If I may change or lighten this discussion a little. I have not dated outside my race until recently. I am white and was matched with a black man on e-harmony who contacted me. After many e-mail and phone conversations we decided to meet. We seemed to have a lot of values and interests in common. He asked me if I have ever dated a black man before and I said no but, to me I view people as people, he is a man, I am a woman. Just from our conversations about family, work and past history he sounded like someone I'd really like to meet. We have been seeing each other for a short time but I have to say I am really enjoying our time together. We embrace our cultural differences and sometimes have a good laugh over them. We live in two opposite worlds. I live in an area where you don't have to lock your doors or, I can leave keys in my car (I don't) but, he lives in an area where he won't let me drive alone to his house, he will bring me to and from his house (he is a sheriff). He treats me like a queen.
I guess the point I am trying to make is seeing him has enriched my life in ways I have never expected and allowed my soul to grow.
Best of luck to you.
If the grass is greener on the other side....water your own lawn.
The Usual Suspects:
XWH (serial cheater with 12+ OW. Undiagnosed SA?)
Note: I edit often for typos/c
I get the responses that Crush got...although some could have been gentler but
There was not one indignant "how could you" to this woman and I doubt there would have been one today. What was/is the difference?
Oh goodness, I wish people wouldn't be so sensitive! Don't try to defend someone else's "honor" or whatever it is here.
Would the first person to comment mention they were offended if he said he was looking to date a majority race...say Caucasian? He could also be Caucasian, but living in Puerto Rico perhaps.
I didn't see a single thing wrong with saying he was looking to meet/date specific race because he thought they were interesting. I think I am interesting. :) I didn't feel objectified and I don't want someone suggesting I should be offended by my race being labeled interesting! Wasn't an insult in my opinion.
[This message edited by I.will.survive at 7:22 AM, July 25th (Thursday)]
Would the first person to comment mention they were offended if he said he was looking to date a majority race...say Caucasian?
Actually, I would. I've turned guys down from OLD because they are only willing to date white women (I am white).
Crushed clarified later that he wants to expand his horizons. That I find admirable. However, his initial wording was, the way it read to me, incredibly offensive. We react to the way things are written on a message board.
[This message edited by asurvivor at 8:35 AM, July 25th (Thursday)]
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley
I honestly feel there is such an anger on here towards men...and I get that...that the bias is evident.
I'm not sure about an anger towards men, but I've definitely seen some have a double standard. For example, the attitude towards men dating younger women vs women dating younger men. Or, have a man post a pic of a hot woman and see how many woman are "offended", yet we see women post pics of hot men all the time and nobody says anything.
"Some of us don't see people how they are but how we need them to be".....quote from Uncertainone
Giving your opinion is fine, attacking someone to the point of them leaving is not.
Please post respectfully.
I am attracted to men of a certain type but holy cow, I know you are not all alike!
No reason to leave SI. I simply stated that it was awkward and bordered on being offensive.
Everyone has preferences, whether they realize it or not. And yeah, had I not gotten my knickers in a knot over the wording, I would have encouraged Crushed to follow up on some of the suggestions of the other posters.
When we respond to these posts, we bring our whole self into how we read what we are reading. I work in a very culturally sensitive and PC environment. Obviously, I brought my work head into my response.
Sorry if I scared you away Crushed...
Divorced 2009, Closing on house Nov 2011 -
No longer waiting for the other "she" to drop.
That I find admirable. However, his initial wording was, the way it read to me, incredibly offensive. We react to the way things are written on a message board.
And this is why I hate texting! Everything you put can be taken out of context.
Now, I agree with what crushed said.. It is interesting to learn about different cultures, food, language, ect. How else could you put it?
If I said " I find that fish interesting, its different, I like the colors on it, very beautiful, I would to learn more on that fish".
Would that be horrible?
Learning about other people and where they come from and to express how attractive they are to us is not bad.
I am white with mongo in me, my wh is black and indian, my kids are bi-racial. Our whole family is blended with different back rounds and race. It is a beautiful family. I love knowing that people are learning to get over their fears and wanting to get to know someone other than who looks like them.