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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: When someone is interested in you & their name is the same as ex
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Frustrated  Posted: 7:21 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So....this guy started talking to me on Match yesterday and seems like a nice guy..... his profile name was Jay something so I assumed that was his name. So, I asked him if his name was Jay?

He replied, no, its Jason.

That's my XWH's name. I don't know how I feel about that.

I know that a name is just a name and my best friend is re-married to a guy named the same name as her first husband....so I know that its just a title.... but....UGH. Just UGH.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You could always still call him Jay! LOL

My friend's H real name is Jason but he goes by Jay.

Welp - look on the positive....this Jason might redeem/change your reaction to the name Jason by a positive association.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2099 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I tend to attract guys with similar names.....I've dated 2 davids and a dave....1 Jason and married a Jason....and sperm donor's name was Chad....

I need an Alejandro please!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do that too....I have serious history with a few guys named "Mike".

My GF will always laugh and say "OK was that Mike from ABC-town or Mike from ABC City or Mike from ABC-Ville"


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2099 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And, I "try" to take into context the fact that Jason and David and Chad are all relatively common names.... but it still doesn't change the fact that I cringe every time a guy introduces himself by one of those names!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ex has a very common name for us "40-somethings". He was the 3rd I dated with this name.

When I first started dating, I couldn't date someone with that name...now it doesn't bother me at all.

My sister's first and second husbands have the same name.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4133 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
hurtinky
♀ Member
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My mother has been married three times. All of them named Bill.

My ex WH's name is another word for "man." I hear that word constantly. It makes me want to It's like the worst trigger imaginable.

[This message edited by hurtinky at 8:26 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)]


Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12



Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dealbreaker for me. Its an ugly name anyway - I've always thought so.

[t/j - I never once in almost 10 years called his name out during sex. Never said it. Only he and my various ONS-6w stands share this illustrious honour].

I could probably handle it if someone's name was Jason but he went by Jay.

The equivalent in my situation would be T. I don't think I could date a guy who called himself called "T".


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5549 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The equivalent in my situation would be T. I don't think I could date a guy who called himself called "T".

Silly girl - of course not....he would be "Mr. T"

Bhahahahawaaaahhhhhhhhh


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2099 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey, when you put it that way... I'm in!


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5549 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
jennie160
♀ Member
Member # 29949
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On the bright side if you accidentally call him by the XWH's name he will never know.

I was petrified of accidentally calling current SO by XH name for about the first year of dating. XH and I were together for 7 years, my only real relationship, I was afraid that I would call SO by XH name out of habit (especially during that sleepy period where your not really asleep but not really awake either).

It sounds like he goes by the name Jay if he is using it as his profile name. Jay and Jason are different enough that it probably wouldn't bother me much.


Posts: 921 | Registered: Oct 2010
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I used to work with a woman that married a guy with the same first and last name as her xh. We were laughing that she didn't have to change her name again (she was still using xh's last name). She said she refused to date him initially because of his name, but he eventually won her over.

I'm fortunate that STBX has an unusual name so I doubt I wil come across another one.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 887 | Registered: Mar 2013
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I used to work with a woman that married a guy with the same first and last name as her xh.

Wow.....a guy would have to look like Brad Pitt... be a doctor....own an island...and be hung like Ron Jeremy for me to go there!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
inconnu
♀ Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My SO has the same first name as ex, only spelled different. It was pretty strange at first, and it was hard for me to call SO by name, too. I felt really bad about it, but SO was very understanding. We got through that, and it's not an issue now.

Depending who I'm talking to though, sometimes I still have to say "boyfriend or new firstname" or "ex-firstname" just so they know which one I mean. I try to use "the boys' dad" as much as possible, to cut down on any confusion.

Oh, and what I wrote above is the polite version. At first I used "good first name", and "shithead first name."


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12146 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
nutmegkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got a hello on Match from someone wiht the same name as my ex, and I thought to myself "poor guy, he could be so nice, but I can't go there right now". It's just too weird for me.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2589 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

XWH is a Gary which is not uncommon - don't think I could go there either....lol.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4510 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wasband shares his name with half the males in America. My future prospects would be SEVERELY limited if I tried to avoid "them."

Truly, though - I very rarely called Wasband by his name. Like - never. It was always a nickname or pet name. I do use his given name now, and I have a hard time using it because it doesn't seem to fit him.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25264 | Registered: Aug 2011
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Couldn't do it. He hurt me too badly. Luckily no one is interested in me anyway.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9636 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His name was pretty common, and borderline androgynous with all the feminine variations so I'm becoming desensitized to it. Same last name however would send me fleeing for the hills. He had a lot of not so great people in his bloodlines.

Posts: 3382 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I cannot do this. Sorry. Not going to justify it with a "reason" or explain it to any unfortunate people who share his name. But it is a NO for me.

On the bright side if you accidentally call him by the XWH's name he will never know.

If I accidentally call an SO by the "name" in my head for WXH, I will be apologizing for calling him an asshole motherfucker. Some people change THEIR name when they divorce; I changed his.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5808 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Topic Posts: 35
Pages: 1 · 2

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