Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: doihavechoice (44727)

Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 4...
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WW called me. In a flat, threatening ominous tone:

"I'm going to be up late tonight. I have to do what I have to do."

I know, just words, but she is very unstable and I'm freaked out at what she might do.

(VAR'd the conversation)

(She can't take them till tomorrow morning.)


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1588 | Registered: Dec 2012
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I'm going to be up late tonight. I have to do what I have to do."

Um, okay. Do what you have to do. No judge is going to question not dropping off kids after 10:00 pm as being unreasonable, especially if DS is sick...

Clearly she is not thinking about the best interests of the children...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1033 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Phoenix 1 is right, the kids won't be with her tonight.

BTW where is her boyfriend while all this is going on? Does she live with him? I ask only because my XWH is with a drama queen who stirs up the pot of drama regularly. Is your wife doing all this crazy herself or is OM involved or does he try to calm her down?

I know it doesn't really matter, I was just wondering.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2065 | Registered: Jan 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is your wife doing all this crazy herself or is OM involved or does he try to calm her down?

I have no idea. I suspect two scenarios, though, now that he is likely seeing her regularly without her mask and utterly crazy, raging and plotting against me.

He is desperately trying to do her bidding to prove that he is worthy to have won her and is right by his lady's side as she wreaks vengeance upon the enemy knight

Or

He is saying to himself, "oh shit--what have I gotten myself into."

If he bails on her I do know whom she will turn her wrath on, though, and it ain't gonna be him.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1588 | Registered: Dec 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:17 AM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Um, okay. Do what you have to do.

Phoenix,

What I meant by this is not that she has decided yet again not to take the children as scheduled; rather she is telling me threateningly that she is taking some sort of action against me.

She is in a state. She even muttered to me, "Lots of things are happening..." and then cut herself short and shifted to the ominous threat--"I'll do what I have to do."

Meaning do something to me--in the name of the children.

Among the possibilities:

1) level some nuclear bomb on me regarding the kids' safety with me. (RO, DMV, sexual abuse, etc.) She did this once before based on nothing but her wrath and NPD. She will allege some sort of abuse and/or neglect. Evidence? None? Evidence to the contrary? Plenty.

2) She will quit her job and go for full custody. Based on what? See above.

3) She will try to get me to move out and herself to move back in. This way in her mind she will have "undone" her leaving her children.

Regardless of the deplorable action she will take, it is all to assure herself in her mind that she has done nothing wrong, that everything is my fault, and, as always, it's "in the best interests of the children."

My hope is that her attorney--vile prick shark though he may be--will reign her in. As I have indicated, my attorney knows him--as battled with him before--and characterizes him as "aggressive--but not stupid."

I am dropping off the kids at her place this morning. I will keep my windows closed, and my VAR running. I expect the drama to be ramped up even more until she leaves town once again.

I know I need to stop obsessing over what she is thinking/plotting/doing, but she is sick and it makes me very nervous.

I wrote all of this to my attorney, who does not seem perturbed. She wrote back to me, "Just keep being the best dad you can be."

But even her seeming lack of alarm has me paranoid. Is it because she is confident? Is it because she has seen this sort of ugly drama for thirty years? Or (my paranoia) maybe she is not the shark I thought she was?

Wish me strength...


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1588 | Registered: Dec 2012
justabrokendream
♀ Member
Member # 3075
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your lawyer has probably seen worse than this - which is why she is trying to tell you to chill, something you can't appear to do.

Sitting around the house, thinking about what your wife "may do" is of no benefit.

Your children need at least one stable person in the household - if you are obsessing and distracted all the time - it is doing them harm.

I do wish you strength.

[This message edited by justabrokendream at 9:55 AM, September 14th (Saturday)]


Posts: 304 | Registered: Jan 2004 | From: CA
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Understood, but my response would be the same, thinking it to yourself of course. She needs to do what she feels is necessary, just as you do. However, try to stop obsessing over what she is thinking. The obsessing tends to bring emotion with it, and allowing emotion in can be a weakness. Divorce is war, and while you need to be thinking strategically about the 'what ifs,' you need to keep calm, cool, collected, and emotionally detached from it.

Think of military commanders meeting to discuss war strategy. They are not obsessing or overly paranoid. Just matter of fact. Your attorney is your war counsel. She has likely BTDT before. Her advice was spot on. Just keep being the best dad possible, yet keep your calm, collected strategy hat on.

Keep the strength you have been so diligently building!

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 12:20 PM, September 14th (Saturday)]


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1033 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
woundedwidow
♀ Member
Member # 36869
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you have formal, court-ordered child-exchange and visitation orders in place? If not, I would SERIOUSLY consider, after notifying your attorney of this ominous message from your STBXW, of your intent NOT to turn over the kids this morning (I relize I'm replying late). I don't think she's intending to take action against YOU; I thin she's intending to hurt YOU through the KIDS. JMHO.


Be careful what you wish for the most - you may get it.

Posts: 370 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: VA
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you have formal, court-ordered child-exchange and visitation orders in place?

Not yet, Wounded. The motion for temporary orders has been filed. My attorney and her attorney are trying to arrange for mediation. I am willing to give it a shot rather than attend a hearing, but if it does not work out then it will go before a judge.

I am hoping this mediation (with attorneys present of course!) will take place very soon. This week or next.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1588 | Registered: Dec 2012
heartbroken_kk
♀ Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Make sure you have a date on the court's calendar set, so that if mediation fails you can go to the judge to ask for orders. In fact, if mediation is successful, you can still go to the judge and ask that your voluntary agreement be converted to a court order.


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1124 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
still2suspicious
♀ Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ABB,

A piece of advice my L gave me, for a car accident, was

"don't worry until I TELL you to worry"

It took me a little while, but I have lived with that for over a year now, and it has worked. It's hard at the start, but I just kept telling myself "L hasn't told me yet", and now I'm "zenned" (don't think that's really a word)

I have learned L's aren't suppose to freak out at every little thing. And if they've been doing it long, and are good at it, they just store all pieces in the file until needed.

YOU ARE STILL DOING GREAT!!

Sending strength.

eta: HATE spelling errors

[This message edited by still2suspicious at 4:41 PM, September 15th (Sunday)]


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1278 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, Everyone,

Just when I think that maybe--MAYBE--one weekend can pass with peace as my WW has the kids: DS just called me in tears, begging to come home.

(She has had them since yesterday morning.)

He doesn't want to stay at Mommy's, he isn't able to fall asleep there, he misses me, he misses his friends...

I could hear my STBXWW laughing in the background talking to someone. I asked him if Mommy knows he is talking to me and he said yes.

Tough decision. Of course I wanted him to come home. But I decided it's in our best interest to tell him that this is his time with Mommy, everything's going to be OK, and he can't come home tonight. I would see him tomorrow.

I do believe however that they are en route right now to our home. So I left.

Wise move?


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1588 | Registered: Dec 2012
Missymomma
♀ Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, of course. Do not do anything that would be parental alienation and yet you are there for them if they come home. Let us know what happens.


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If she has driven him to your home, then you cannot be accused of parental alienation. My STBX did this, brought one of my children home early from parenting time, and I didn't try to stop it. I documented it all and forwarded it along to my attorney, followed up with taking that child to our counselor & letting the counselor verify that the event did happen and I did not instigate it.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9530 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
standingonmarble
♀ Member
Member # 31217
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you mean you left your home so you wouldn't be there when they got there?

Hmm, that's a toughie, on one hand your time is your time and it would be presumptuous of her to expect you to wait around for her call. On the other, you want to be there for your son. I do think it was right to tell him what you did. It is the truth, the separate lives you two lead now. I am afraid that she is or will amp up the crazy if she thinks you have a more interesting life now and that just can't be in her mind, and she will use the kids as something that needs to be rescued, thereby intruding on your time.

You have two things you have to achieve/balance right now: doing right by your kids and making clear to her that you have your own life now and she can't boss you around anymore. It will get easier when you have that official court order in place.


At one time he was a man standing on marbles. Now I am a woman standing on marble.....

We are done fighting with each other and decide to fight FOR each other.


Posts: 737 | Registered: Feb 2011
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So did she bring the kids back last night?
Was Monday morning drama free?

She is taking Crazy to a whole new level, and if your son is upset while there, and asking to come "home" it may be wise to ask your attorney how to best handle the situation.

(((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8229 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So did she bring the kids back last night?
Was Monday morning drama free?

Thanks, TN. No, they went back to her place after all.

But no, this morning was not drama-free: angry text that she has to stop at my house en route to taking kids to school because I did not pack DS's shoes when I dropped kids off Saturday morning.

(She had told me a week ago she was coming over to divide the kids' clothes so this wouldn't happen. I folded all their stuff and left them for her. She never took them, as I reminded her. Doesn't matter. Still my fault.)

But get this: I just got home with the kids after picking them up from bus stop. In the house the kids' meds are nowhere to be found. She hadn't dropped them off.

AND she did not give DS his antibiotic eye drops this morning. They are to be administered every four hours for five days.

In light of recent events (eye drops, urgent care visit,Celexa) you can see how incredible this is, and how she would respond if the situation were reversed--if I hadn't left the meds and hadn't given DS his meds??

Duly documented of course. I hate being turned into this person. Mistakes will be made by both of us. But because she is so vicious and is trying to portray ME as a negligent father, well.... It's just so incredible and disgusting.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1588 | Registered: Dec 2012
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Duly documented of course. I hate being turned into this person. Mistakes will be made by both of us. But because she is so vicious and is trying to portray ME as a negligent father, well.... It's just so incredible and disgusting.

Her own words apply in this situation, you have to do what you have to do.

Unfortunately, such a pragmatic approach does not make it any less difficult or sucky overall. You are doing great.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1033 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
sudra
♀ Member
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In light of recent events (eye drops, urgent care visit,Celexa) you can see how incredible this is, and how she would respond if the situation were reversed--if I hadn't left the meds and hadn't given DS his meds??

Likely this is revenge for you not bring the shoes. Tit for tat, in her mind.

If I were you, I'd get the meds. Otherwise, she can say AD left the meds at my house all week and DS didn't get them...

Just my opinion. I haven't been through this myself.


Me (BW) (54), Him(SAWH) (57)
Married 21 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1457 | Registered: Nov 2010
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

good lord, just more evidence of how she does not prioritize the kids.

my recommendation would be that you get the prescriptions refilled at the pharmacy. that way, you do not have to deal with her and she will also have a supply of medicines for when the children stay with her.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2725 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 965
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49

Return to Forum: Divorce/Separation Lock This Topic is Locked
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.