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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Totally Devastated
LostSoulss
♀ New Member
Member # 39988
Shutup  Posted: 3:40 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm finding it difficult to come to terms with the reality of finding out my husband has had an affair. I confronted him about it in May and am still struggling to make any decisions about my marriage (and what if anything is left of it). I feel totally devastated and adrift lacking any sense of purpose or direction. I haven't told anyone else about this to date as it all feels too raw and I feel I can trust no one.

Posts: 24 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: LostSoul
Phoenix9572
♀ Member
Member # 39987
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My MC told us both not to make any quick decisions during a time when we are both so confused. She said that when the feeling is like a steel rod running through your body - then you know which way to go.
I'm still waiting for that rod to get solid - some days I think it's there and others I'm a big confused mess. I just keep trying to take each day as it comes and not look too far into the future.


Me - 40
WH - 42
Married 18 years
kids - 14, 12
DD - May 13, 2013
DD2 - Aug 4, 2013
DD3 - Aug 27, 2013
Status - Legally separated; really wanted R but don't think that is possible anymore

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Southern Indiana
LostSoulss
♀ New Member
Member # 39988
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Phoenix9572...
Its good to hear that others are experiencing similar feelings. I think it will be helpful for me to read what other betrayed spouses are/have been going through- makes me believe I'm not totally alone and I may be able to actually talk about it instead of bottling it all up inside

Posts: 24 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: LostSoul
Thingsfellapart
♀ New Member
Member # 39351
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LostSoulss, it has been over two months for me and I still feel adrift and lost. I'm impatient and keep going back and forth about divorce and reconciliation. They say time heals all wounds...


Me: 33
WS: 38
D-Day 1: July 20, 2009
D-Day 2: May 9, 2013

Posts: 13 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East coast
LostSoulss
♀ New Member
Member # 39988
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am totally devastated by what's happened and feel completely confused about what to do -this in itself is disconcerting as I am usually quite a decisive person. I feel as if I'm wandering around in a fog and its affected work, home, my health and sleeping as well and I find I'm experiencing actual physical pain . I can't concentrate and at times have the overwhelming urge to run away from everything even though I know if I do, I will resolve nothing

Posts: 24 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: LostSoul
hurtincolorado
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Member # 40001
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know your pain. I am a very successful person. Always had the confidence to overcome evrything. Everyone, including me, thought we had the eprfect marriage. She seemed very happy. Since finding out about her affair I am no longer that confident person. I have lost my persona. Sometimes I think why go on but I move on. My guess is it will get better when one of two things happen. Either your spouse is contrite and you two heal or you leave him. I am in the middle as we have four children who will be devastated by a divorce and I am not through healing process nor know whether it will be successful. I don't trust her statements of sorrow and remorse as she had me completely fooled for so long. It may be that it never fully heals and I have a hole in my soul forever. I know someday I will get to a better place though and so will you. I just keep saying to myself that its not my fault even though almost all the time I think it is.

Posts: 38 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Colorado
Caligirl357
♀ New Member
Member # 39537
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry to hear you're going through this, hugs. I know how you feel about being adrift. It's one of the worst things I think that can happen in a relationship. My D-Day was back in Feb & it seems life has done nothing but pile it on since then but I'm (slowly) making it through day by day. You will too. Phoenix9572 is right, now isn't the time to make any decisions. Have you sought counseling for just yourself yet? Keeping a journal helps, too. Hugs!!!


Hurt me with the truth but don't comfort me with a lie

Posts: 5 | Registered: Jun 2013
TxsT
♀ Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LostSoulss....wow, you are my first post! I want to agree with Phoenix. I am now well into my 10th month of post DDay reconciliation and I can say the ride has been the hardest, most up and down journey of my life. Thankfully,upon discovery, my wayward spouse was immediately wanting to enter therapy and our counselor has been brilliant at helping me(us) sort through all the continued conflicting emotions that surround me(us) even today. He too encouraged me to slow down and realize that I was not in the right state of mind or spirit to make any huge decisions on my marriage. It was sound advise and I am glad I heeded it.

At 2 months, you are still in a world of hurt and uncertainty. You have been hurt to your core by the very person who said they would love you through everything. I know how alone you currently feel, I know you question everything about your past life and I know how uncertain you are about the future. In my case, I had a very keen sense of shame that came out and attacked my self esteem after finding out about my husbands affair. At 2 months I was just happy to get out of bed and have a shower each day. But, by 4 months, I realized that my self negative thinking was not helping me give my very repentant and devoted spouse a chance to "do good". I was continuing to downward spiral. With the help and encouragement of my IC (who is also our MC) I decided that my depression (which,it turns out, had also been a catalyst for my husbands affair) was so acute that it needed to be properly addressed by both my counselor and my medical doctor. I knew by this point I wanted to make as concerted an effort as I could to get beyond what had happened and, in order for that to happen, I knew I needed the extra help of Anti-D medication. This has been the single most positive decision I have made to date. I no longer feel completely overwhelmed by my situation, my panic attacks have all but receded and I have a much more positive spin on my future. I no longer have vivid dreams about the two of them and I am slowly feeling calm. Notice I said ME and MY!!! I did all of this for me, to make me stronger and happier. The added bonus is that it has had a profound affect on how I feel about what happened to us and how I feel about my husband.

Please note I am not suggesting this is a solution for everyone but, if you continue to feel completely alone, are unable to function at a minimal level, and can't get out of the fog and uncertainty talk to your doctor too. He is skilled and licence to detect depression and has many different sources of help, and not just medicational ones, that might help you get a better grip on who it is you want to become. After 34 years of marriage I am now in a position to decide if it is really something I want to walk away from.


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
gypsybird87
♀ Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Lost))))

So very sorry that you find yourself here! This is all recent for me too, and I so feel your pain.

My advice is to concentrate right now on yourself. You are not going to be in a state to make any decisions about the marriage until you get a grip on yourself, just YOU. I know it's hard... strength and courage are slippery during this process. Just when you think you've got a firm grip they slip away again. Please...

-Be patient with yourself.

-Ease off the pressure. You do not have to make any decisions right this second.

-Know that no matter how this goes, whether to R or to D, you will be alright. You WILL get through it, even though it doesn't feel that way right now.

-Care for yourself. Eat when you can, drink plenty of water, get STD tested, ask for medication to help you sleep or to calm you if you feel that will help.

-Connect with people. Find a counselor who you can talk openly to. Reach out to a close friend, and even if you don't feel able to share the whole story, let them know you are going through a tough time and need support. Let them comfort you. Don't stay isolated, it will drive you mad.

-And finally, post here. Post, post, post. Everything you are feeling, everything you are afraid of, has been experienced by the other members here.

You are not alone.

Hang in there.

[This message edited by gypsybird87 at 7:05 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)]


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 932 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
LostSoulss
♀ New Member
Member # 39988
Default  Posted: 1:40 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Folks for the responses.....
It does make me feel I'm not totally alone. There's some good advice from you all. I can see the sense in putting off making any decisions about the future because I am so confused and wouldn't trust my own judgement at this time- I feel it's been shattered into a million pieces as I have obviously completely misjudged the man I believed in, trusted without question and loved unconditionally. My whole world has come crashing down and I hate feeling so lost and betrayed

Posts: 24 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: LostSoul
TxsT
♀ Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost....I think everyone here can empathize with your feelings. I know I will never be the same person thanks to all of this. But, and this is a strange but, I am also able to see that I don't want to be the person I was before the affair anymore. In a very obtuse way, the affair has helped my hubby and I realize that what we did have was not what either of us really wanted out of a marriage. This whole horrible situation has given us a chance for a DO-OVER...to make it into what we really want to have. It took me 8 months to get to a better place where I feel more human and less disjointed. It was a lot of hard work by both of us and we have dissected this situation down to its very core. Don't be afraid to ask questions...ask every last question you have, no matter how hard it is to ask. These questions will guide you through the mountain of fog, uncertainty and hopelessness I know you feel right now. The answers to those questions will also help you discover which direction you really want to travel from today.

Have you sat down and created a time line of the affair yet? This, for me, was the biggest and most helpful exercise we have done to date. My husbands affair was over 4 years long. Like most wayward spouses, he just wanted to forget the nuts and bolts of the affair. But I personally needed to know them. 4 years is a hell of a long time and I was tired of having triggers pop up out of nowhere and bite me in the butt. Triggers being pictures, receipts, emails, travel diaries, anything that reminded me that there was an affair and things that, when discovered, bring you back to the very first moment you found out your life was never to be the same again. Once we set up a time line of all the encounters, all the travel dates where they shared things, all the crap that went on behind my back, it helped me get a clearer picture of what I was doing, and the family was doing, during this time. It also showed my husband a very real visual of just how horrible his behavior was and not only how it affected me but our 2 sons as well. He has suffered immeasurable shame and guilt from what he has done, how he has hurt me and how he let himself down as well. The time line also helped him remember things that his subconscious chose to hide. At first it was a point blank line with dates, and times on it. Over time though, he has been willing and able to add more to the line. He has seen how the information has helped me restore some sense of calm in my world. It has also been a way for us to start some horribly hard discussions we had to have in order to get the root cause of our situation.

Journaling also helped me see that I was slowly progressing, feeling better and being able to handle things more constructively. My journal was a way for me to get absolutely everything out and on paper. I had a hard time putting some of my deeper feelings into spoken words and writing them out allowed me to revisit them. I was able to visually see that even small steps were slowly adding up. I encouraged my husband to read it, and he did often, especially after a set back. He has told me that the journal has been a helpful tool for him to understand the huge extent that his affair has affected me by.

The best piece of advise I got in the first week after DDay was a statement from our therapist: Figure out what makes you feel safe and ask for it. Things like passwords to phones, email accounts, phone records, business diary pages, having hubby check in during the day, etc. These things helped me to feel safe that the affair was actually over and that yes, my husband was truly committed to helping me through the hell he alone created. I always explained why I needed to have these things and I didn't hold back at all.

I want you to know that it will get better, you will slowly feel more grounded and less lost. Time really does help and the things I mentioned above should help you to find who you are again and make you stronger. I hope your hubby is remorseful and ashamed of his actions. I hope he is helping you climb slowly out of this funk he shoved you into. I am fortunate that mine is all those things and has been a huge help in my progress. We are far from out of the woods but it is a start.

[This message edited by TxsT at 12:38 PM, July 25th (Thursday)]


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
LostSoulss
♀ New Member
Member # 39988
Default  Posted: 3:13 AM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TxsT
Thankyou for your advice. I feel that a timeline would be helpful. I too need to know the nuts and bolts of the affair- I have already started a timeline from the information I have gathered and have been trying to piece things together. I need my husband to fill in the gaps and potentially put me right if I have got some information wrong. I hope this will help as I am currently left wondering whether we have been doing things they enjoyed doing and therefore reminds him of her even stupid things like tv shows or films they watched or music they listened to -I feel I'm torturing myself with wondering and need to know. My husband states he feels totally ashamed and disgusted by what he has done and finds it hard to talk about-I find that hard to believe because he managed to keep his affair going for 18months so can't have been that upset by what he was doing. He also has said he is struggling with remebering dates so the timeline might just boost his reluctant memory. I totally agree that gaining this information will assist as you say because otherwise even something that would seem innocuous suddenly acts as a trigger. I'll give it a go and keep you updated.....hope I've not rambled on too much

Posts: 24 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: LostSoul
TxsT
♀ Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost....You have not said if you are in counceling or not, are you? Does your husband have a desire to attend Marriage counceling with you? If you aren't, I strongly recommend it. What has to happen for both of you to be successful is you need to be able to get to the root causes of why your marriage was suseptable to the affair. What was missing...communication is usually highest on that list. Therapy helps you to begin exploring such deeply rooted issues in a neutral environment. If you don't want to go can I suggest a book? It was recommended by our therapist and it has been such a huge and helpful tool for both of us. It is called "After the affair...healing the pain and rebuilding trust when a partner has been unfaithful". It is written by Janis Abrahms. It is also written for both spouces, the betrayed and the wayward. I was surprised to see how closley it followed the direction of our therapy sessions so I feel it would be a help and give you some direction. How we handled the book is I read it first, cover to cover. It was so helpful for me to know I wasn't alone. I then reread it and highlighted only the things that pretained to me and to our situation. Next to each highlighted passage I added an explination of how I was feeling or I would asked a question to my husband on if and how it pertained to him and to the affair. Then my husband read it, responded or comment on all of my remarks and added his own. At first it was hard for him, and his points were small, but by the end of the book he was writting paragraphs and really opening up. It was easier for him to talk about such hurtfull things in writting then through words. He didn't have to see my tears or look into my hollow eyes. We even started having discussions about whole parts of the book which was amazing. For your own sanity I suggest your read it. It sounds like your husband is much like mine in the shamefull feelings part and, if you can give him a way of telling you things that don't increase his shame, you might just be amazed at what he tells you in the end. I not only know all of the causes behind our frail marriage (even though I always though we had a very strong marriage I had no idea we both had feelings about it that we never told each other.) I now know how this all happened, the why's and the reasons my husband finally succumed to the extremely sexual advances of a coworker thanks to our continued effort to get beyond this.

From just the little you have typed I can tell you want to make an effort at reconciliation. I hope what I have said helps you know that it is possible to get beyond the total dispare we both are feeling thanks to our spouses. Life is not a bed of roses for me yet by far. I still have really good and really bad days. I will need to rely on my anti-D meds for quite a long time to come but I feel I am moving forward. Your long marriage, your children, your sanity and a remorseful hubby are reasons to try hard to make this work. I sure am glad I have tried this hard. Even if, in the end, we aren't 100% successful I know I am doing everything in my power to heal myself and my family.


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
TxsT
♀ Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost...I almost forgot the most important thing....once I started explaning to my husband how I was feeling and why I needed to know the info I wanted he was much more able to answer my questions. He was always affraid I was just gathering info to devorse him, or get even, and once I explained that it helped me calm my own fears or helped me sleep without dreams or it let me know what was true or false he stopped being protective and started helping me recover. He really has no idea how truly dibilitating this has been for you because no one has ever cheated on him yet. You are tramitized and your body and mind are still in shock. The book I mentioned will help him realize just exactly how devistating your pain is and that you are truly not in control of some of the things you are doing right now. I am keeping you in my thoughts.


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Wink  Posted: 12:49 PM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Lost

My heart breaks for you.

I am so sorry you are suffering like this, but I want to assure you...it will get better. You will be OK just not for a very long time. You have already taken the first step to healing, you reached out for support.

You found a very safe place full of very compassionate people that know exactly what you're going through. We've all been where you are now and most of us have made it out the other side.

I hope your WH is working to repair the immense damage he has done. For now, please take good care of you.

The shock of infidelity can cause PTSD. It takes such a heavy toll on the betrayed. What you're feeling is normal, awful but normal.

Sometimes it takes months to begin to process it all. Do what you need to do to heal yourself.

Be kind to you now. If you can go to IC, it helps a lot. It is your WH's job to fix himself. You can't fix him because you didn't break him. You did nothing wrong.

With time, you can work together to fix your relationship and save your marriage if that is what you decide you want.

You have received a lot of great advice already. Just wanted to let you know we are here and we care.

(((hugs)))


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1214 | Registered: Apr 2013
LostSoulss
♀ New Member
Member # 39988
Default  Posted: 4:32 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Numb...
Folks especially TxsT and 1Faith thanks for your messages -sorry not to have responded sooner.... its been an exceptionally rough couple of days ( bit of an understatement)
I think I should perhaps explain a bit about my betrayal hopefully it will make some sense and not seem to random or boring
Been married 15 years together 17years to a man I trusted wholeheartedly and thought I'd never have reason to doubt or that could ever hurt me like this...
We both have v demanding jobs and I can say without any doubt I've always supported 100% - I thought we were a team and were working together in all we did (how wrong could I be)
His A resulted through him going to a music festival with his friend in August 2011 that's where he met her (he's adamant nothing happened but she was with friends and they all got on and exchanged numbers). He says they kept in touch sporadically and by January 2012 she asked if they could meet up -they did and he says she kissed him as she got in the train to go home- he says fron there he would visit her and after about a month they had sex for the first time at her place. He says they woyld neet a couple if times a minth (usually while I was working) and that theg entered ibto a rekationship - he had feelings for her and loved her-nice especially as I was supportibg him with preparation for new job and when his parents both had surgery. The A continued they went to the same festival again ib August 2012 and spent the full 4 days together. He says he spkit up with her in Sept as felt guilty about what he'd been doing- he recontacted her in Oct last year and rekindled relationship from there. I knew something was wrong between us and in December asked him if he wanted to be here- he tokd me he'd changed and felt we were living together as room mates as opposed to a couple-I asked if there was anyone else and he strenuously denied it -I wasn't convinced and started putting things together-in January 2013 I got to my mind irrefutable proof of an affair- I was going to confront him -and here's the kicker.. I didn't because he had major commitments at work and had to undertake national training courses which if he failed would cost him the position at work- stupidity trying to do the decent thing and support him as I didn't want to be the cause or reason to jeopardise his job- (he managed to pass all his courses by April) I kept it all in until May 2013 when I couldn't do it any more I was severely stressed wasn't sleeping lost a significant amount of weight and couldn't function at wirk-I was actually sent home from work-went to Dr's who immediately signed me off work with stress
My husband has apparently finished the affair and wants our marriage to work

Posts: 24 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: LostSoul
LostSoulss
♀ New Member
Member # 39988
Default  Posted: 4:46 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Continued...
My husband wants us to be together and sags he will do whatever it takes for that to happen-I sugfested wd do a timeline of the A because as previously mentioned I need to know the nuts and bolts of it-we did a variation of that over the weekend and although I am glad we did and now feel I have more information than before its put me back to where I was when I confronted him and had my worst fears confirmed-l know this probably won't make sense but even after I had to my mind proof of an affair until I confronted him in May I had a slim hope that I could be wrong- it was as if by talking about it and confronting him I made it real
I am still reeling from the information he gave me over the weekend and hadn't prepared myself for it making me feel worse- thought I had already reached rock bottom but now feel I've managed to find a deeper level of rock bottom thst I didn't think was possible

Posts: 24 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: LostSoul
LostSoulss
♀ New Member
Member # 39988
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wasn't naive enough not to think him giving me information about the affair wouldn't hurt but what I have found more devastating is that he still appears to be lying over some of the details-stuff I can refute from my own detective work. I don't know how much more if this I can take -I seem to be stuck in a never ending downward
spiral and just when you think you couldn't feel any worse you get blindsided by something else. It's hard because I can't speak to anyone else about it and it's getting harder and harder to put on a brave face to friends and family-I'm sick of feeling like this

Posts: 24 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: LostSoul
TxsT
♀ Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost...(((big hugs))) I am sorry the time line sent you further downward. It did that to me as well since I was looking at a 4+ year time span when I was looking at the whole thing up close and personal. You may find that your WH's recollection might still be spotty for a while yet to come. It is very normal for the WS to want to forget EVERYTHING!!! Try not to let it get you down too much. I am still finding out variations of past info but their devastation on me is far less now.

I too felt that I had hit a new and more desperate rock bottom after revealing our own time line of the A. Unfortunately you needed to get there though before you can slowly go up. My experience has been that we take a step forward only to reverse backward. Thankfully each step backward has not been more then the forward step and this is how we have slowly progressed out of our very deep dark hole. Now at least you have something you can compare future conversations to. Keep it close and bring it out if you have to in order to show him you need the truth and only the truth.

What you may find also happens is that your spouse, out of shame for his hurtful actions, will couch some of the most hurtful incidence, especially if he sees the hurt and pain in your eyes. My hubby did this with me because you can imagine that my mothers death showing up on our time line was a double whammy for me since she dropped dead in front of us in mid sentence and I was left to take her off of life support. He knew how hard that had been on me and was not wanting me to bring up that pain all over again so he couched that item as best he could. In the end, after going back and forth on several couched issues, he has found that I really do just want to know the truth and only the truth no matter how much he knows it will hurt me. I have surprised myself. With each decent into the black abiss I have also showed myself that no matter how much it hurts I have been able to rise up again given the right support from him and my therapist. His support has been key though.

I am so hoping that you come through this next stage stronger then when you entered it and that you slowly feel the horrible hurt and pain subsiding. I am always here and so are so many others.

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
LostSoulss
♀ New Member
Member # 39988
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Someone please tell me it will get better soon
I don't know how much more I can take...
Having found out how my H met her (at music festival) he has told me she had known from the start he was married and had asked why he was married-he says he told her we were happy and when you meet 'the one' you just know.
He says she was with friends and they all exchanged details and he thought nothing more of it. He also says the friend of his that was with him warned him he thought she was interested in my H but he dismissed it-I dont understand if it was all so innocent why he didn't tell me anything about it and then kept in touch with her secretly.
I've found out not only was he in touch with her but he introduced her via twitter etc to my sister in law and she has been aware of the affair all this time-I know blood is thicker than water and all that but what hurts is we were supposed to be close -I understand her supporting her brother but I am devastated she has been supporting the OW -it hurts all the more because I welcomed my SIL into our home as somewhere to stay and be safe not 12months earlier when she ran away from her abusive spouse
I have also seen messages where the OW has been telling my H she is being supported by my SIL-my SIL hasn't been in touch with me once
It's like another betrayal and pathetic to admit it hurts
Am feeling that I should perhaps cut my losses and go/tell him to go because at least I could have all the heartache in one go and not have to keep going on this downward spiral
Is it 'normal' to feel this way and swing from wondering if it's worth trying to get through it and persevere or just throw in the towel and walk away
Anyone any suggestions?

Posts: 24 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: LostSoul
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