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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: And two steps back ...
LonelySilhouette
♀ Member
Member # 39502
Default  Posted: 11:43 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

R was going fairly well, counseling going ok, HB sex has been great, and then today happens.

Back on May 25 when I got a look at WH's phone, I copied down several phone numbers. That was how I found out there had been more than 1 hooker that he previously admitted to. I also turned up a phone number for a woman who worked for a legitimate company and that one confused me. I ended up giving the benefit of the doubt on that one, never asked him about it, decided it could have been a simple telephone solicitation for what they sell.

I have access to the cell phone bill now, and it arrived today. Turned up two calls TO that same woman. So, I had to confront him and ask who she is.

Sigh, apparently he met this woman 3+ years ago when he was out walking our dogs, they ended up having coffee together a couple of times, she was allegedly interested in getting a puppy from us. He says he ascertained fairly quickly that she wasn't an appropriate home for one of our puppies but she continued to call him now and then to ask about litter plans. The whole story smells bad. He says nothing was going on, she has a bf, they were just acquaintances. An acquaintance that I knew NOTHING about. He says that he told her NC about 3 weeks ago, that he was having marital trouble and he didn't want to be distracted. How was he distracted by an acquaintance with whom he swears nothing was going on?? He cried and sobbed that he doesn't want anything to screw this up. I said the only thing screwing this up is you.

Like I said, the whole story just doesn't pass the smell test.


Me - 49 (BS)
Him - 51 (WH with "8 or 9" prostitutes)
Married 30 years, give or take a few weeks here and there
D-Day - May 4, 2013
Discovered an EA going on since 2010 around that time, too. NC in place now.


Posts: 88 | Registered: Jun 2013
sri624
♀ Member
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 12:37 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hi lonely....hugs to you you.

trust your gut..always. yes, his story does stink to me.

he says he met her 3 years ago? why is he still in contact with her? and so they kept in contact so that she could find out about the litter plans since she was not going to take the puppies? why does she care about the puppies if she is not going to take them?

and she knows he is married, so why keep in touch or continue to be friendly with a married man....to talk about puppies you are not going to take?

and if she wasnt going to take the puppies, why do the call logs show that he called her?

i think he is lying, and got busted...again. and because you told him you think he is full of crap, he cries and sobs.

but you are strong...i can read it in your post. you already know that this does not pass the smell test.

so dont let it. trust your gut....

hugs to you lonely.


BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
Attempting R in bi

Posts: 916 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
SoVerySadNow
♀ Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you busted him.
Why was he saying anything to some "acquaintance" about your marriage at all?
And coffee a couple of times. Sheesh.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
mepe27
♀ Member
Member # 18158
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

totally agree with your gut and the other posts. The way I was able to figure out the truth was thru these exact types of inconsistancies. If telling him flat out that 100% honesty is the only way, doesn't stop the trickle truths/lies I would write his statements out.

for instance he said that she only calls from time to time about litters, but you said you saw 2 calls from him to her last month, unless you have a litter on the way, tell him to explain those calls, on the spot.

When I did that with my H and I told him why his answers made no sense, I gave him the out of telling me what I knew as the truth. I think thats important, rather than leaving it opened ended "tell me what really happened" Say I know you have been sleeping with this woman, pick the worst thing you can think of as the answer then if he didn't sleep with her, he'll be super anxious to tell you no and why, if he did, he may see this as a way to just say yes and get it out. See what I mean if he doesn't have to say the actual words I think that makes it easier for them. Once you get to the truth you can talk with more detail imo.


Me BW-39
H WH-41
Married for 10 years
Two boys 6yrs, 3yrs
D-Day 12/1/07
Got whole painful truth 2/2/08
5/15/2008 EA with co-worker, I left
6/1/08 - We are committing to R
"One falsehood destroys a thousand truths"

Posts: 2303 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Georgia
LonelySilhouette
♀ Member
Member # 39502
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FWIW, he says that the calls TO her were about mortgage rates (she is a mortgage broker) because his sister was trying to tell him he should buy a house (since he thought at the time that we were going to separate). However, considering that he thought she was too scatterbrained to be considered as an owner for one of our puppies, why would he trust her for a legitimate service? At least that's how I look at it. Plus, the mortgage rates are on her website - he said he didn't know she had a website, hasn't been on it.

I hate this shit.


Me - 49 (BS)
Him - 51 (WH with "8 or 9" prostitutes)
Married 30 years, give or take a few weeks here and there
D-Day - May 4, 2013
Discovered an EA going on since 2010 around that time, too. NC in place now.


Posts: 88 | Registered: Jun 2013
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah. I'd dig a little deeper.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6306 | Registered: Jan 2011
Topic Posts: 6

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