Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: sandihaze (45362)

Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 4...
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She has the right to break a window to get into her own house. It is still legally hers too. sorry.

I would acquire a storage unit that she does not know about and store one copy of everything in there. Orginals should not be in the house. Put them in a storage unit or a safe deposit box. Copies only in a locked fire proof box in the house. At least make her work for it. A lock on a second story room would also be a good idea. lock up your stuff though!


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8460 | Registered: Apr 2008
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

While we were negotiating our settlement, I would come home from work and find that XH had been in the house eating our food for lunch. He would leave his dirty dishes. When I asked my attorney if I could do anything? She told me to loose the key, change the locks, and forget to give him a key. And keep forgetting.

He could have broken into the house-but he would have to explain to the sheriff why he was doing it! I don't think XH wanted to deal with the police.

Hugs
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5279 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 2:36 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, everyone. I am still reluctant to change locks until there is an order in place.

-I have been dropping the kids at her place to avoid her coming here
-she uses the kids as "bodyguards" to go inside and I don't want there to be a scene in their presence
-even if I do change the locks and garage door code, I still need to provide my DS access and he could just lead her in
-All important documents are not accessible to her even if she were to enter and rummage to her black heart's content

My modus operandi at this time is to lay low and NC. Mediation on temporary orders is in thirty days. In the interim my and her attorney are going to try to come to an agreement; thus mediation may not be necessary and orders can be granted even sooner. It is then that I will change locks.

WW sent me a check for a few thou to cover home expenses, unsolicited. I am not touching it. Nothing doing until financial matters are set by law. This contribution has a selfish , manipulative motive, I am certain (if you've followed my thread you can probably venture some theories).

Suffice to say I am sure she didn't suddenly have an epiphany of guilt that she should be contributing proactively to our children's home-related expenses.

(She has also been uncharacteristically civil and even deferential in the last two days via text. Maybe she's finally listening to her attorney. Or maybe she is just "cyclying.")

Right now I am up with my DD who has a fever. Will likely take her to the doctor against my instincts and experience. I do not believe it is anything serious. (I have always been the one who "took over" when kids were sick.). But lest I am accused of being a negligent monster, I guess I have to.

But I have had a great week with the kids! They are so happy when home with me.

Sigh.

Thanks as always for your advice and support!

[This message edited by Abbondad at 2:41 AM, September 27th (Friday)]


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 3:37 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Was the mispelling of cycling deliberate?

Cyclying; I like it!

I also like the use of the term 'using the children as bodyguards'. My CSTBXWW does that to avoid any conversation that requires her to deal with the situation.

Skype tonight?


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 721 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 3:57 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Was the mispelling of cycling deliberate?
Cyclying; I like it!

Funny. No, not deliberate. Typo. But apropos.

I also like the use of the term 'using the children as bodyguards'. My CSTBXWW does that to avoid any conversation that requires her to deal with the situation.

Exactly. So childish to say the least.

Skype tonight?

My internet has been down for days. Everything through iphone. Hope to have it up and running by tonight. Meanwhile I'll set up Skype on my iphone. Add me. TTYL.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
velveteer
♂ Member
Member # 30997
Default  Posted: 4:15 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He AD - not been around much at all of late but wanted to just check in a say you're doing great - this is a long long road for you and I'm very impressed at your resilience and level headed approach. Keep it up. There's a bright future ahead and closer than you think.

V


Divorced

Posts: 877 | Registered: Jan 2011
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi,

The latest: STBXWW is looking into hiring a full time au pair. This way she can keep her Monday-Friday-night high paying job and have the kids 50% (if not more) but not actually HAVE them. She would not be home with them.

She intimated that she was considering this when we attempted our one and only mediation prior to me chucking that and filing.

Even the mediator asked her, "Why would you do that when your ex husband would be free and willing to take the kids? For free? And wouldn't they rather be with their dad?"

(She was stumped.)

Any comments or advice? This really angers me.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
Lola2kids
♀ Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, this really pisses me off.
I haven't replied to your thread before AD, but I have read everything.

What the hell good is it to hire a babysitter just so that you can have 50/50? She will not be with the kids so she can't do 50/50.
It's much better that you, their primary caregiver is taking care of them.

This is the ultimate in stupidity.
Sorry you have such and NPD ass bitch for a hopefully soon to be ex.
Glad the mediator pointed out the utter stupidity of her plan.

OMG, I am fuming.

[This message edited by Lola2kids at 2:34 PM, September 27th (Friday)]


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1422 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG, I am fuming

Thank you, Lola, so am I.

A friend of mine's ex pulled this same BS. When he "has" the kids 50% of the time, they are in reality with the nanny. He is nowhere to be found.

I am dropping them off at her place in a few hours (they're staying with her all the way to Sunday morning! I've had them for the past five days). I need to calm down so I don't completely lose it.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That woman is just a pain in the ass, isn't she?

You probably can't stop her from hiring an au pair, but I think that most everyone is going to have the same response that the mediator did.

God. She's just flippin' stupid and totally self-centered. Why does she need a full-time au pair if she only has the kids for 1/2 the time? This is something that my stbx would do. Act without putting any real *thought* into it....


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8085 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stand firm on the first rite of refusal. If she's not going to be able to watch the kids for XXX amount of time you get the first option to take them. She could be paying the au pair for a whole lotta nothing.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8460 | Registered: Apr 2008
standingonmarble
♀ Member
Member # 31217
Default  Posted: 5:05 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't be surprised if she thinks this would be "child care costs" and figure it in that way.

Let's hope she hires a sexy one so her AP can enjoy her too! (devil horns)


At one time he was a man standing on marbles. Now I am a woman standing on marble.....

We are done fighting with each other and decide to fight FOR each other.


Posts: 738 | Registered: Feb 2011
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't be surprised if she thinks this would be "child care costs" and figure it in that way.

This is just what I surmise as well, Standing.

Could she really be consulting with her attorney? If so, does this not strike one as rather stupid, self-defeating advice?


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
standingonmarble
♀ Member
Member # 31217
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't put it past her to get her advice from other mothers that have been thru it. They could be sharing battle stories around the water cooler. Women discuss many things, get/give ideas, she may run them by the lawyer eventually, but she is a NPD so she probably thinks she is smarter than him. I like the way she used the title AuPair. Sounds so fancy! So much better than the average nanny or basic babysitter.

I am impressed with the way you catch on to her games so much faster these days!


At one time he was a man standing on marbles. Now I am a woman standing on marble.....

We are done fighting with each other and decide to fight FOR each other.


Posts: 738 | Registered: Feb 2011
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

interesting concept. she suddenly has enough disposable income to hire an au pair? I don't think that's going to fly very well.
in your shoes, I would have my lawyer offer my services( watching the kids) for the same amount of money she is offering the Au Pair. in addition to the child support that is. dead serious about that, see what your lawyer thinks of it.

was she always this dense?


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2993 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let's hope she hires a sexy one so her AP can enjoy her too! (devil horns)


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9827 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just did the kid exchange at her place.

She is coming apart at the seams: she just rolled up from Daytona for business (hundreds of miles away) and looked ten years older. And she could barely contain her fury at me. For what? Presumably everything.

Did you bring DS's ibuprofen?

(Uh, no, that would be your responsibility to have meds for her since she is sick.)

Why not, she asked hostilely.

(Uh, because that would not be my responsibility. I told you she was sick and I'd been giving her ibuprofen after taking her to the docs. Now you have the kids for a whole 34 hours before you leave town again.)

I sent you a message TELLING you to bring some...

(Uh, sorry--I don't spend my time gazing at my phone waiting for your texts when you decide to send them. I guess you'll have to drive five minutes down the road to the drugstore.)

And so on.

I am playing it cordial, detached, and vaguely dumb. This is NOT how the script in her NPD mind is supposed to play out.

It's working--at least for me.

And the beat goes on.

was

she always this dense?

I wouldn't say "dense." She is a child. A petulant, blame shifting, entitled spoiled child.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The latest: STBXWW is looking into hiring a full time au pair. This way she can keep her Monday-Friday-night high paying job and have the kids 50% (if not more) but not actually HAVE them. She would not be home with them.

I guess I'm a little confused, so please excuse me if I'm missing something here. What is wrong with her finding an AuPair? Do you work full-time too? Do you want her to give up 50 percent custody of the kids?

I'm sorry if I missed something here. If you both have full-time jobs, then an AuPair would make great sense.

Frankly, I know moms who don't work at all who have AuPairs. And I know other families that work crazy hours and who need a nanny and an AuPair. It takes a village sometimes if you have a lot of kids or if you both work long hours. Or if you're a single parent like me!

I must be missing something! Sorry, I didn't read every post here.


Posts: 1702 | Registered: Oct 2011
LifeIsBroken
♀ Member
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She would suggest an AuPair because (1) it sounds 'elite' to be able to tell others you have one; (2) she would rather pay an AuPair than pay you child support; and (3) she would still be able to tell people she has 50/50 custody rather than 30/70 custody or something like that. I think most people wonder what's 'wrong' with a mother who doesn't at least have equal custody, there is somewhat of a stigma attached. I cannot imagine any judge would give a parent 50/50 custody knowing one of the parents is out of town for the larger portion of their custody of the children. However, not all judges give a rip about what's reasonable.


BW: 59
XH: 60
Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
MOW: 50 (she said she wanted a sugar daddy; xh said, "I'M HIM!")
Actions ALWAYS have consequences. Too bad cheaters don't consider the consequences BEFORE they create so much damage.

Posts: 510 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Missouri & Massachusetts
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am playing it cordial, detached, and vaguely dumb.

Keep this up ^^^. It will drive her *batshit craycray*.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17547 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 965
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49

Return to Forum: Divorce/Separation Lock This Topic is Locked
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.