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User Topic: Did WS confess initially or did you discover A?
♂ Member
Member # 36796
Default  Posted: 6:43 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a feeling then caught her emailing him while at a party. She was withdrawing for the month before D-Day so much that she didn't even go on the family vacation so she could offer him time to come over.

She also told my kids she wanted a D so when I confronted her, she said it was a joke (same thing she said when I found the emails) and couldn't look me in the face to answer me. SO BROKEN...

D-Day 1: Feb 1990
D-Day 2: 3 Sep 2012 (3 month EA/3 week PA)
BS 49, fWW 43 (Amibroken)
OP- Police Chief (Age 37)
M 25 Yrs, 3 Kids (17, 14, 11)
I initated the relationship at the Railway Tavern, she tried to end it at Scrap Tavern

Posts: 489 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Delmarva
♀ Member
Member # 19636
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I figured out about the ONS from his strange behavior.

I found out it was really an ongoing A when her BH called me.

I got lots more revelations in 2+ years of trickle-truth.

Got the door closed on all the discovery - finally - when H scheduled himself for a poly.

BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)

Posts: 3629 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mr. Trac-Fone's M.O. is to deny, even when confronted. When presented with concrete evidence, he sometimes cops to whatever is "alleged."

He confessed nothing. His secrets and lies are far, far too important to him.

[This message edited by solus sto at 7:14 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)]

BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8830 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
♀ Member
Member # 38765
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After several times of him denying I got in his phone and found it. He then came clean only to take it back a few weeks later and say it was a set up. The several other times he got caught w her in the middle of the night and daily chit chatting (dont know what about just how much) showed me the truth even more. 2 months since I think she's gone...

Posts: 279 | Registered: Mar 2013
♀ Member
Member # 25395
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I actually accused him of betraying me for no "reason," it was just a feeling I had. We were long distance at the time, and his behaviour was just really off.

Then he came home, and there was no question that something was wrong. I got the ILYBINILWY speech, and a bunch of crap about our horrible relationship. He was like a stranger.

I just kept asking him who the other woman was until he admitted the truth.

I will always, ALWAYS, trust my gut after that.

Me: BS/39
Him: WS/37
DDay: August 23, 2009
Together 14 years.

Posts: 1677 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: not toronto anymore
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First time he did, second time he had his head up his ass and I guess had convinced himself he wasn't doing anything wrong.

We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6805 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
♀ New Member
Member # 39928
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I suspected something was wrong and started checking phone and email. Yahoo conveniently sent a text alert regarding an email account I didn't recognize...I was able to log in and read 800+ emails from 2 OW over 18 months...

Posts: 1 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: texas
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine got arrested for stalking OW. He confessed, and swears that the confession was because of guilt. I think it was because I'm an attorney, and might have found out about it. To this day, he still says that he respects me because he confessed, and that he didn't have to confess.

30 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1205 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ Member
Member # 28555
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine intentionally left the evidence in his jeans pocket. I found it when I was doing his laundry. He confessed on the spot when I approached him with the trinket in my hand.

He couldn't stop the A himself, so, as usual, leaves the dirty work to me. He couldn't even go NC, so I told OW's BH 5 mos. later.

PA much?

"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".

Posts: 1187 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Texas
♀ Member
Member # 36456
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I busted OW 1 in 2006 from evidence on his laptop. (I thought we were beyond this and had actually forgotten about it until last year. I didn't count it as DDay 1 in my signature.)

I busted OW 4 in April 2012 from his behavior.

I busted OW 2 in April 2013, after he moved back home, based on old google chats I found on his laptop. When confronted, he confirmed it was a ONS in 2008 and then confessed to a ONS with OW 3 in 2009.

Finally, I busted the supposed ONS with #3 on July 4th. It was actually a 2yr one-sided (him) EA that culminated in a 4day PA during a business trip to her town. I found an old love letter he wrote to her - once again on his computer.

The moral of my story - my tech savvy husband is not smart enough to delete the evidence if his transgressions...and I was apparently living in a different marriage than he was.

[This message edited by TXBW68 at 9:10 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)]

Me (46) WH (42),2 boys 15 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now

Posts: 792 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Dallas, TX
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wh had been acting off for several months. I thought he was just overwhelmed with life. We went to a local pub. Wh got shit faced drunk and was trying to hook up with one of our male friends 25 yr old girlfriend. It was humiliating. I left on foot. Found his car parked oddly with him in passed out in it 30min later. Moved him to back seat and then looked through his cell to see if he read any of my texts....bam texts from mow. Bam pics of them together making out...bam pics of her naked. So ya i had to find out...i had asked a few weeks before if there was someone else. He said no. Lying coward.

Together 21yrs married 18yrs
2 kids, now 19 & 16
Bw: now 38
Wh: now 37
Mow: now 50
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1079 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I discovered it, my gut was bugging me for a while and then some things he said and did just made it click in my mind and I knew. Took me all of 5 minutes to find the evidence on his computer. I too wonder every single day how this would have panned out if I didn't find out. It would certainly still be going on full force, and knowing that the ONLY reason he is not effing her right now is because I found out makes me

Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ Member
Member # 32584
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH confessed to the LTA under duress. OW FB messaged me to call her when I was alone. WH saw this over my shoulder, told me to close my laptop, and sent DD1 upstairs.

OW1 told me he cheated when we were dating. After pressing that, he admitted to it. A few ONSs. And some sexting with another woman about the same time he started up with OW1 in 2007.

Denied (oh, did he deny and deny) there was anything else, but two months later when I pressed for his password to his phone bills, he offered to print off every page and highlight OW1's calls.

I insisted on the password, and that's when he confessed to the two howorkers.

Think there's more? Me too.

[This message edited by tryingmybest2011 at 9:22 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)]

BS: me - 37
WH: him - 37
DD: 8
DD: 11 mos

Married over 9 years, together for 18.

DD#1: 12/12/10 - LTA of 3 years, 2 mos.
DD#2: 02/02/11 - 2 EA/PA with coworkers, a month after the LTA was ended (by OW).

In limbo.

Posts: 323 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Ontario Canada
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He didn't confess and I didn't discover. OW outed him on DDay#1 with a phone call to me. She was pissed he had lied to her and had flown to see me (I was working out of state). I was totally blindsided to learn of the LTA. He only confessed to whatever she told me and nothing more. Swore it was over and he had been trying to get rid of her for awhile, but she was threathening him that she would tell me, but also admitted he wouldn't have stopped if he hadn't gotten caught and thought I would never find out. Then almost a year later she outed him again that they were still seeing each other. He denied it for days until I finally showed him the evidence I had. As far as I know it has now ended, but I trust him about as far as I can throw him.

M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
♀ Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got a phone call from OW's father telling me. Confronted WXH and he made up a story I believed. Two months later, another phone call, from someone anonymous. Again confronted and WXH acted all distressed that someone could be trying to sabotage our marriage. I believed him.

But my gut could never truly rest. One night, he was acting weird and quiet and I asked what was wrong and he kept saying nothing. Then he said, "I can't..." And I knew. I said, "You are having an affair, aren't you?" And that was that.

He's the incredible silent man in that he never actually says anything. I had to ask about the affair, I had to finally ask if he was never coming home (after he moved out and started taking his personal documents). I don't think he was ever going to tell me anything ever.

3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know."
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2524 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
♀ Member
Member # 38375
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The first d-day I caught them. It was sort of d-week. Every single day I caught one more thing and they scurried like rats. On the final day I caught them IM'ing by breaking into WH's secret email account, I saw enough to know. The next day, after running off with OW for the night, WH told the whole story. Then after a week of NC, they started back up again and so began the torture of false R. This went on for about two months before WH confessed - d-day 2. He claims that when I caught them, the betrayal had just turned physical, and he was deep under the illusion that she was the magic unicorn princess, but after about a month of part 2, the illusion was pretty much shattered and he spent the final month trying to break it off without her revealing everything to me. He finally realized the only way to get out of it and not have to worry about her telling me, was to tell me himself.

D-day #1 - 1/23/13
false R, then...
D-day #2 - 3/26/13
I will come for the benefit of the sick, remaining free of all intentional injustice, of all mischief and in particular of sexual relations with both female and male persons. - Hippocratic Oath

Posts: 342 | Registered: Feb 2013
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MH here, two stories.

I found out when the OBS of my WW's AP turned up on my doorstep. Even with that kind of evidence, it took 24 hours of confrontation for WW to admit to it. After that, she never confessed a single detail, except to confirm that which I had discovered or figured out independently.

At her constant prodding, I eventually had an RA ONS of my own, confessed the very next day.

That just gave her permission to clam up even tighter, "I don't want to know what you did, so you can't ask me any more about what I did."

In spite of it all, we managed to R and are more or less happily married 35 years later. Too bad about my wicked case of PTSD.

Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
♀ Member
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW outted him at company picnic. She tried to kiss him 3 times, with me standing next to him. She was new employee, and had never met me. Our marriage was in huge disconnect due to extensive travel for his work. And the partying that occured out of state. He denied then, denies now. Will take it to his grave. I was having gut feelings for awhile. All phones, expense accounts, records are company owned. Hotels are company arranged. He travels alone, to projects. So nobody can answer questions.

a trigger yesterday

Posts: 937 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
♀ Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I suspected something because he was claiming going to the gym for several hours every night. But his gym clothes were never sweaty and actually... he kept getting fatter.

Checked the gym log-in app and it showed he had been there 3 times in over 3 mos. Confronted him... he denied and gaslighted me.

A few months later when he was out of town on business, I found a very romantic, I love you, we're a perfect couple Valentine from her to him.

Confronted him with it when he returned home. This time, no denial, no remorse, no apology, just coldness and a demand for a divorce.

God... I still hate him for that night.

Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin

Posts: 912 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
♂ New Member
Member # 40001
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Caught. She elft ehr cell phone downstairs after she went to bed. It kept making noises as numerous texts were coming in. I went to just turn it off to keep the damn thing quiet and there they were. Dirty, nasty texts about he wanted to do to her that night if they were togetehr. I read the thread and was horrified.

Posts: 38 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Colorado
Topic Posts: 60
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