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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread - Part 12
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sad81712,
Reconciling with a true N is next to impossible, unless you are willing to be a forever doormat.

You haven't shared much of your story. What makes you think your WH is an N?


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found this post very helpful and wanted to share:

http://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-make-the-narcissist-powerless-to-affect-your-life/


Posts: 10976 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: North Carolina
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOVE. MTE, She is on Facebook. With links to her radio show. In case any one is interested.

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4045 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, September 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Found this article--story of my relationship, and maybe yours?

http://www.emotionalaffair.org/narcissistic-abuse-being-devalued-and-discarded/


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1472 | Registered: Dec 2012
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, September 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

story of my relationship, and maybe yours?

Yep. Sums it up pretty nicely.

Good article. Thanks for posting it, Abbondad.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 4:15 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the article reference. BTDT. -not going back!


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4045 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought I would share this exchange between my XNPDX and OW#?. They had an OC while we were married. (now 12years old) I have remained in contact with this OW. We share information and have helped each other in legal situations. (being each others witness, etc) I cannot imagine sharing a child with this lunatic.

XNPDH:
Jfi, you can drop OC off at our house anytime this afternoon. Otherwise, I'll plan on being there at 5 to pick her up.

OW:
I am picking her up from her friends at 5 so we will be home shortly after that

XNPDH:
Please make sure she has her homework with her. Her teachers had noted she has several assignments that are overdue

OW:
Will you be bringing a check today?

(XNPDH refuses to pay for his share of child care and his portion of medical bills.)

XNPDH:
My response to your request for compensation yesterday, is best answered in the form of an email which I will try and send to you tonight

OW:
Emails dont pay her bills

XNPDH:
Ignorance and spitefulness doesn't make the process any easier

OW:
True yet you are a champ at both. Just do what you are required to do legally and morally and theres nothing to argue about

XNPDH:
Does that make you feel important and intellectually superior being demeaning towards me? Do you find enjoyment in being disrespectful to me?  And what type o  
And what type of enjoyment do you get trying to destroy the relationship between OC and I?...simply because I don't agree with every demand you put on me.
You really need to look in the mirror OW You have extremely low self esteem with a buffet of other psychological issues. And I wouldn't be patting yourself  
Yourself on the back about raising anyone successfully if I was you...and thank the good Lord above I am no where similar to that mess

OW
With that self awarded psych degree you've got there Im sure you've got it all figured out. Hey why dont you give my son a call-Im sure he'd have no problem telling you what kind of a mom I am.  
And I dont have anything to do with u n OC you screwed that up all by yourself

XNPDH:
Everyone who has been involved with all the drama you consistently create around OC (the attorneys, Guardian ad lightem, CPS, etc,etc) have ALL made comments    
Made comments that you do not appear to be psychologically well. That doesn't even include everyone else that has known you. We all all don't need a degree to  
To know you have serious issues.  
Now, maybe you can think of something more constructive to do than send hateful texts.  

OW:
Well when they are all subpoenaed to court then they can tell the judge all about my 'crazy' -until then I will file your "opinion' right where it belongs.

XNPDH:
Will you please send my beautiful wonderful daughter out to her loving father? I'm outside waiting



It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^^^^ I've heard similar. If you listen to him I'm manic, bipolar, delusional. Psychopath, and depressed.

And it's all my fault!


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4045 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know, right?

Just change the names and it's all the same. I call it the "word jumble".


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Faithsurviver
♀ Member
Member # 30860
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The text between sadtoo's XNPD and OW was so similar to conversations between my XNPDH and myself (minus an OC, hopefully, that was not an issue with us?!)! I tried to be short and straight to the point with XNPD about matters with our children but he would try to turn the conversation around and tell me that I needed to get help with my "anger, etc" (no, idiot! I"m finally able to tell you what I am really thinking and not worrying about walking on eggshells like I did the last 18 yrs )
I am happy to say that I'm NC with XNPD now going on almost 2 years
he has tried to contact me by email a couple of times regarding some bills and he will text me (sometimes) in regard to wanting to see DD, but I choose to not reply at the time. I will think about it and email him at a later time.

It may not be the best situation for others but it works for me and allows me to keep my sanity


BW (me) 51
XWH 53, but acts like a 15 y/o
M 18 yrs
DS 16, DD 14 (on D-day)
EA,PA with OW, 30 yrs his jr.
DDay 11/30/09 (DS's B-day), WH moved out 4 days later.
I filed for D-1/29/10,
DIVORCED 10/22/10
You can't reason with an NPD!!!

Posts: 331 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Midwest
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sad, a new poster cracked me up in jfo recently when he said;
"What good is this word salad?"
I really lol'd - it's perfect.

Good job on the NC Faithsurvivor!


Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

J,
I would have lol'd too. Word salad, word jumble. It's all the same with the tribe, right?

Faithsurviver,
Isn't is completely BIZZARE?? They are so much the same. Just change the names and the costume. Whoo-lah!! Cookie-cutter NPD.

NPD is the ones being "ignorant and spiteful" yet claimed it's her.

NPD claims she is being "disrespectful"

NPD claims she is being "demeaning" when he is obviously the demeaning party in the conversation.

NPD claims she has "low self esteem" and psychological "issues".

And EVERYBODY knows!!

Doncha just wanna slap the shit out of their smug stupid faces sometimes? And WTF was I thinking marrying this idiot? GAWD!!

I mean seriously? Who talks like this?

[This message edited by sadtoo at 8:19 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sadtoo- uggg -typically npd crap.
But she should really not engage. It's just fuel to his delusion fire (and he's an arson!)
I try to just keep texts to one word responses five at most!), no way I'm giving a full sentence...just feeds his psycho-manical-ego

Posts: 413 | Registered: Jun 2012
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But she should really not engage

I know. But I don't typically give her advice. Just listen, mostly. I am completely disconnected from the entire situation. (it's been 12 years) But I find myself fascinated watching his train wreck of a life play out.

.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Doncha just wanna slap the shit out of their smug stupid faces sometimes?

Not even once, no, I never felt that toward my pet. Toward yours? uh yeah, but my imaginings involved a boot.
Where's v been? Como frijole v?

I think it's because I surrendered *my demand for retribution*...to someone who could extract it, more wisely, really? more perfectly than could I.

Anything I took, any revenge, any faceslap, I came to believe that was stealing from some ultimate arbiter - like I was being watched for stealing justice - stealing the righteous pain they should feel in the end. The pain I believe they will feel. In the end.

I threw my mind to this belief, call it foolish certainty if you want, it saved me from being in your headlines.


And WTF was I thinking marrying this idiot?
I wasn't thinking too well myself, being led by diktates, circus sex and swollen things.
But now, saying this from my fingertips, my nose is runnin.
I gotta go.
I'm certain it has something to do with not valuing ourselves enough.


Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sadtoo: Thank you for sharing that conversation. It's a great example of how a NPD turns the conversation around and blameshifts. Mine does it all the time. He grabs a grain of the truth and turns and twists it around with the emotions that the victim might be most vulnerable to. I used to fall for it.every.time. It's hard not to engage, but we have to remember we are not dealing with a normal person.

Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Doncha just wanna slap the shit out of their smug stupid faces sometimes?

Not even once, no, I never felt that toward my pet.

Well Jjct, that's because you are and always have been a gentleman.

honesttoafault,
That's exactly why I posted it. It does shows the blame shifting. It also shows how the NPD will go on the attack when asked to do something he doesn't want to do. And how he makes accusations of others that are actually true about him.

I used to fall for it.every.time.

Me too. And that's why this is also a good example of why it's som important to go NC with the NPD.



It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Faith2011
♀ Member
Member # 30946
Default  Posted: 12:39 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't visited this forum in a long time but I was thinking about how far I've come and I wanted to re-visit this thread to encourage others who are not only having to cope with betrayal but also having to live the nightmare of discovering the love of your life is NPD.

It's been 2 and half years since DDay. I read everything I could on NPD and shock horror it fit my X like a glove.

The idolising (he wanted to marry me a few weeks after we met) the devaluing (he did it slowly starting with making me feel like an object during sex then rejecting me completely using reasons like "if only you were working full time (I was working part time)" "if only you were thinner (I once showed him a photo of an anorexic model and he said she was still overweight ) and then came the discarding (an A that started on Facebook). Oh and yes I was the "crazy" one, it was all in my head. He finally admitted the A when I showed him printed copies of his FB conversations with the married OW


Anyway, he left but it took 2 months of sheer hell to get him out. During that time he'd threaten me "we can do this the hard way or the easy way" and "you want me to hit you don't you".

A few months after he left, because his new N supply rejected him, der what a surprise, he started inundating me with texts, emails and phone calls. He wanted his old N supply back. It's true an NPD falls apart when they no longer have a N supply on hand.They will try everything. Declarations of profound love. Threats of suicide. A constant barrage of communication even though you block his emails and cell phone number, they'll find a way.

You'll want to believe them. You'll remember how he swept you off your feet in the beginning. You want to feel so utterly adored by him like you did right at the start of your relationship. But remember how long that lasted for? You blinked and it was over.

This is when you really have to be STRONG. Block, reject, ignore. NC NC NC

NC is what will eventually heal your pain.

My NPD tried for over a year to hook me back in. When he stopped trying to contact me it took me another 6 months to stop secretly wishing I'd hear from him.

Now I feel free and happy! I'm taking care of myself and I'm looking forward to the future.

You can heal from an NPD nightmare. You wake up every morning thankful you no longer have 'crazy' in your house and life.

I remember the last conversation I had with him. He told me he lay down on the railroad tracks waiting for the train but it never came. In the old days I'd be so concerned but when he told me I had to stifle a giggle. He had gone back to his childhood country town to live and trains only come twice a day!

When you realise everything that comes out of an NPD's mouth is self serving you no longer react like you used to. You effectively cut off their supply and they'll go looking elsewhere.

[This message edited by Faith2011 at 12:48 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)]


BS me
XNPDWH him
DDay Jan 2011

"Live the best life possible."


Posts: 356 | Registered: Jan 2011
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:14 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aww sadtoo, that is a treasured thing you just said to me, you don't know...
At my father's passing, more than one of his friends and associates told me that about him...I've held it close to my heart for comfort all these years, and to hear it said @ me...dang monitor, gonna have to get this thing fixed someday...
Thank you sad, for all your help and wisdom. You helped pull me out of dark dark days.
I will never forget.

Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((jjct))))

Back at you!


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
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