Here's my story.
Started dating my highschool sweetheart in grade 11 at age17 or 18.
I had that feeling she was the 1 early on. I was a virgin she was not and just out
of a bad relationship. we were sexually active early on and she took my virginity
within a couple of months. After about 2 years dating through highschool she graduated before
me and went to college, we both wanted to continue a relationship even though she was about
3 driving hours away. After a few months of college , I started having a hard time to reach
her and her college roomates were having to scramble to find her in their dorm building.
I questioned her, but she mentioned she was with her best friend in another apt doing homework.
I continued to question her even weeks later since I felt something wasn't right !.
She ended up confessing she had a crush on a guy. I asked if it was anything else and she said NO.
During this time I saw her at least every second weekend and talked almost every night.
Fast foward - about 6 years later I asked her to marry me and we did get married. We have now been
married almost 12 years and I have been head over heels for her most of all OUR YEARS. Although I have
asked her many times about that "crush" since. There was another guy who "stalked" her for a while which
she tried to hide a few years before marriage. We now have 2 kids .. 4 and 7.. Recently I was bugging her about her
college crush and she noted they only fooled around. She had never previously mentioned that, I didn't even think
they had kissed.. after interagation she admitted to giving him BJ and then stopping him after he reached for a condom,
saying she didn't want him inside her. I pondered over this for a week or 2 and realized that situation is
very unusual as most cannot stop after going this far. I stated we should go for a polygraph test and
she immediatly got defensive, about an hour later she admitted having intercourse. Gave me all the details
I wanted and that it only happened 1 time. She met this guy at college he was nice to her , they would meet
at dorm parties he would sweet talk her, first was a kiss then dancing and finally they went all the way.
She is stating this developed over a month or 2 and she stopped it after visiting me the weekend after it happened.
I have always told her that she is way outta my league.. She is truly gorgeous.. The situation in the last month or 2 is this.
I have just been through a dark depression and am starting to feel better and our relationship has really GOTTEN strong.
I realized after starting to feel better she has been reglected for a while and have been showing her..
That was before she dropped the bomb though. She has mentioned she thinks I need help with this and we should go to MC.
I don't think I have any interested in that.. I don't want to hear what her thoughts are to the MC..
She is telling me now , that its 16 years AGO and we have a great marriage and not to throw it away. I feel she
does not want me to go and that she loves me and wants this to work.
My issues are this.
#1 - I'm not sure if I beleive all she is saying , since she lied for so long. And maybe blind with love.
#2 - I feel I LOVED her and maybe she didn't feel the same way about me
#3 - I had my chances to cheat like most, and told women interested in me that I'm IN LOVE..
#4 - I am very hurt and cannot get the thoughts of this unknown man laying on my FLOWER outta my head
#5 - I blame myself for not visiting enough , not seeing the signs and not showing her I love her enough
#6 - I don't understand and she cannot explain WHY.
#7 - She claims she tried to tell me and could not to protect me.
#9 - How will I know the truth ?
#10- I LOVE HER still more than ever..
#11- I always wished I knew the truth , but now am not so sure since it HURTS SO MUCH..
when I have free time on my hands , I go over this romance , I weep and begin shaking..
For the first couple days , I could not even look at her, I am afraid I won't be able to be intimate with
her ever again. Our sex life has always been good.
WHY DO I LOVE HER MORE THAN EVER ? I WANT TO HATE HER.
Where do I go from here ?