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User Topic: Did WS confess initially or did you discover A?
Lucky
♀ Member
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Confessed & then the infamous "given the old "ILYBINILWY crap"


♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥


Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
SuperSadWife
♀ New Member
Member # 39896
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I discovered it.. A couple of days before found a condom in my car that he had taking over the weekend. Said it was for our 16 yr old DD who was going to a sleep over party with boys. At first I chuckled saying you should have asked me first whether that was appropriate. Was suspicious as we had not had sex in years and never used condom...
asked DD.. We are very close.. She laughed.. Asked him again came home late..hmm was with bitch to tell her he got caught.. bought more condoms cuz he told me he had them in his nightstand from when we used to do it..
I cooked dinner and went to check an email for work on computer which is where he was sleeping.. he had been sleeping in the guest/comp room. He left his phone there.. A rareity and it buzzed...oops bitch sent him a text saying how she missed him at some event he was suppose to go to.. I sent some texts back asking who she was .. Ha she was like seriously you are joking.. Little did I know but since i found the condom it freaked him out and he told her earlier they were done.. He went to bed in his room.. I looked at the nightstand which was in our room where I slept....fucking idiot bought different condoms..So I knew in my heart..so I asked him who was **** why did she text him.. oh a work friend acquaintance blah blah blah.. I did remember he mentioned her once but didn't think twice. Did some investigation on her phone number..not registered to her name.. Did more searching found the bitch.. Went to beat the shit out of him.. he joking saud shes a bitvh i met and we are having sex..literally i was floored but then he denied until he confessed..next day I called and texted the bitch telling her who I was and sent emails to her and his co worker friends..
Still trying to R


Me (50)BW
Him (46) FWH
DD 17 and seriously hurt by this all..
Married for 18 years..together 20yrs
EA 2009- 23 yr old that has a childhood crush on my husband. named her child after my husband...sick girl on & off +2years stopped when he started

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Texas
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Caught both times. Hired a PI second time and saw him on top of her. Very very difficult to recover from this. They were 3 months apart a caused me PTSD.
I can't believe it still.
I confessed but I don't think it matters regarding affairs.
It matters a lot though, when trying to recover. He never came to me. It MATTERS!!!
Have you ever seen the movie " the grey" with Liam neeson? I that movie he tells a guy he's going to die. I want THAT kind of honesty in my marriage. Not happening. Yet.


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5329 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
watersofavalon
♀ Member
Member # 37984
Default  Posted: 6:05 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found out. But he was dropping a lot of hints - he says know that he thinks he wanted to be found out and had kept having to stop himself telling me as we never used to have secrets. of course once he saw what he had done to me he regretted it but by that time the whole affair was a mass of regret and guilt.

After I found some texts he initially tried to explain them away, we had 24 hours of uneasy peace and then that night he got drunk and told me he didn't know he wanted to stay with me. Cue me crying, shaking, being sick with shock. Next day he came home from work, apologised, held me and knew it was a mistake. About 24 hours later I actually had the full confession - no holds barred. Horrible, I can still remember the dazed shock I felt. THEN the hard work started..... still going on 12 months later


Me - BW 49
H - 52
T 31 years
M 21 years

3 children from 11 to 17.

EA with coworker for 6m maybe longer. She was 25!!
Dday 26/6/2012.

Reconciling. Hard work isn't it?

Getting there!


Posts: 94 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: UK
DragnHeart
♀ Member
Member # 32122
Default  Posted: 6:16 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I discovered everything. In fact, he never "confessed" to anything. He just agreed with what evidence I had after I showed it to him.


Posts: 3206 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Canada
momwith2boys
♀ New Member
Member # 37459
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I discovered that he was cheating on me in October. I had a gut feeling something was not right and checked his phone.I found sexual messages on his Facebook from a woman. Turns out the woman created a Facebook to protect her identity. He admitted to the cheating but told me it was noone I knew. It was a fling with someone he met at bar. I didn't believe his story from the beginning. I had a feeling it was my friend but he denied it.
It wasn't until a FEbruary that he. admitted it was her. I thought I knew everyhthing and that it was over but was always suspicious there was more. It wasn't until June that I found a secret facebook page that he made with her way back in october and took the affair underground. He says it is over now but I have been lied so many times that I have a hard time believing it. He is a very good liar.


Me BW 35
husband 35
Married 10 years, together 13 years
OW-my so called "friend"
2 boys (7 & 3)
D-day 10/17/2012
D-day2-2/24/2013 told me it was her
D-day3-6/16/2013 found out affair never ended
Working on R

Posts: 35 | Registered: Nov 2012
travels
♀ Member
Member # 20334
Default  Posted: 7:17 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I confronted on all four of them. He did everything out of the wayward's "handbook" through each of them. Once he admitted to everything I accused him of, only to gaslight a week later.

No wonder I always thought I was going crazy.

I'm sure he would still deny everything if I met him today. Even the last one, who me married and has a couple kids.


When one door closes, another door opens. It's the journey through the hallway that sucks.

Posts: 3778 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: PA
heforgotme
♀ Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He didn't confess, I figured it out. And completely by accident since I wasn't even suspicious. He gaslighted for about 48 hours after I figured it out and then told me.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1083 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
FightingBack
♀ Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After years of believing him to be such a "dedicated, hard-working" man, the fact that he was never available by cell when he was working late, made me suspicious.

After his regular call to check in, and to say he only had about 3 hours' work to finish, I drove to his office to find it shut down and dark. The following week I checked the office out earlier in the evening, to see him leaving with MOW.

Still could not believe he was having an A, especially with this very grouchy, unattractive old employee.
In fact, I was almost relieved to see him leave with her as I would not have believed her to be an AP in a million years.

But they drove away so fast that I couldn't keep up. (Had I not lost them, they would have led me to their cheap Comfort Inn.

Confronted the next week, without any real proof and he spilled everything.

Had I not, I believe it would still be continuing because he is lazy and complacent in the affair just as he is in R.


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 785 | Registered: Feb 2012
pandoraslight
♀ New Member
Member # 32474
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Confessed. I had no clue... He couldn't deal with the guilt. Woke me up at 1am to tell me. I had a 2 week old at the time! That was 26 years ago.


DD 2-1987
"Oh, love isn't there to make us happy.I believe it exists to show us how much we can endure." Herman Hess

Posts: 35 | Registered: Jun 2011
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a strange feeling for quite a while that something was off. I made jokes about it but inside I knew there was something not quite right.

One day while out looking at a camper I was sitting in his truck waiting for him and bored started playing with his MP3 player. It was new so I was interested in how it worked. I was shocked to find pictures of him and another woman.

He initially tried to give me the "we are just friends" line, but I told him those pictures looked intimate and he had labelled them "concert" . He was supposed to have gone to a concert with a buddy from work.

Days of TT until I got the full truth. I don't think he would have told me if I hadn't found out.


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
minniemouse51
♀ New Member
Member # 39981
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Caught him. Was totally blindsided. Found a sex video of him and OW on his computer while he was at work. When I confronted him he said it only happened once. Then it was 3 times. I then found a text on his phone from OW that said [thanks for having your friend text me to tell me we are over. I guess I wasted a year.)He only confessed to what I found.

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013
circleoflife
♀ New Member
Member # 39702
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found out. He only ever "confessed" and I use the term loosely to what I have confronted him with. So I'm still there's more I don't know. Although I'm in I don't really care mode.


Me BW (36)
WH (39)
together 16 years
2 kids: 6 DD & 10 month DS
Dday:4/18/13
TT: 4/26/13
TT: 5/6/13
more TT: 6/13/13
more TT: 7/9/13

Posts: 40 | Registered: Jun 2013
madsadalone
♀ Member
Member # 39201
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^^^^^ Exactly^^^^

Bastard!


Me: BS 47
Him:WH 55
M: 27 yrs
DD 4/29/13
3 kids (25,23,22

Posts: 82 | Registered: May 2013
Deanna
♀ Member
Member # 26854
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We were all working together. She caused a fight between us. I heard him tell her to, "cut the shit" and that minute I knew he was cheating. An hour after she left I pulled up the cell phone bills and well the rest is what they call d-day.
He sang like a canary...


DDay - 11/4/09
BS-49 DDay
fWS-46 DDay
EA/PA with childhood sweetheart/ kissed
R - 11/25/09
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Posts: 1463 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Northeast
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I caught him on his third affair via lies/texts. After a year of false R he was fired for sexual harassment which he was forced to tell me, and then I forced a confession of three other AP's ten days later.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
confused71
♀ New Member
Member # 39530
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me, it's a mixed bag. I discovered the most recent affair, but only after a week of him lying, blaming me, and then TT. After more digging, I found out about the prostitutes, and then 2 weeks later after I threatened D he finally confessed to those. He also confessed to several sensual massages that I did not know about. I know there is more and am just waiting. Says he won't reveal any more until we go to MC together.


Me: BS 39
Him: WS 44
Married 10 years, cheated at least 7 of those years
Two young DS
Multiple DDays in May 2013, and still waiting for the next DD to strike
Prostitutes abroad and in our home, 2 long-term simultaneous affairs - 1 PA & 1 EA/PA

Posts: 17 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: The Desert
bittertobetter
♀ New Member
Member # 40039
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH left his cell phone at home by accident. I found it and scrolled through the text messages. Lot's of messages from his AP asking him to come over and him responding back quite lovingly ( I puked in my mouth when I wrote the last word).

Posts: 4 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: midwest
whattheh
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Out of the blue I received an email (see further below) from the OW with my FWH name in the subject line. She used a fake email name.

When I didn't answer she kept emailing and then texted me which frightened me as I didn't know who it was. We don't know how she ever got my cell.

You see I trusted my FWH so much I thought my email was hacked because she had mentioned my sister by name who had discussed someone investing in my sister's business not ours.

And my husband let me believe the email hacking story (even though I was extremely afraid). He only admitted it after a few days when my brother offered to have a law enforcement friend check out the email and cell phone used to text me.

Funny thing is there was never any investment planned for our business which is how I knew my husband was dealing with something bad.

That was just one of the many stories he told her to make him seem poor to try and get rid of her. And he said they never made love (just casual sex a couple of times in beginning). She also never worked with him in our business like she claims.

Her later email also said he was going to fund her education and let her stop working and that he was going to move in with her and her kids. I knew that my husband would never have offered that as he is very close to retirement and has no funds for anything like that esp. if we were divorced. It was very obvious to me that she was telling a pack of lies which made me more open to hearing my husband's side of the story.

Craigslist Whore email(changed to protect identities):
"I know this will be hard to take in, process and keep calm. I am clearing my conscience. FWH and I have been seeing each other for the past 2 years ,making plans for a future together, Though, due to changes in the investing in your business by your relative, Our relationship is changing also. It is ending. I am sure you can forgive him, and move past this, if you do love him. Let the business grow. Fight the urge to ask about the details that will be so hard to hear. ie: how, and where we made love. Was it just the house, the bed, any other property, city1 and city2, etc. Just swallow those down knowing, he is staying there, for the business. His dream. I do wish I was still able to be there, working with him, but it cant be.

I did take the high road and never contact this psycho bitch after my intial text to stop contacting me and stay away from my husband. But it was hard and I have a lot of anger and hatred towards her which I was unable to express.

I just wish my husband had had the courage to tell me himself when he wanted out in the beginning instead of thinking he could control and out manipulate a psycho bitch like her.

[This message edited by whattheh at 8:06 PM, July 25th (Thursday)]


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 575 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
MylarPineapples
♀ Member
Member # 39570
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Caught, all three times, via text messages on his cell phone. The first two times I discovered totally by accident when a message came through at an inopportune time for him. The third time I had a gut feeling and looked into his text history. His MO was to deny and minimize everything, until this last time. This last time I think he really thought I was done, and he confessed to a lot of things with the previous OW that I never would have found out, so I am hoping I finally know everything now. It's really, really hard to trust that though, knowing he went on hiding a lot of these things for years.


Me: BS, Him: WH, 3 kids
8/08: EA with former neighbor
1/13: EA/Sexting with Coworker #1
6/13: Sexting with Coworker #2

Posts: 116 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 60
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