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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 4...
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, Everyone,

Our first mediation is tomorrow. It is only for my Orders for Temporary Relief:

-Exclusive rights to and possession of marital home (which she moved out of a year ago but comes and goes as she pleases)

-Fixed time sharing schedule with children (she makes it up on her own week-to-week and frequently changes it)

-Majority time sharing with me

-Spousal support

-Child support

-No contact with affair person (too late)

I expect she will concede none of the above.

We will be in separate rooms. My attorney has already told me if this is clearly the way it is going--impasse after impasse--we will stay the minimum time, two hours, and then we are gone.

Advice?


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1622 | Registered: Dec 2012
Newlease
♀ Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Go in expecting nothing. You will not be disappointed.

Sending strength and peace.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7700 | Registered: Aug 2005
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let your attorney guide you.
Don't back down on the things that are most important to you.
Do not sign anything without making sure the language is detailed and correct.
Good luck!


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6458 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
crisp
♂ Member
Member # 34236
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have participated in many mediations. Your attorney probably knows the mediator well. Ask about the mediator and the ground rules. Most of the time the mediator is under orders from the court to report back only limited things--that the mediation took place, who was in attendance and whether there was a settlement.

Generally, discussions and disclosures made in mediation are not admissible in court and cannot be disclosed to the court. Nevertheless, be careful what you say and disclose. Don't make this an opportunity for your STBX to "discover."

Also, mediators usually try to get the parties to settle and do not see their role as trying to get a fair or just deal.

[This message edited by crisp at 1:56 PM, October 31st (Thursday)]


Endeavor to persevere. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csEzTwKemwY

Posts: 386 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: NE US
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I expect she will concede none of the above.

Then you won't be disappointed. Stick to your guns. Do not disclose evidence. Just your demands. Make sure your lawyer knows ahead of time what your non-negotiable points are. She'll know how to negotiate from there. Just be absolutely clear to her as to what they

BTW Her asking about the meds and appointments is just a way for her to demonstrate that she is trying to co-parent. That is already refuted by her lack of......
Oh hell, you have that documented so many ways from Sunday, that I'm preaching to the choir.

Good luck tomorrow. Sending strength and Mojo, saying a prayer.

Oh, is she pregnant?


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2869 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks to everyone for their advice. I'm feeling pretty calm since I know what will be settled: nothing. Just a big fat cashed check.

Oh, is she pregnant?

I do not know. If she is, I suppose I should introduce her to AAS's equally CSTBXWW. ;-) (Gallows humor.)


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1622 | Registered: Dec 2012
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending you good vibes for the mediation tomorrow regardless of the outcome. Your doing great AD!


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1905 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is HERE in my home lying with DD in bed. She insisted on trick or treating with the kids and then assured me she would leave.

Instead she came into the home and started putting DD TO BED. I said quietly (fury in me) "I will take care of it."

For a moment she acquiesced and then DD freaked out that Mommy was leaving. So she got back in bed with her and said "I'm staying until she falls asleep." DD latched on to her.

I implored her quietly, "Please leave. Please stop prolonging this for DD."

She said nothing. I went into my bedroom and locked the door.

For all I know she will stay the night.

This fucking ends tomorrow at mediation.

My number one non-negotiable: exclusive possession of and rights to my home. She WILL NEVER pull this fucking shit again.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1622 | Registered: Dec 2012
Elaine2012
♀ Member
Member # 36099
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope you get that at the very least! What a piece of work. Sending MOJO ((Dad))


Me- 53
WH- 57
Divorced - May 22, 2014
Dday - Blindsided July 2012
Married 35 years
4 adult DD's, 2 SIL, 3 grandchildren

Posts: 287 | Registered: Jul 2012
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, just wow. Absolutely trying to push your buttons. Probably will attempt to push your buttons one last time tonight before the hearing.

Stay strong brother. Tomorrow is an important day for you. Keep your cool.

Strength for the hearing tomorrow. This can't play out well for her.

ETA content

[This message edited by 5454real at 10:24 PM, October 31st (Thursday)]


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2869 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No matter what, do NOT let her into your head, Abbondad. Don't let this absurdity shake you, ok?


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25508 | Registered: Aug 2011
rainagain
♀ Member
Member # 14917
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Strength for tomorrow and wise thinking - your non -negotiable is the exclusive rights to the time. Add to that keeping the parenting time the same and you should be in a good place. The money part will play out on state guidelines unless your L has told you otherwise.

Prepare yourself to just be in another zone mentally while you're there.

[This message edited by rainagain at 10:18 PM, October 31st (Thursday)]


Now, faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. Heb 11:1
I done been through the pain and the sorrow the struggle is nothing but love. Maino
Me: Divorced BS 49
DS22, DD19, DS17

Posts: 1298 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Massachusetts
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

good luck today brother


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2869 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending you strength this morning, Abbondad.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25508 | Registered: Aug 2011
sudra
♀ Member
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck today.


Me (BW) (55), Him(SAWH) (58)
Married 22 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1478 | Registered: Nov 2010
thenon-goddess
♀ Member
Member # 31229
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck today!


Status: divorcing
Typing on an iPhone - please excuse the typos!

Posts: 1244 | Registered: Feb 2011
DeadMumWalking
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending mediation mojo, stay strong ((((AD & kids))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2595 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
openedupmyeyes
♀ Member
Member # 27871
Cool  Posted: 8:52 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stay strong AD. Good luck today. Expect her to act as she always does.
You will be fine, because you will act as you always have. You are a dad fighting for your family. Even if you have to fight a member of your family. For the family. Understand?


Me:53 BS
Him:53 FWH Trying to make me a believer?
Years married:35
:03-01-10: The day I learned the truth
Kids:Daughters 4 all grown and married.
Reconciliation is hard.
Really freakin' hard.

Posts: 765 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: The Great State of Texas
velveteer
♂ Member
Member # 30997
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending you support today AD - hang in there, you're doing great.


Divorced

Posts: 877 | Registered: Jan 2011
crisp
♂ Member
Member # 34236
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't let her get into your head. You already recognized that there will be no agreement reached today. With no agreement, there will be no exclusive use of the home provision. Take a deep breath and focus on the path to your goals.


Endeavor to persevere. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csEzTwKemwY

Posts: 386 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: NE US
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