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Newest Member: HurtCat (45338)

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User Topic: She had affair with a man of another race
stilllovinghim
♀ Member
Member # 29971
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Alright Paula Dean, the rouse is up!

Anyway, can this thread go back on topic please?

Eta: I think the OP got scared off. SG had an excellent, albeit hilarious response with ASSOCIASIONS and not necessarily the race of the person themselves.

[This message edited by stilllovinghim at 5:38 PM, July 25th (Thursday)]


“You have a choice. Live or die.Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. Every time you don't throw yourself down the stairs, that's a choice. Every time you don't crash your car, you re-enlist.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

Posts: 1942 | Registered: Oct 2010
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry but im a smart ass.....the
absurdity of this statement is just mind boggling. Being that i probably can relate to every racial statement considering I'm mixed with

-irish
-african american
- english
- danish
- japanese
- cherokee indian

There are triggers and then there is just being down right prejudiced...be real about it at least.


Together 21yrs married 18yrs
2 kids, now 19 & 16
Bw: now 38
Wh: now 37
Mow: now 50
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1079 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunately there is a freaking CHIP line named after her.

That chick's momma named her SUNCHIPS??!!?? ( )


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8075 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Supersadwife...your not a racist!!!

BUT...

You have always disliked Philipinos...uh...

That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever!

Yes plz lets go back to the original poster..oh my god.


Together 21yrs married 18yrs
2 kids, now 19 & 16
Bw: now 38
Wh: now 37
Mow: now 50
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1079 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

and of course they are all bitches and whores because they slept and chased our WS
Umm...your WS willingly played a role in the A so don't forget to call him a playa' pimp and man-whore. And if you aren't, I'm sure that the AP's BS is. Just sayin'.

Look, I get it. People trigger. Names, race, weight, height, hair color, eye color, scent, blah, blah, blah. But for crying out loud people, can we be just a little bit more sensitive to the diversity that makes up SI???

While you're over there ranting and raving about *insert some horrible generalization about a specific race here*, don't forget that there are people here that fit that racial description. That's hurtful. And while you might not be offended to be clumped in with a generalization, other people are. Be respectful of other people's feelings. We all have our own levels of hurt and pain tolerances. Be sensitive to that.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6300 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@SSW: Once again- Wow.

I'm just going to start counting down til the hammer drops at this point....


To the original poster, you are not a racist. You're very raw and (as others have pointed out) certain associations with the AP are going to be triggers for a while. Hang in there. It is part of that "fun" rollercoaster called surviving infidelity.


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6525 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Red  Posted: 6:03 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a reminder for this thread to get back on topic


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 198277 | Registered: May 2002
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dammit I was waiting for the hammer of Thor!


FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 5975 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
stilllovinghim
♀ Member
Member # 29971
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Slight t/j:
Sunflower you sound absolutely beautiful!
I, for one, can't express enough how thankful I am of the various opinions, personalities and help of the members here at SI. Red, yellow, black or white.

Now let's all hold hands and sing "Kumbaya"

End t/j

Eta: sorry, posted same time as mod

[This message edited by stilllovinghim at 6:08 PM, July 25th (Thursday)]


“You have a choice. Live or die.Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. Every time you don't throw yourself down the stairs, that's a choice. Every time you don't crash your car, you re-enlist.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

Posts: 1942 | Registered: Oct 2010
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Red  Posted: 6:11 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Supersadwife won't be coming back to this thread.

Let's please get back to supporting the original poster.

Thanks .


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38013 | Registered: Sep 2007
whattheh
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You've got enough to deal with in the A aftermath and shouldn't have to worry about your wife using a male personal trainer regardless of their race.

Out of deference to your feelings, she should drop the male trainer and use a female trainer instead (it's a no brainer). And it's great you're communicating your concerns like this to her because it will help her to begin building more empathy for you and what you're going through (and what's expected of her).

Heck I personally wouldn't be comfortable with my FWH even using a coed gym at this point but I'm the possessive and jealous type.


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 564 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hurtingincolorado, nothing you have said sounds racist to me at all. You sound crushed and deeply hurt over your ww actions. I think its pretty insensitive and disrespectful of your wife to still be using a personal trainer let alone a male one. Jmo. Do you trigger when she goes to work out?

Just wanted to also apologize for jacking your thread earlier.

:(


Together 21yrs married 18yrs
2 kids, now 19 & 16
Bw: now 38
Wh: now 37
Mow: now 50
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1079 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
hurtincolorado
♂ New Member
Member # 40001
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am the original poster. Thanks for all your responses and help. I think I am hypersensitive to anything about "him" the is different than me. Race is just one thing. He is taller, thinner and younger and is probably less harried as he doesn't have 4 kids. I dont like younger men around my wife or thinner men or taller men but I don't feel bad about that discomfort as she has caused that. I guess I focused on race because we have all been taught and believe that we should be race neutral and that is how I have lived my life. I now feel I am nervous when she is around men of that other race not because I have an animosity for that race any more than I have an animosity against tall, young or fit folks. Its because I don't trust her around her sexual triggers. It has nothing to do about race. It is about how he is different than me and my insecurity about that. Thanks everyone. I feel better, not a ton, but incrementally more.

Posts: 38 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Colorado
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It has nothing to do about race. It is about how he is different than me and my insecurity about that

lemme flip this script for you...

it has nothing to do with race,height,weight,and even has nothing to do with the trainer...
it is your WW. It is her that you are insecure about, remove her and the "racism" will likely disappear with her.
That's not a suggestion, just an illustration.


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2407 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
Topic Posts: 54
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