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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 4...
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 5:04 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're a wonderful father,AD.

Im so proud of you..good job!


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7147 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
JustAShadow
♀ Member
Member # 38370
Default  Posted: 5:11 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You've found such strength in yourself - great work!


ME: 41 - Madhatter, 2 PAs, 1997, 2003
Him: 35 - Madhatter, 2 PAs, 2004, 3/2012 - 3/2014
Status: Living Apart

Posts: 194 | Registered: Feb 2013
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats again. You are really getting there.
BTW, do you get to listen in on the convo when your attorney calls her? Might be fun....

Keep up the good work.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7815 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, everyone. My cockiness and confidence have apparently dissipated. Now I am quite depressed about the whole thing. No regrets about filing, just a profound, deep sadness. I guess that's to be expected.

I miss my family, though. I suppose I always will.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1573 | Registered: Dec 2012
ExposedNiblet
♀ Member
Member # 30803
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to say it again... yay Abbondad!!!

As for today's sadness, allow yourself to feel it for an hour or so, then try to push it aside. Find your anger and hold it. It will serve you well now.

Stay strong.


Divorced
Me ($39.95 plus S & H)
DS1(17), DS2(15)

Enjoying this chapter in my life.
Learning that being alone does not mean being lonely.
Discovering that where I've been is not as important as where I'm going.


Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Right Here, Canada
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My mind calmly clicked and said, "OK, that's quite enough."

Dude.

That is POWERFUL stuff right there! Oh, yeah!

(I may make it my FB status some day! )

So proud of you!

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm At the city skate park with the kids. DS is joyfully skating with the "big kids," a little self conscious. DD learned today all by herself to ride her bike with no training wheels. She's awkwardly riding past me, her beautiful long hair waving, beaming at me.

WW is nowhere to witness these best moments in life. No calls to them as usual. I am struggling not to text pics of this to her. Not to stick it to her, but because she should be here, our arms around each other watching our beautiful children grow up, the way it used to be.

What is she doing that is better than this? I know I shouldn't care, but I am just so very sad.

How did this happen? Who are these people? What are these people?

Rhetorical questions, but I can't help but grieve.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1573 | Registered: Dec 2012
still2suspicious
♀ Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD-

**clapping hands**

You are doing great!

I would expect some one to grieve for the loss of the life that they knew, and wanted. But just like all losses in life, you will move thru this phase too. Give yourself time to feel it, and all other emotions that will come. It's natural.

Treasure times like today. Your kids will remember that YOU were there, not her. Those are the solid memories.

Sending strength.


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1265 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WW is texting me, pissed and "confused" why have not been responding to her texts.

States "I want to talk to you, not to mediators or lawyers about how we are going to resolve our mediation for the kids as I know we can do."

This is after she took it upon herself to cancel mediation and then give me a list of her demands, including 50/50 sharing even though her job will not result in 50/50.

I sense she is getting nervous.

Crickets from me?

Tell her I don't want to discuss anything but the kids for now?

I don't want to tell her I have filed until I know she has accepted this job.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1573 | Registered: Dec 2012
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crick-ets. Chirp. Chirp.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7706 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
alphakitte
♀ Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

An attorney is really hired mouth piece. Let your attorney speak for you, and the kids.


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 347 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Give her crickets. Like a big ole tube of them from the bait shop.

Pay attention to the kids and enjoy them. Put your phone in a place away from you. When is your attorney telling her? The sooner the better then you don't have to worry about responding.

Stay strong.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7815 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
rivenheart
♀ Member
Member # 13838
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't want to tell her I have filed until I know she has accepted this job.

How will you know that? And how long will you wait to find out one way or the other?


rivenheart ~ heartriven
Me: BW, 36 at d-day; WH, 40

Posts: 1037 | Registered: Mar 2007
momentintime
♀ Member
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She wants a opening to work you over and have you cave to her demands. You should be used to this behavior by now. Crickets.

You are there enjoying your kiddos, remember it was her choice to not be there. You are a family with the kids, she is the only one missing and again, it is by her choice. Time to imprint this new family picture in your head.


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 2901 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When is your attorney telling her? The sooner the better then you don't have to worry about responding.

Probably not until next week sometime. If contact is inevitable, I will just have to say, "I don't want to talk about it" and let her throw her tantrum in the name of--her favorite phrase--"what's best for the kids."

I don't want to tell her I have filed until I know she has accepted this job.

How will you know that? And how long will you wait to find out one way or the other?

I don't know when I'll know that. Again, I don't want to talk about anything except the kids' immediate schedule until she has taken the job (or not) and she has been served.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1573 | Registered: Dec 2012
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree crickets on her requests and demands. You are already doing what is best for the kids and she has repeatedly proven through action that she cannot keep her word nor do what is best for your kids.

As far as the day in the park, I know, I have been there. So damn sad that xWH was missing so many important and special times with all of our lads and lasses. Now 2 plus years out I am so grateful to be the stable person inn their lives. I enjoy seeing the little glimpses of their father in them. I see that he was once a decent person and there is still part of that decent person alive in our children. I do still get a little mad from time to time. Like when IrishLad got to row a canoe at 5th grade camp. Such a rite of passage for an 11 year old boy. His Dad should have been there, but I was and my son will remember that.

Grieving is hard, you have to feel it to deal with it. You will be the one who makes it out of this so much healthier, wiser and yes, even happier. I look back now and realize that my xWH wanted to live the single life, didn't want to answer to anyone, go where he wanted, do what he wanted. I wanted so much to stay married, keep our family. Now he is married to OWifetress, drinking a lot and the angriest "happy" man I have ever heard of. I am enjoying this new found life on my own. It really has been a gift.


Me: 45 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 22, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1676 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:44 AM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi,

I am getting texts through the night: "Are you willing to discuss mediation?"

"We need to talk about what is best for our children, not mediators or attorneys."

I need to say something, I believe. Not about the content but just something to make it clear she needs to stop this and will not get the discussion she demands. For example, "I do not not want to discuss it at this time."

And then either go silent or simply keep,repeating it. Either way it'll drive her nuts. (That's not my goal; just saying.).

The idea is to stave off any communication about the divorce until she is served.

Comments? Advice?


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1573 | Registered: Dec 2012
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think every time you engage, she is getting what she wants...a response..and a reaction. It's manipulative.

NC.

She has not been concerned about what is best for the kids..until now..until you stood up and said "no more." NOW she is all about the kids. But where was she when they kids were crying because mommy was at her apartment..because she had abandoned her husband and children for her affair and OM? She has known,all along,how much pain they are in,how confused they are. That didn't phase her one bit. But NOW that it's about to affect her..and her wallet..and her "rights" NOW she cares about the kids?

Bullshit.

NC.

YOU know what is best for your kids. Until their mother can pull her head out of her ass and remember that her children should come first..even before her..she is not capable of knowing what is best for those kids.

That pic..and then taking your DS to meet THIS man...is all the proof you need. What she did is going to affect this boy for the rest of his life.

NCNCNC.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7147 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
rivenheart
♀ Member
Member # 13838
Default  Posted: 6:54 AM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need to say something, I believe.

Actually, you don't. You really can just ignore her. Try it.


rivenheart ~ heartriven
Me: BW, 36 at d-day; WH, 40

Posts: 1037 | Registered: Mar 2007
alphakitte
♀ Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 6:55 AM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD, this urge to communicate anything with her comes from within YOU!

You aren't thinking reasonably.

Not discussing these things with her carries far more weight than saying you won't discuss these things with her.

Can you not see a trap that is gleaming in the broad sunlight? She doesn't want to do, or dicuss, what is in the kids best interest, as evidenced. She wants to manipulate you into an agreement without the benefit of mediator, or attorney.

For heaven's sake, she canceled the meeting with the mediator and told you she didn't want the law telling her what to do. What more do you need to know to understand?

By ruling out attorneys and mediators she is trying to corner you into something because she knows you'll honor your word. Anything you say, here will go against you. Anything!

She's going to twist about IF you contact, and IF you don't.
Tell your impatience, and OCD, to stand down, you've got this.


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 347 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
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