She also told my kids she wanted a D so when I confronted her, she said it was a joke (same thing she said when I found the emails) and couldn't look me in the face to answer me. SO BROKEN...
I found out it was really an ongoing A when her BH called me.
I got lots more revelations in 2+ years of trickle-truth.
Got the door closed on all the discovery - finally - when H scheduled himself for a poly.
edited for typos (I always have to!)
He confessed nothing. His secrets and lies are far, far too important to him.
[This message edited by solus sto at 7:14 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)]
Then he came home, and there was no question that something was wrong. I got the ILYBINILWY speech, and a bunch of crap about our horrible relationship. He was like a stranger.
I just kept asking him who the other woman was until he admitted the truth.
I will always, ALWAYS, trust my gut after that.
He couldn't stop the A himself, so, as usual, leaves the dirty work to me. He couldn't even go NC, so I told OW's BH 5 mos. later.
I busted OW 4 in April 2012 from his behavior.
I busted OW 2 in April 2013, after he moved back home, based on old google chats I found on his laptop. When confronted, he confirmed it was a ONS in 2008 and then confessed to a ONS with OW 3 in 2009.
Finally, I busted the supposed ONS with #3 on July 4th. It was actually a 2yr one-sided (him) EA that culminated in a 4day PA during a business trip to her town. I found an old love letter he wrote to her - once again on his computer.
The moral of my story - my tech savvy husband is not smart enough to delete the evidence if his transgressions...and I was apparently living in a different marriage than he was.
[This message edited by TXBW68 at 9:10 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)]
OW1 told me he cheated when we were dating. After pressing that, he admitted to it. A few ONSs. And some sexting with another woman about the same time he started up with OW1 in 2007.
Denied (oh, did he deny and deny) there was anything else, but two months later when I pressed for his password to his phone bills, he offered to print off every page and highlight OW1's calls.
I insisted on the password, and that's when he confessed to the two howorkers.
Think there's more? Me too.
[This message edited by tryingmybest2011 at 9:22 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)]
Married over 9 years, together for 18.
DD#1: 12/12/10 - LTA of 3 years, 2 mos.
DD#2: 02/02/11 - 2 EA/PA with coworkers, a month after the LTA was ended (by OW).
But my gut could never truly rest. One night, he was acting weird and quiet and I asked what was wrong and he kept saying nothing. Then he said, "I can't..." And I knew. I said, "You are having an affair, aren't you?" And that was that.
He's the incredible silent man in that he never actually says anything. I had to ask about the affair, I had to finally ask if he was never coming home (after he moved out and started taking his personal documents). I don't think he was ever going to tell me anything ever.
I found out when the OBS of my WW's AP turned up on my doorstep. Even with that kind of evidence, it took 24 hours of confrontation for WW to admit to it. After that, she never confessed a single detail, except to confirm that which I had discovered or figured out independently.
At her constant prodding, I eventually had an RA ONS of my own, confessed the very next day.
That just gave her permission to clam up even tighter, "I don't want to know what you did, so you can't ask me any more about what I did."
In spite of it all, we managed to R and are more or less happily married 35 years later. Too bad about my wicked case of PTSD.
Checked the gym log-in app and it showed he had been there 3 times in over 3 mos. Confronted him... he denied and gaslighted me.
A few months later when he was out of town on business, I found a very romantic, I love you, we're a perfect couple Valentine from her to him.
Confronted him with it when he returned home. This time, no denial, no remorse, no apology, just coldness and a demand for a divorce.
God... I still hate him for that night.
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin