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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Marginalization.
Yakamishi
♂ Member
Member # 38230
Angry  Posted: 3:18 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Grrr. Marginializing. Things are going great. I'm frankly surprised at how happy we've been. But like most of you here, the rollercoaster still goes on at times.

Nothing bothers me more, hurts me more than the downplaying of how bad her actions were.

My wife is very appeasing and defensive by nature. So I do get the impulse. When we are arguing and I press her to hard, to much. But sometimes it's like a kick in the head.

My top 5:

"It was only one man."

"It was only one affair in 20 years."

"The other one was only making out and it was before we were married."

"I didn't do it like I do it with you."

"I only slept with him four times."

Grrrr. I get it. But who's benefit is she saying this for? Mine? or hers?


[This message edited by Yakamishi at 3:56 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)]


Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 220 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Definitely not cool. To me, infidelity is kind of like a death. When it comes down to it, does the method of murder really matter? "I only shot you four times, not fifty" doesn't really change the end result.

Are you in MC? If so, I think this would be a good topic to bring up.


Posts: 7103 | Registered: Dec 2010
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are these her responses now?

They do not sound like responses from someone who is remorseful for their actions.


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2587 | Registered: Aug 2012
Yakamishi
♂ Member
Member # 38230
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. Its not her true feelings. WW is a bit of an odd duck. She's very accommodating, and when pushed she gets defensive and tryouts to rationalize things rather than meet them head on. Basicly a defense mechanism. those quotes are from heated arguments when she is upset. She very much regrets them. And apologizes up and down. Still irks the shit out of me though.


Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 220 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Yakamishi
♂ Member
Member # 38230
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Duh. Double post.

[This message edited by Yakamishi at 9:56 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)]


Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 220 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
nuance
♂ Member
Member # 28793
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I call that the "I'm not hitler" defense.
What do they want, a medal?

I told my FWW I wouldn't be able to forgive while there was minimizing or blameshifting.


Dday May 2000. R'ed.
People suck.

Posts: 1208 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: California
boontje
♀ Member
Member # 33247
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not sure what you mean when you say your wife is a "bit of an odd duck", but I am pretty sure that the things she says to you in the heat of the moment are a way to minimize what she has done. How can R work if you are expected to just get over it?


Me: BS
Dday: June 2011
Working on R, one day at a time

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.
― Ernest Hemingway



Posts: 934 | Registered: Aug 2011
Blobette
♀ Member
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nuance -- love that! I'm going to use that! WH so often will point out men who were REAL bastards. Uh, so that makes what you did OK? I know he's just trying to cope with what he did, but really? He has to say this to me?


BS (me): 50
WS: 50
Married: 26 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1057 | Registered: Aug 2012
BFFGone
♀ Member
Member # 38263
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's like shooting someone point blank range in the chest, and saying, "I only shot him once"! Lol!
My WH tries this, and our MC has told me to remind him that one iceberg sunk the Titanic. Now I just say "Titanic" and he gets it


I choose to thrive. I choose to be happy.

That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger...but damn, aren't I strong enough yet???


Posts: 71 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 9

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