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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 4...
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, still. I sure need hugs right now.

Doing the best I can. I hate cliches but in this case it sure applies: one day at a time is working for me.

I will say one thing, though, that those of you who have followed me through all my stages, will be relieved to finally hear: she has officially been purged from my emotional system. That is, I feel no longing, no withdrawals, no pining, no romanticizing or idealizing. I don't want her back. I want her gone from my life.

I don't love her any more. I don't think I could ever have said that with utter truthfulness before.

And I don't think time gets the credit so much as being exposed to such vile poison as is being displayed now and over the past two months.

I cringe when I read my posts from mere months ago.

I don't know if that makes me tough, strong or whatever. All I can say is that I am SO relieved to be out of THAT place.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1616 | Registered: Dec 2012
Missymomma
♀ Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD -
WW has retained one of the most aggressive pricks of a shark attorney around. I am not surprised.

The good news (I hope): my attorney is well acquainted with him having tussled with him before and, cool as a cucumber, said calmly, "abbondad? Don't worry. I can handle him."

Well, more good news will also be that the Judges are usually aware of the attorneys reputations!


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

did you happen to ask her why she didn't take him? by text or email of course.

Of course I asked her (email), and told her it is unacceptable for her to change plans like that and for our child to be the one to inform me of this.

And of course no response.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1616 | Registered: Dec 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, here comes the next bullshit (predicted by me after I filed): she is texting asking for information she needs to fill out her paperwork.

She fired me as her secretary, among other roles.

This should be interesting as she knows nothing about our family's "business matters."

Prediction: she will harass me to do her grunt work associated with her goal of destroying me and then accuse me of withholding information.

I gave her all the passwords to all our online stuff a long time ago.

It's now up to her (or her POS, which bothers the hell out of me--that he is privvy to our private information)


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1616 | Registered: Dec 2012
momentintime
♀ Member
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Make sure she can't change anything on your personal stuff (like passwords to lock you out)or have you removed from accounts. I hope you have separated your financials, etc as much as possible so she can't do any damage in those areas.

You are doing fine. She is spinning out of control. You aren't caving to her demands and she can't conceive that she doesn't control your thoughts and actions. You are driving her insane, she is guessing how to crank you up, how to manipulate you and your aren't falling in line. Good for you. She is so confused about this new you. Let her stumble in the dark, let your attorney deal with her and step away from the crazy. Kids and finances,

[This message edited by momentintime at 2:09 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)]


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 2965 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lol, *Please help me screw you over*. Yea right. Resend her the passwords to the accounts. Inform her that the information she needs is contained therein. Done.

WW has retained one of the most aggressive pricks of a shark attorney around. I am not surprised.
The good news (I hope): my attorney is well acquainted with him having tussled with him before and, cool as a cucumber, said calmly, "abbondad? Don't worry. I can handle him."

Actually, that can be a good thing. Depends on you. If it goes to trial, you need to be every bit a cool as your lawyer. In my sitch, ExW hired a prick also. The questions he asked me on the stand were deliberately designed to provoke a reaction from me. Some of the questions were . Somehow, someway(divine providence?) I managed to maintain my composure. I answered all his questions with *sir* somewhere in the response. I followed my lawyers advice and carefully considered each question and answered as many as I could with a simple *yes, sir or no, sir*. Do NOT ever elaborate. That's up to your lawyer to decide which questions need a fuller response. It will come during cross examination. Anyway, her lawyer became angrier and angrier when he failed to elicit an emotional response from me. So much so that he was admonished by the judge.

In the end though, it boiled down to the facts. Who had my son where and for how long. Who placed a greater interest in the child's wellbeing. All the witnesses, all the testimony all the written evidence were considered and it was decided.

You're still doing good brother. Watch your interactions with her very carefully. When is the ruling on possession of the home? I guess what I'm asking is when can you begin to prevent her from waltzing in?


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2826 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know if that makes me tough, strong or whatever. All I can say is that I am SO relieved to be out of THAT place.
It makes you a normal human being AD. Welcome to the land of your heart catching up to your head! You still have some road left to travel but you have your L as your guide. Keep at it!


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1903 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When is the ruling on possession of the home?

We have a hearing set for next Thursday on the temporary motions (set parenting schedule, exclusive use of/rights to home, CS, SS, majority of overnights.).

Of course I will ask my attorney, but any suggestions/advice? How do hearings work?


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1616 | Registered: Dec 2012
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Depends. There are many types. Are there going to be witnesses called? Evidence presented? Are you going to the hearing? Your lawyer will advise. It could be ex-partee, no witnesses.

In any case, keep your cool, do NOT communicate in ANY way with STBXX regarding the hearing. Hell, act as if surprised that there is one. Ever hear the saying *knowledge is power?* Never more true. Each and every tidbit must be treated as the finest gemstone and you have no intention of sharing with her do you?

Kids and finances only. And that by e-mail if at all possible.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2826 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We had a temporary hearing. We didn't bring any witnesses there, but that doesn't mean you won't.

Before going in, the attys put us in separate rooms while they went to talk. Then, they came to each one of us with quick fire questions. "If you have them, what nights do you want him to have visitation, he wants 1 week at his place, 1 week at your place, what do you think about that, I asked that he be required to go to counseling, they said they can't do that in this state, then we went into courtroom.. The judge only asked us our names. Then, the lawyers talked for us. If the judge asked my atty a question, he covered the microphone and then asked me the question and I gave a response. At this hearing, I was granted full use of the home, XWH had to pay the house payment and child support, and I had to make my own car payment and pay my own bills. The judge put restraining orders on us regarding NO fighting in front of kids, etc, the OW could not even be around the kids, (standard, I think, in SC).

I think you have an advantage because you have been working with your atty longer than your wife has. Her atty is gonna believe her (which is all lies) and your atty is going to have a history of all the crap she's done.

The one thing I forgot to get that day was MONEY! My XWH had all the access to our joint acct with 1500 in it. I left court with a few dollars in my checking account.

Trust your atty, but do you have someone who is quick thinking on their feet who can help you that day?

Also, it wasn't really a day to settle anything, just set up boundaries. Is your atty pretty sure you will get to stay in the home with the kids?


Oh I just remembered, the attys also gave us this sheet of the standard visitation schedule for the holidays coming up. Think about what you want from now til D is final. Halloween- THanksgiving= Christmas- Easter- summer break in case you don't get a court date before then.

Here are the standard visitations/restraining orders we were given at the temp hearing, they show a link to some atty in SC - kimberly dunham. She's not my atty, but these are pretty much standard in SC from what I understand.

http://www.kimberlydunham.com/BrownVisitation.pdf

I have been told that what you get at this temp hearing could be an indicator of what you get long term, but I could be wrong...

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 5:35 AM, September 12th (Thursday)]


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2118 | Registered: Jan 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, Homewrecked,

I'm going to mull over your post.

Meanwhile as it turns out I am not to attend this hearing. My attorney is and I assume my wife's. If she indeed has retained the vile attorney.

I hope the judge will grant the motions and they will be put in place immediately.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1616 | Registered: Dec 2012
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Out of the dozen or so court dates we had scheduled, I only had to be physically present for two. There was a third that we were allowed to be present by phone/conference call.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9663 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That you are not required to attend could be a good sign.

The reality of the situation is that you are merely asking for a formalization of the existing state of affairs(unintended pun). Right now, you have the children a majority of the time. For the past year(? is it now?) you have lived in the marital home, while she chose to move.

While the courts sometimes are a bit weird, this sounds like it should be fairly easy to rule in your favor.

When/if that ruling occurs, I fully expect you to change those locks on the first day!

Good Luck!!!


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2826 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 4:23 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Adad, the court will notify you of her change in representation.

I might consider giving the financial information, one less thing to hold up the process AND it shows cooperation on your part to get the process moving. But ask your attorney.

Also for the expenses, my attorney sent back XH's for him to redo correctly. He was living with OW at the time. His expenses were those expenses he SHARED with her-not the marital home he no longer lived in or supported. Just an F.Y.I.

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5069 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another weekend kid exchange, another series of dictates and commands.

Text: "I will take them beginning 7:00 PM tomorrow and will have them until Tuesday. You can take them to my place."

Nice, huh?

I'm choosing not to battle this one and start with, "No YOU pick them up, etc."

One reason I am not engaging is that she won't come to the house this time. That's worth me dropping them there.

This BS hopefully won't last long if the motion for a set parenting schedule and exclusive rights to the home is granted soon.

I hope for a peaceful weekend and not have to hear from her. Won't likely happen, though.

Attorney spoke with her attorney. Had a "very constructive conversation."

We shall see.

[This message edited by Abbondad at 4:57 AM, September 13th (Friday)]


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1616 | Registered: Dec 2012
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:07 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can take them to my place

Nice, huh?

No. actually, perfect. She just established residency. Basically ceded you the house.

See why keeping it to e-mail is critical?

Good job!


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2826 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also, and I hope this was in text or e-mail...

...it just will not stop until the court order is in place: she just TOLD me she is bringing the kids to our neighborhood right now so they can play with their friends--and that she will be in our house.

Where does SHE think the kids have a better environment?


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2826 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The usual weekend BS has commenced. Picked up DS from nurse at school. Slight cold and itchy watery eye. Texted WW immediately. Gave him warm wet compress and he felt better. WW called him, texted me demanding I take home to urgent care, as he told her "his eye is hurting so much.".

I Told her he is fine, sent her a pic of his eye.

She texted me threatingly that he is in my care and I must provide him medical treatment. So it's "tit for tat" BS.

I texted, Ok, I get it. (I see what sleazy game you are playing.).

Am sitting in an urgent care with a kid with an itchy eye.

I half expect the cops to be waiting for me when I get home.

Meanwhile, she is supposed to take them tonight but she won't be home until around 10:00 PM. Texted her that this is too late and I will take them to her tomorrow morning.

No response. I'm sure she's plotting her next move.

An itchy eye. And so it begins n


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1616 | Registered: Dec 2012
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did your son really tell her his eye was hurting so much?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9663 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did your son really tell her his eye was hurting so much?

Maybe maybe not. Just got a diagnosis for possible mild conjunctivitis and a script for an antibiotic.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1616 | Registered: Dec 2012
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