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Newest Member: Sunnyhopeful82 (45341)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: When to give up?
♀ New Member
Member # 39812
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe I'm cynical, but totally agree with AMA and Tabitha.
She wants you to do the dirty work of breaking up. Then she won't feel 'guilty.' And you both get to think she's a good person.
I think she's manipulative....maybe not're such a good guy she may think she doesn't deserve you because she knows in her heart she's just not feelin it.
Quit beating yourself up.
And think about if 'she's just not that into you.'

Posts: 1 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My friend married a guy like this. Year after year she tried to prove to him how much she loved him and how awesome he was....

It's too much work. She had to divorce him because HE began to bring HER and her daughter down.

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2212 | Registered: Jan 2012
♂ Member
Member # 36336
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I talked to her. Told her to cut the bulls---. Asked her if she wanted to be with me or not. Told me one problem was that my xww was still in same town.(small town) She is uncomfortable around her when the kids have things up and she is there also.
yada yada yada, told her we need a break. Told her to decide if she wants to be with me or not. We can still be friends, no hard feelings.
I think I'm gonna just cut this off now or else we will be back here again. Gonna sleep on it.
A sad thing is....I'm not that hurt. I love her, miss her, want to be with her. Afraid I might have a cold, careless heart.

Posts: 123 | Registered: Aug 2012
♀ Member
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 1:14 AM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Afraid I might have a cold, careless heart.

You don't!!!

She has been playing games with you and not being honest. Finally getting to the bottom of her shit is freeing and I'm sure it's relief to get away from the drama. It doesn't mean your cold and heartless. It means you are taking control of your life.

BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3250 | Registered: Dec 2008
♂ Member
Member # 36336
Default  Posted: 6:10 AM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to thank you all for your help. I appreciate it more than you may realize.

I will come around more often to try and return the favor or "pay it forward".

Take care, all, and have a good weekend!

Posts: 123 | Registered: Aug 2012
♀ Member
Member # 25557
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a motto on someones tagline here on SI, "when someone tells you who they are, believe them". She is clearly telling you who she is. You can not fix her and you did not break her. It is not your job to fix people let the therapist take care of that. She has to want to be fixed. My XWH used to tell me all the time how he wished he could be more like me, because he was a selfish person. I did not understand what he meant. "WE" did alot for others all the time. Hindsight being 20/20 I realize it was always me suggesting ways to give to or help others, "HE" was just along for the ride. He really is a selfish man who struggles constantly with his desire to please himself above others. But that is his struggle not mine. Morale of the story is he told me who he was and I did not believe him. I will not make that mistake again. Good luck to you.

BS - me 49
XWH - him 48
DDay 05/08
Married 25 yrs, 2 sons 28/23
2nd Marriage 11/1/13 livng the dream
Thanks to you I'm finally thinking about me, you know in the end the day you left was really my begnning - Kelly Clarkson

Posts: 420 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Memphis, TN
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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