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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 4...
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still in mediation. Mediator upon returning to our room: "She doesn't seem to 'get it.'"

He also said to my attorney: "she is a once in a lifetime witness. Lawyers dream of someone like her on the stand."

Nothing is signed yet, but looks like 60/40 for me, exclusive rights to home, 800 per month CS, half of the mortgage, and a SET schedule. If she violates the schedule she is taken to court for contempt.

(Update: Uh oh. Looks like she is backpedaling.)


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1625 | Registered: Dec 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Update: she back pedaled on everything. Impasse. We are done.

Her own attorney was bewildered and annoyed.

Special crazy tidbit: this was the FIRST TIME she ever met her attorney.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1625 | Registered: Dec 2012
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

well it sounded good until I got to the update. stick to your guns.

hopefully things work out today. sending mojo.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2968 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So everything ended up exactly as you expected today, right?

The one bright spot is that you now have the mediator's opinion on how she'll perform as a witness.

I'd count this one as a victory, Abbondad.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25667 | Registered: Aug 2011
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

evidently I cross posted. even your mediator mention it, she just doesn't get it. the first time she met with her lawyer? wow, just wow. I really think she believes that she can continue to eat cake.

two quick questions. what does your lawyer say your next step is? how did last night turn out?


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2968 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Snapdragon
♀ Member
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did she have a counter proposal? Does she really think she should be able to just come and go from the home, jack around the parenting time schedule, etc. No reasonable person would think any of that is ok. Oh... wait... I said the key word - reasonable. Sorry.


Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink


Posts: 3085 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can't wait for the update from your attorney and the court date. Gonna have my popcorn ready. You did great today AD


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1777 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, Everyone,

I feel really good (for want of a better word) even though we impassed, as expected. I feel vindicated--or at least I feel I will be, or to be more accurate, my children will be OK.

Everyone--mediator, my attorney, her attorney--got a good dose of her Crazy. Hopefully we will get in front of a judge soon and get these temporary orders in place.

PS: I love my attorney. She even let the mediator have it: "Stop right there. I am not interested in what you are saying. Go back in there and tell them if we don't get Exclusive Rights to home, we will not discuss anything else, much less a global settlement. Period. And don't be longer than five minutes."


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1625 | Registered: Dec 2012
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 1:24 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^Love her!!


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5608 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:25 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

two quick questions. what does your lawyer say your next step is? how did last night turn out?

My lawyer is filing for a hearing in front of a judge on Monday and expects that we will appear quickly.

Last night? You mean Halloween? I guess she left at some point after DD fell asleep. And LAST night she came over to get the kids and clearly was in a barely contained fury at me. Why, I don't know. I was the one who backed off of two of my orders--the kids seeing the POS, lowered my demand of 70% to 60%... She was the one who caused an impasse.

My next challenge will be Monday morning when she and I--alone for the first time in a long time--will be meeting with a new pediatric psychiatrist to discuss our kids' meds. (Our last pediatric psychiatrist '"fired us" since we could not agree on kids' meds.).

I predict more conflict, as she wants the kids drugged and I do not (within reason; I am not opposed to some mild anti-anxiety for DS).

Silver lining to this co-visit, and one reason I agreed to go: it clearly will contradict her demand for complete control over the kids' medical decisions.

In fact, it is so weird that she ASKED me to go with her so we can agree on the kids' script situation since. Could it be that she has actually forgotten her own demand (that I am so deranged I am incapable of making sound medical decisions?) in her counter-petition??

That would take crazy/stupid to yet another level.

In any case, any advice on how to comport myself in her company in front of this new shrink? Especially since I do disagree with her in this matter: the fact is, the kids only present with "problems" when they are with me.

We just fundamentally disagree. For example, she sees our DD as "hyperactive"; I see her as a very energetic, jubilant six-year-old.

I won't be bullied into agreeing with her.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1625 | Registered: Dec 2012
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:34 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you mean when they are NOT with you?

Treat her as you would am incompetent colleague you are forced to deal with.

I would suggest you get a second and third opinion on treatment. I too am averse to medicating kids unnecessarily but I would reconsider if several professions said it was necessary. Is this an option for you? One selected by her, one by you and a third perhaps a referral from your GP.

I have a feeling all of this is an exercise in control - she is trying to regain it.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5608 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:16 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you mean when they are NOT with you?

Yes. He is out-of-network, but can see us immediately and was recommended by DS's psychologist.

We will be looking for another in-network doc and thus another opinion, but for now the kids need refills of their current scripts.

I have a feeling all of this is an exercise in control - she is trying to regain it.

Oh, absolutely it is; it's a "game" to her.

But I must go and assert my presence and opinion since she is trying to claim sole decision-making rights to the kids' medical needs.

And again, I am not at all "anti-meds"; I originally agreed that both kids go on some anti-anxieties as well as meds to help with their Tourette's. And I do want them to continue. I just don't want them over-medicated unnecessarily, just because she can't handle their behavior when they are with them (and always and forever, all this resulting from her deplorable decisions).

Those poor kids (and I refer to all of ours on SI).


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1625 | Registered: Dec 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:20 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

STBXWW just informed me she bought our six-year-old DD her own phone "so she can get in touch with her." More power and control bullshit. Our DS has his own phone and there was absolutely no need for,this. And god forbid she consult with me first.

But here is the other thing: her phone is on the AP's account! This infuriates me. Can anything be done? Should I even bother to fight this fight?


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1625 | Registered: Dec 2012
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pick your battles. You have bigger fish to fry.

I completely understand why this would infuriate you - chances are that is why she did it.

Yuck. What a fucking piece of work she is.

FTG.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5608 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok think this latest distraction thru. If she is doing this to piss you off, she won't have thought it thru. So do the due diligence: A) worst case scenario of a 6yo having the type of phone the mother gave her.
B) The best case scenario of DD having the phone.

C) The most likely scenario that will happen.

What sort of parental controls are on the phone?

I'm thinking she got the phone, so that when you call DD you can reach her directly and not go thru WW. That way she can go do her thing leave DD with someone and she's hoping you won't have anything to hold her accountable for.

Good luck she's crazy!

I'm glad your kids have you for a parent.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5249 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
standingonmarble
♀ Member
Member # 31217
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Usually a phone is bought to give the parent the constant ability to PAS. When they are with you, I recommend putting the phones in a safe place, turned off so she cannot call them and upset them while they are with you.

Also remember that you can contact them while they are with her. A double edge sword for her, but don't be surprised that she takes the phones away from them while in her care. Your home, your rules. If the phone interferes with the kids, take them away. I-pods can be used the same way, so beware. Sneaky sicko parents use any method available to PAS.

Don't ask me how I know......


At one time he was a man standing on marbles. Now I am a woman standing on marble.....

We are done fighting with each other and decide to fight FOR each other.


Posts: 738 | Registered: Feb 2011
sudra
♀ Member
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd let the phone thing go. It will benefit you, too. Yes, she's a little young but it is what it is.

She's their mother and she does have some rights. You cannot stop or control everything.


Me (BW) (55), Him(SAWH) (58)
Married 22 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1492 | Registered: Nov 2010
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

STBX bought my then 9-year-old a phone. And it turned out to be my best evidence of alienation and disparagement as I took pictures and screen shots of what the POS was texting him. He tried changing the schedule through my son, disparaged me, told my son I'm a bitch and can't be trusted, talked bad about my home, told him he's "sorry" he had to come to my house, etc.. The judge was PISSED.

I would let her have the phone and keep an eye on it. It could be great proof for you of the kinds of things your STBXWW says to your kids..

Oh, and now the phone is mysteriously "lost," so the problem pretty much solved itself. I liked being able to text my son when he was with the POS, but I'm fine with going through STBX to talk to my kids.. He was too young for a smart phone anyway..

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 12:05 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)]


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ Stolen from asurvivor

Posts: 2296 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@BG --
and now the phone is mysteriously "lost,"


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8071 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, Everyone.

You're right as usual. I need to let this one go. There will be a thousand more actions like this in my future so I need to prioritize: can I control this? And to what end? What will be gained, and what will be lost? And ultimately, how would my reaction or lackthereof affect the children? For better or for worse.

I have my answer: let this slide.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1625 | Registered: Dec 2012
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