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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 4...
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD, if you think she is pregnant tell your L right away. In my state, if you are still legally married when you conceive, you MUST list your spouse as the father even if you know they aren't the father. Then there's tons of paperwork and paternity testing. My xEh had to do all of this and OWiftress' BH had to be named a party on all paperwork regarding a child that wasn't his. It had to have been awful for him. Protect yourself now.


Me: 45 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 22, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1676 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hallalujah! The new doctor got a FULL opportunity to see Cray-Cray in overdrive action! I'm sure that impressed him to NO end.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4585 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right on cue, DS just called begging to come home to me. This time I refused (gently). He needs to be able to tolerate being with his mother and away from me.

WW got on the phone and I told her I declined and told him she loves him and will take good care of him.

A beat of disappointment went by and she said, "Well, I'll give him an hour and then we will see."

Translation: "I will give myself an hour and see if I can handle it."

And then: "I did not like that psychiatrist. I don't think he knows anything. I want the kids to see someone else."

Shoot me, please.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1571 | Registered: Dec 2012
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sigh, it will come to an end. When DD started talking about it, I figured CSTBXWW was *breaking it to her gently* . Should do wonderful things for her when it goes to court./sarc Sorry for what it's doing to the kids.

My favorite part?

The psychiatrist just stared at her

It's all coming together for you. Just a long drawn out process to get there.

Strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2549 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She didn't like him because he didn't agree with her. She is certifiable.

What a loon. Seriously. She has a severe case of what we call "LOOK AT ME" Syndrome (basically NPD). But she is so Fnuts that you can't get any ground rules established, but now you have reason to counter with the judge that YOU should be the soul decision maker when it comes to medical decisions, esp psychiatric. I would bring up her being fired, and quitting her own psych, her getting you all fired by the kids Psych, and now her not liking this esteemed medical professional, and get a CV on him to show his worth. Show she showed up 45 minutes late, and disagrees with the teacher who spends more time with her daughter than she does. Yah that's a zinger there. The teacher spends more time with your kid than you do, CSTBXWW.

Sorry for that little rant she just chaps my ass, because she is so abusive to the kids for her own well being. Psycho.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7799 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
DeadMumWalking
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What TN said.

omg I hope she's not preggos.

((((AD & poor little kiddos))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated (in-house), for good (??) <-- should really remove these, shouldn't I...

Posts: 2538 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DS just told me that he is going on a fishing tournament Saturday.

"With POS?" I asked mildly, assuming he knew.

His face fell and he buried it in my chest. "I don't want to go if he will be there."

I followed up with, "It's OK, DS, I'm sure he is very nice, don't worry about me, I'm ok, don't feel guilty," etc., followed by a talk about life, its ups and downs, happiness and sadness, things that we can't control...

Then he asked me again if I have a girlfriend. I told him, yet again. He was very relieved.

Did I make a mistake in "telling" him POS is taking him? (I assumed he knew.)

In any case, I did my best. I know he knows I'm his Dad and all that...but I am dying inside. Fishing has always been "our thing." I know this is just something I have to get used to.

WHY does she have to do this to him now?? Can't she wait? It is TOO. SOON.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1571 | Registered: Dec 2012
standingonmarble
♀ Member
Member # 31217
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You gave your son the heads up and a pep talk to face this adjustment. That's what you are suppose to do. Yeah it sucks, but that is out of your hands.

You will spend most of their childhood teaching them to deal with their mother.

Sorry you have to deal with more of this crap from her.


At one time he was a man standing on marbles. Now I am a woman standing on marble.....

We are done fighting with each other and decide to fight FOR each other.


Posts: 737 | Registered: Feb 2011
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 2:28 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Abb,

Your pain is understandable. Having another man starting to get involved with your children hurts like shit. Why should they spend time with them when you would happily have them? Right?

This stage will leave you feeling powerless and weak and yet you have to put on a brave face for the children. You have to say that he's a nice man, they'll have fun etc. It hurts like fuck when this is the man who was complicit in grenading your family.

I could tell you that you will always be their stability, their father and the one that will always be there for them but it won't help. It just hurts.

And if she's pregnant, welcome to a new world of fucked up. I'm there with you.

Justice will eventually be served, it just takes a while.


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now pregnant
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 648 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:41 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, Everyone,

So after our failed mediation, my attorney has secured a hearing in front of a judge for my motion for temporary relief:

Exclusive rights to and possession of the house
Fixed co-parenting schedule
Majority of overnights with me
Temporary CS
Temporary SS

We will have THIRTY MINUTES. Forgive my naivete, but is this typical? Will he be familiar with the case, familiar enough to just come in and make a ruling? This just seems like not nearly enough time to hear both sides.

In any case, so glad we can cut to the chase finally and actually present to a judge.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1571 | Registered: Dec 2012
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't worry about the amount of time. Your lawyer, providing they've done their job, will have supplied the court with the necessary documentation along with those motions. The thirty minutes is probably to answer any questions the judge might have and make their ruling. Unless your lawyer has expressed concern I wouldn't be worried.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3655 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
standingonmarble
♀ Member
Member # 31217
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

30 minutes? Will she even make it? I mean she was 45 minutes late for the doctor appt.

Your lawyer sounds great. Let her do the worrying about it.


At one time he was a man standing on marbles. Now I am a woman standing on marble.....

We are done fighting with each other and decide to fight FOR each other.


Posts: 737 | Registered: Feb 2011
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

30 minutes seems adequate, especially since you're not asking for anything permanent, and you're actively negotiating a settlement. Theses were items that went to mediation and were not agreed to, your asking the judge to decide.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4850 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What will happen at this hearing in all likelihood will just be a formalization of the existing circumstances. You will be awarded the house(she already has a second residence). The fixed parenting schedule will be based upon already existing circumstances and the support issues will be based on the placement of the kids.

Remember all that documentation/journaling?

Sounds good all around!

Strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2549 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:16 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi,

Nothing new, but:

STBXWW has TOLD me--never asks--the time-sharing schedule for the next two weeks.

It doesn't work for me. Again, she decrees that she has the kids on the weekends, and I have them most of the week. No "fun days" for me.

I am sick of this. For three months (since she's had her new job) I have bowed to her schedule with never a protest.

Our hearing isn't until November 21 at the earliest. Do I put up a fight now and tell her, "No--that schedule does not work for me. I want them this weekend." Or do I continue to acquiesce?

If I do stand up for myself all that will happen is more bad blood will boil. I have no law yet to back me up, and she will not be reasonable and "allow" me to have the kids on a weekend.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1571 | Registered: Dec 2012
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 5:37 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why must you bow dow and cater to her?

Screw that.

Tell her those days don't work for you,and offer a different schedule..one that includes a weekend for her..and one for you.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7137 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
mike7
♂ Member
Member # 38603
Default  Posted: 5:40 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

or....


tell her that's great, you had made plans with a friend.

my guess is that it will drive her nuts. It doesn't matter that she has a guy, and is probably pregnant, she will be bent out of shape knowing that she may have given you time with someone "special."

maybe that's childish, but you will soon have a court decide what's right anyway.


BH 53
WW 52
Two kids 21, 18

DDay 1/15/2013


Posts: 514 | Registered: Mar 2013
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like this idea ^^^. Just say great, you've made plans and leave it at that.

Most likely she'll bail and be at your doorstep on Saturday morning with kids in tow.

Stay calm.
Stay cool.
Stay collected.

Don't show your hand. It's only another couple of weeks and then you can slam her with the anvil of reality.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17147 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't see anything wrong with telling her you have plans with 'a friend," when you actually have plans with a friend,or a date.

However, telling her something like that, just to get her to amp up her crazy, I think is a bad idea. Your WW is unstable..and whenever she gets herself into a snit, the kids pay.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7137 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But the law IS on your side. The law does not promote one parent NEVER getting the kids on any weekends. It just doesn't. You are used to her insanity & have normalized it, brother. Her insanity isn't normal.

I bet if you spend 20 minutes you could find some fun kid/family activities you could take your kids to on weekends. There are harvest festivals this time of year, there are guided nature walks, there are fun little "help the kids make a craft present" classes. There are even free little workshops at Home Depot, for goodness' sakes. I want you to be able to have your kids during the weekend so you can do these things. I want your kids to see that Dad can be a fun guy. I want them to be able to go to school on Monday mornings and brag a bit about the fun they had with Dad.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9286 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
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