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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 12
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So when relationships of any sort don't measure up to the 'standard', then they are deemed to be incomplete and/or flawed.

Agreed, I am just not sure what the standard really is. All I know is that we teach children in general, and females in particular, that they are entitle to anything they want. Life is a fantasy, and when they come face to face with everyday reality they don't stand a chance of being content.

Every time I see something like Toddlers and Tiaras I can't help but think those little girls are all future adulterers.


Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree, the standard is sort of undefined. I think a great many people's relationships would be better if the partners involved sat down once things got serious and laid out the ground rules for the relationship...


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think a great many people's relationships would be better if the partners involved sat down once things got serious and laid out the ground rules for the relationship...

seems like there was some sort of ceremony, where some promises were made...nahhh, that couldn't have been it.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LolLolLol
Yep


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2071 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

seems like there was some sort of ceremony, where some promises were made...nahhh, that couldn't have been it.

This makes me think of a twilight zone episode, where people in the future had ceremonies where jumped over robot swords they called Jiminy Crickets, and if they fucked up the robot sword swooped out of the sky and stabbed them in the ass. Or maybe that was Amazing Stories. Or just some shit I made up now. Nevermind.

Yeah there was that whole getting married thing that held certain stylized and ritualistic implications.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7116 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

seems like there was some sort of ceremony, where some promises were made...nahhh, that couldn't have been it.

Why does that sound so familiar? Something to do with love, honor, cherish...can't remember any escape clause, but I obviously didn't read the fine print. Bunch of people at that ceremony too if I recall...it has a ring to it.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3305 | Registered: Dec 2011
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...oh yeah. Forgot about that. Just like our wives.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Stillkicking
♂ Member
Member # 38246
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Escape clause??? Til another dude's dick due us part?? I think, Right? Pretty sure thats how i dont remember it


You'll never learn to fly
until your standing at the cliff

I reserve my right to feel uncomfortable reserve my right to be afraid.
I make mistakes and I am humbled every step of the way.


Posts: 126 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Canada
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"To love, honor, cherish, forsaking all others, until I get really bored and another man comes along and validates me with insincere words."


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
flup
♂ Member
Member # 21259
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You guys.... I'm a long time lurker and I love the banter here. I'm in Boston having a few Racer 5's.

I'm six years past Dday and I've taken WAL's advice to heart and disengaged from the marriage, and re-engaged to my own life and happiness. She told me the other day, "I think I love you more than you love me now..."

Fine. Can you hand me that 9/16" deepwell 3/8 drive?

I find it disturbing how somehow, as young/middle-aged men, we are fed the mantra to " do right by the marriage". Suddenly, we're 50 years old and our wives have farmed out our gonads for gonads with less overhead.

Thanks to people with viewpoints like WAL, I have a life again - one that I can stand up and say, "that's me!", not " that's me because I'm married to you."

The other day, she opened a bottle of wine and said we should have a glass together on the couch, as we watch this movie... I had just bought a six pack of Sam Adams Hopology and was dying to try one... So I told her to have her glass of wine, but this is what I want to drink. She was taken a bit aback, but realized that what I wanted may not necessarily coincide with what she may want. Dealing with that is a marriage - not dealing with that, and finding some other POSOM to say whatever she wants to hear, so he can wear her panties on her head, is her path to the A's.

I remain vigilant and in awe of all of us.

Selah.


Me: BS 55
Her: fWW 50

D-Day #1: 12 Aug. 2008. WW's 2nd affair w/college teacher.
D-Day #2: 18 June 2009. Affair #1 with neighbor was fall of 2002 - while I was coping with the fallout from 9/11.
Still trying to R.
22 years married


Posts: 426 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Ohio
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We need to start a list called Conversations I Never Could Have Imagined Having With My Wife Prior to D Day . This little nugget from WAL makes my list:

"I never jumped from one bed straight to the other, and you never got his sloppy seconds. He got yours."

And this one from my wife, a reason she gave shortly after D Day as to why she decided to take the leap:

"He kept asking."

Uhh, ok hon. Thank God he didn't keep asking you to rob a bank, commit suicide, or kill me for the life insurance money. Persistence pays off as they say. I guess it could have been much worse.

And, on a different subject:

"I think I love you more than you love me now..."

Fine. Can you hand me that 9/16" deepwell 3/8 drive?

flup, if that's a sample of what you have to offer, I hope to see a lot more of you in BM 12. Awesome.

[This message edited by Sal1995 at 7:05 PM, July 29th (Monday)]


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
flup
♂ Member
Member # 21259
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, yeah... I've got a few old British motorcycles and I' m trying to piece together an Ironhead Sportster.

She keeps trying to entwine the two of us, while I am doing what I can to live my own life separate from "us".

She IS remorseful, "but" she really hasn't addressed her down-deep "reasons". I mean, she's kinda said that will never happen again... But, after it happens twice with 2 different OM, then... Honey, you got issues.

... And I haven't heard what those issues are. Of course, like every, WW, she says it'll never happen again. Well.... Okay.... How can you tell me that it won't?"

"We'll, it just won't."

That's the same feeling I should have had on our wedding day, but it don't work no more. Now, I need reassurance, and introspection, and maturity.

Am I getting that?

Gimme another beer...


Me: BS 55
Her: fWW 50

D-Day #1: 12 Aug. 2008. WW's 2nd affair w/college teacher.
D-Day #2: 18 June 2009. Affair #1 with neighbor was fall of 2002 - while I was coping with the fallout from 9/11.
Still trying to R.
22 years married


Posts: 426 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Ohio
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Well, it just won't."

Another of the sayings that drive me to.......

Gimme another beer...

Flup, got a feeling you're gonna fit right in!


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2071 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"He kept asking."

Damn does that take me back. WW also told me that "It took him a while, I didn't just give in immediately."

Now, she could have said, "I'm a married woman and I don't appreciate this crap so bug the fuck off" or something. Instead, she kept listening.

Post D-Day forensics revealed that "a while" was in fact, three days.

Of course, her loving, loyal, faithful husband had been asking for sex too, but somehow it was OK to turn me down, but not OK to turn POSER down.

"I didn't want to hurt his feelings."

You really can't make this shit up.


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
WhiskeyRiver
♂ New Member
Member # 39811
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I was following Reza Aslan's "AMA" on reddit today. He's a religious scholar (this isn't a post about religion, at all) and also happens to adhere to a particular religion. Someone asked him if he believed in "one true faith." His answer was a quote from Siddartha Gautama, which was: "If you want to draw water you do not dig six one foot wells. You dig one six foot well."

I know this sounds like some pseudo-spiritual bullshit, but I really loved the metaphor as it applies to being a BH. Yeah, man, the well. It's what sustained us...things could be shitty and hard, but we had the "well." It was deep and pure and reliable as fuck.

I guess our well dried up, or was polluted by a gasified coal plume, or a rotting deer carcass. I don't know, really, but she started digging pathetic, shallow, one foot wells all over what used to be our safe home (sorry...I'm stretching this metaphor a little too far). I know we have to abandon it and try to dig again, or move on separately to find find another one. Is it worth it to dig in polluted soil? Fucked if I know.

Anyway, I just liked the quote because it hit home.

As seems to be the trend here, I'll disclose that I'm drinking a Heady Topper from the Alchemist. Hoppiest beer I've ever had...pretty intense, but very drinkable.


Posts: 22 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: New England
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome out of lurkerdom Flup! That was quite the entrance. Kind of puts in perspective that there are 12,827 people between you and me, and I don't know the male/female ration on the site, but even a conservative guess would say at least 4000 of them were men. I wonder how many more guys like you are still lurking? It's damn cool to get perspective that you only get from reading six years of drivel from guys like (insert any of us here). This thread has been rocking with new blood the past couple of months.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3305 | Registered: Dec 2011
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just had a deep thought I would like to share with you guys:

It chaps my ass to walk in and see my wife watching The Bachelor or Bachelorette or whatever the fuck it is.

Carry on.


Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
WhiskeyRiver
♂ New Member
Member # 39811
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just had a deep thought I would like to share with you guys:

It chaps my ass to walk in and see my wife watching The Bachelor or Bachelorette or whatever the fuck it is.

Carry on.

For me it's the slutty, vapid "Housewives of [insert geographic location]."


Posts: 22 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: New England
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

or Fifty Shades of Grey is now her favorite book.

after years of having to fight for it twice a month, after d-day, now she gets a fixation?

templeton rye, just saying.

( and no I don't mean the commercial stuff)


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2071 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@flup
damn good to have you here.

@whisky & later
that sucks, and likely says a lot about what's going on on the inside. My FWW was at least cognizant enough to not watch/read that kind of crap, and change the channel if it did come on.
although I did let her watch 50/50 with me and listen to me laugh hysterically and curse at the girlfriend.
oh, if you haven't seen it....you need to.


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2385 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
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