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User Topic: She had affair with a man of another race
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Luckily for me it was just some loser with a big dick, and I duct taped a broom handle to my cock and got over that one, everything else I'm just more awesomer anyway.

OMG

My H cheated on me, emotionally and physically, with a variety of white girls. I trigger seeing anyone who looks like any of those girls. There's a billboard for some community college featuring a horsey blonde who looks like one of them as you come into my town. There's a heavyset short brunette with big tits who works in my office. They both trigger me. I wish all these OW had looked similar so I'd only have one type-trigger. Oh well.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6519 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Jana,
That is awful. I am sorry.. That has to suck! I get triggered by the name and also.. prieced nose, tongue, and a cocky personality!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)37
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2608 | Registered: Aug 2011
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wh is Irish. I am mixed with MULTIPLE things. I look spanish or Italian but i am not.

Mow is caucasian.
ONS also caucasian.

I have caucasian aunts of the same age that dont trigger me.

Its only when I see women who resemble the AP. i dont hate all middle aged caucasian women but the ones who resemble mow i.e. mid 40's brunette, fakin baked, busty, large nose, Goiter...Well they trigger me and its hard for me to interact with them.

I have realized it had nothing to do with mow race she was just willing and available. I have learned wh type is any shape, size or color of "slutty".. Something I am not and never will be. I have seen wh try to hook up with 25 yr olds and 45 yr old..flat chested 5'10 blondes and short pudgy busty brunettes.

I would not say all middle aged caucasian married woman are lying home wreckers and I hate them all! Thats a big generalization. Messed up people do messed up shit. Thats what i have realized. And when im triggering over some woman wh is oblivious because mow physically was that insignificant to him. That sums it up.


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1047 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I wanted to add that after d-day i started wearing push up bras, bras that increase your bust. Felt like i had 2 growths strapped to my chest..lol. I have a D who is 14 and has DD almost DDD BREASTS. She cant stand them. What one person may envy another may find a burden...ALL those bras are in the garbage and im ok being just me. AP is nothing more than a reflection of my wh. That speaks volumes about him and says nothing about me.


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1047 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
DragnHeart
♀ Member
Member # 32122
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AP is nothing more than a reflection of my wh. That speaks volumes about him and says nothing about me.

^^^^^this exactly.

Although I admit I am still triggered a lot by other woman. Wh PA was with an older woman. EA with a younger one.

I guess he wanted the physical comfort of an older woman while the younger one stroked his ego. Or maybe not. Who knows... It's on him to figure that out.

For me I am triggered by many things: their names, woman with the same hair colour/style, the city they work in which the OW's live in etc.

Triggers are triggers. Had they been of another race perhaps it would bother me, can't say since they weren't. I just look forward to the day I realize I have unknowingly faced a trigger and it didn't send me over the edge...


Posts: 2792 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Canada
justdoit
♀ Member
Member # 25898
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My FWH had an affair with the stereotype of southern white trash. Do I hate all fat southern bleach blondes that call everyone honey? No, but I do grit my teeth a little when I hear the accent. I've never actually seen her face - have only FWH description of her to go by - so shortly after DDay I had a dream about her and her head was a giant smiley face in the dream - so what I really hate are alien monsters with big butts and !!


Me - 60
WH - 67
Married 35 years
DDay - 5/14/09
He's reconciled, I'm in limbo.
"Stuck in the middle with you"

Posts: 154 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Rocky Mountains
Jennifer99
♀ Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand. I'm sorry you are going through this.

I am now anti-blonde. Which was really sad because I'm so gray now I was thinking of trying blonde.

I am also now anti S-name. Unfortunately there is a freaking CHIP line named after her. I had a bad trip to Sam's club last weekend. You can't avoid the "chip" aisle there because they spill out into the walkways instead of staying in the aisle. Motherf....

And I think my issues are mild because she was not even a PA, just an unrequited, one-sided EA.


Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
toomanyregrets
♂ Member
Member # 37740
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your WW had an A.
It doesn't matter who it was with.
She has no right to get mad because she cheated on you.
It's an act to cover up what she did.


BH - 64
fWW - 59

"Affairs are not mistakes, they are a series of deliberate choices." - CrappyLife


Posts: 443 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Upstate NY
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jeezus take the wheel on this one....OMG

[This message edited by MissesJai at 12:44 PM, July 25th (Thursday)]


FWW - 40
I'm big on personal responsibility. Own your shit. ALL OF IT.

Posts: 5764 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Godsgirl
♀ Member
Member # 27521
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH's first and last OW were both very attractive Hispanic women. After his first A with Hispanic OW#1, he made a comment about being attracted to her because she was the opposite of me. I'm very white with lot of freckles, dark blond hair, and blue eyes so basically the complete opposite of most Hispanic women.

I certainly don't dislike all Hispanic women now but I trigger very badly when I see women that resemble these two OW's. And I wonder if WH would have chosen a Hispanic woman to marry instead of being stuck with me. Is that what he's really attracted to because I can never make myself look Hispanic. I can't tan, I just burn, peel, and look a little darker for about a month. And of course I like myself too much to want to try to turn myself into someone I'm not.

I think its normal feeling insecure no matter who our WS's pick to have A's with. But directing our anger at the whole race, gender, or people with similar characteristics is as misplaced as blaming the OP instead of our WS for the A.

Your WW though is being incredibly insensitive and unremorseful. How would she feel if you announced that you were attracted to red heads with green eyes and then picked a trainer with that same hair and eye color. And from this point on all of her trainers should be female. She's already proven that she isn't trustworthy and faithful. If she wants to R with you, then she needs to work on her boundaries and get a sensitivity chip.


Me-BS (41)
Him-SAWH (41)
Together 25 years, married 21 years
4 precious kiddos
Multi DDay's,False R
4 Ea's, 1 ONS, 3 STA's, & 2 LTA's & 1 OC

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!


Posts: 850 | Registered: Feb 2010
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he made a comment about being attracted to her because she was the opposite of me.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6519 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
sportsfan
♂ Member
Member # 9918
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMHO these, right now, are simply triggers ... nothing more.

I, too, hated anyone whose name was "Tony" and anyone from Pittsburgh. But after a while that didn't seem to matter anymore. Many friends here are named Tony and many friends here are from Pittsburgh ...

But if you're Tony from Pittsburgh, well ...

You're not a racist, you're just hurting right now.


Posts: 1928 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: PA
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunately there is a freaking CHIP line named after her.

Fito's (freako's), Hostess (hostaslut), BM Chips (POS), Olay's (O'lay me)?

You have me guessing now....


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)37
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2608 | Registered: Aug 2011
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband cheated with two completely different women of the same race. One was a young red head, the other was a middle-aged overweight brunette. I don't see that many red heads around here but we've got a lot of middle-aged overweight brunettes...

I don't allow myself to judge any of them by the OW standards. While the covers may be similar, I'm fairly certain the pages are very different. I've always been one to pull the dust jacket off when I read the book anyway.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 3931 | Registered: Sep 2005
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The race thing is tricky. Just like infidelity, if it has not happened to you then it is hard to wrap your head around.

I am of one race, my X is of another. He cheated with a family member of the same race as him and his family support the A. Yes, the entire race triggers me because of the actions of about 6 people. I cannot deny that even to be politically correct. I have worked hard to overcome it. A few years ago I took a big step and went to an ethnic grocery store. I posted about it because it was a big deal to me -- I had not been able to go to that ethnic grocery store for about 5 years because of the triggers. Some of the poster on this site shredded me for being a racist. Ha. I thought that was funny because I was in a mixed raced marriage while living in the rural south where things like that were simply not accepted. We were not only discriminated against, we were also harassed. Avoiding things that trigger you is not a form of racism.

hurtincolorado, you are not a racist because you do not want your WW to have a trainer who is the same gender and race as the OM. You are not a racist just because you want to avoid people who remind you of the OM. I can tell you that the triggers will become less over time and may actually go away. I now have no problem going to an ethnic grocery store. I could not say that 3 years ago and I could not even imagine it 8 years ago.

(((hugs)))


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17605 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
aesir
♂ Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How nice for you wife that she can just race card you and rugsweep all the triggers. Skin color would be one type of resemblance to the AP, and I assume he fell somewhere between Gary Coleman, Jimmy Walker, and Fat Albert, but you know, all that matters is the skin color for some people.

Sounds to me like not only is your wife unremorseful, but she doesn't have much respect for you in other ways as well if that is her goto response to one of your triggers. I would caution you that if that continues, you can't reconcile.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
SuperSadWife
♀ New Member
Member # 39896
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well @ deeply scared and iggyD and others..
So this is sublime.
we are talking about our WS cheating with others.. and of course they are all bitches and whores because they slept and chased our WS..,
but honestly should I be offended that I am a white woman from the south of certain age and that occasionally says honey...
No because I am not that person and I have no moral resemblence to those women..
But let's face it... We are talking about race and its a fine line..
we are all adults and i personally hate political correctlness..
with that said. Asian you gorl who is t stupid sorry i offended you but lets clarify Filipinos don't really classify as Asians anyway so you can be exonerated of that title.
But lets face the facts..there is a trend of Asian women going for white guys.. Maybe that's what you take offense to..


Me (50)BW
Him (46) FWH
DD 17 and seriously hurt by this all..
Married for 18 years..together 20yrs
EA 2009- 23 yr old that has a childhood crush on my husband. named her child after my husband...sick girl on & off +2years stopped when he started

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Texas
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OH.MY.GAWD.

I need to stay off this thread...


FWW - 40
I'm big on personal responsibility. Own your shit. ALL OF IT.

Posts: 5764 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lawdy lawdy lawdy


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2401 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A trend of Asian women going for white guys?

Are you serious?

I think my eyeballs just popped out off my head permanently.

OH MY GOD!!!!

Supersadwife...I am speechless. Wow...


Im not even going to get tangled up in this bull crap.


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1047 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
Topic Posts: 54
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