as far as ending the affair and repairing your relationship, both people (BS+WS) are either IN or OUT. If one even just has one foot out of the R box for awhile, it affects the process.
There is a book (a quick read) called "How to Help Your Partner Heal from your Affair" (Linda Macdonald). It talks about the importance of No Contact. My SAWH had an affair with someone he knew through work, with whom he had a weekly meeting and they went out afterwards. When the shit finally hit the fan, and he was still seeing her after I confronted him, he finally saw the light after reading the book. NC and adhering to it is truly the first step in showing the BS you regret your actions.
I think he's asking you these email questions because he is ashamed/feels guilty and at the same time, he is manipulating the situation. How is that fair to you?
Stand up for yourself. Put yourself as a priority. You will get through these difficult few months. Believe me...you will (I am 4 months out and feel SO much better now that the relationship is exposed and we are trying to work on things). I have a long road ahead but I feel I have a lot of control over my life...whereas 4-5 months ago, everything in it was spinning out of control.
Good luck. Hang in there.