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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: My daughter turns 1 in a couple weeks.... but I'm sad.
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Sad  Posted: 12:48 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay....just having a moment. My daughter's 1 year old birthday is in 2 Saturdays....and I'm super excited. And, then I think about how neither of her blood grandmother's are in her life...( my mom included), she only has one grandfather active in her life (my dad), and her sperm donor hasn't seen her since I FORCED him to go to social services to sign the papers in early May for his whopping $65 a month child support that his mother (the other grandmother who has nothing to do with her) is paying for.

And, then I get sad. I wish that it didn't bother me. But, I was so lucky to have 2 sets of grandparents....and both of my parents growing up. Sometimes I feel like I failed her in that respect.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 12:49 PM, July 22nd (Monday)]


"Life's curve balls come out of nowhere.... just remember to duck and weave!"

ME - BW - 34
HIM - XWH - 38
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2449 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
lostmommy
♀ Member
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((hugs))) But she has you.


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess every parent wants so much more for their own children and I never saw myself getting pregnant and raising a child as a single mom. I don't know any other way.... but it sure would have been nice to see how the traditional way feels... have a loving supportive partner and helpful grandparents who are itching to watch her for me. My mom won't even volunteer to watch her for an hour...


"Life's curve balls come out of nowhere.... just remember to duck and weave!"

ME - BW - 34
HIM - XWH - 38
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2449 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
lostmommy
♀ Member
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have my moments too, don't get me wrong. When I took J to Disneyworld and he was experiencing and enjoying all of these exciting things I cried - and somewhat angrily yelled in my head at the asshole who should have been there with me, watching our child with these first moments. But honestly, he's missed every single one of J's firsts. Every single one. Anyway...

Do you have friends that are close with your daughter? Sometimes, in all honesty, friends are better than family.

Unfortunately we're in the non-traditional club. It sucks, but we have to make the best of it. ((((hugs again)))


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But honestly, he's missed every single one of J's firsts. Every single one. Anyway...
Do you have friends that are close with your daughter? Sometimes, in all honesty, friends are better than family.

Unfortunately we're in the non-traditional club. It sucks, but we have to make the best of it. ((((hugs again)))

Yeah... Piper has an adopted nana and an adopted maw maw... and my sister watches her while I work....(we joke that she is the baby's daddy! haha). I have friends that love her and spend time with her and she doesn't know any different. This is all she has known her whole life. I just wish sometimes she had an active loving male rolemodel in her life... besides my dad. H


"Life's curve balls come out of nowhere.... just remember to duck and weave!"

ME - BW - 34
HIM - XWH - 38
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2449 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But, one thing that brings me comfort is knowing that I'm not the only woman that is going through this. Knowing I'm not alone, no matter how much I feel that way sometimes.


"Life's curve balls come out of nowhere.... just remember to duck and weave!"

ME - BW - 34
HIM - XWH - 38
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2449 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know....I find it very sad sometimes that my children have living grandparents that do not 'grandparent'.

I can count on one hand the times my father has seen my kiddos (and they are 16 & 11). One time my dad stopped in for a 'surprise' visit. My DS was around 6 yo and would not let him in due to 'stranger danger'. He had no clue who my father was.

Sighhhhhhh

You are not alone. It is VERY sad sometimes but I know it is a choice they are making.

When the blood ones are not cutting it, it is better to have hands-on caring adopted grandparents/aunts/uncles sometimes because they are there by choice.

You have come alllong way this year. Chin up and dry those tears....everything will be ok.


When someone shows you their true colors, don't try to repaint them.

Posts: 1875 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
AgainandAgain
♀ Member
Member # 34835
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I am partially in your shoes. I have an enormous family but due to reasons out of my control, they do not speak to me or our children. Our children only see their grandparents on my fwh side of the family. My mother in law is a very kind soul that I adore. I consider her more of a mother than my own mother ever was for me. My siblings are best friends and their children are best friends and my mother loves them unconditionally. My family has never seen my dd and they haven't seen my ds in 3 years.

So, I understand and it was very hard when our dd turned 1. We had a birthday party for her and out of the possible 50+ family members for her, she only had 5. I was broken hearted but it's just how life is. I'm still trying to be happy with what I have but it's very hard during special moments that are designed to be wonderful memories.

Hugs to you and Piper!


Posts: 207 | Registered: Feb 2012
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you.

I'm so lucky to have my mom. She's very close to us and is a great influence on my kids. I honestly don't know how I would have survived this without her.

That said, she's pretty much it for family. My only brother lives eight hours away. My father passed, and ex douche's family isn't in town. The relatives he does have don't really pay attention to the kids, even from afar.

I have a core set of awesome friends, but I still feel sad and alone sometimes. It wasn't supposed to be like this. And it makes me worry that if something happens to me before they are grown, I'm leaving them with even less family and stability. It can be overwhelming but I suppose the best is to focus on the now and the blessings we have.

And you are NOT alone. We are here with you.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2508 | Registered: Jan 2011
foreverempty
♂ Member
Member # 34426
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((Shelly))))))


Me BS: 35
Her WW: 34
D Day 5th December 2011
Current status: Filled for divorce 23rd Jan 2012. Response from WW was not to beg for forgiveness, but deleting me from Facebook.

Posts: 605 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: United Kingdom
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are not alone. It is VERY sad sometimes but I know it is a choice they are making.

When the blood ones are not cutting it, it is better to have hands-on caring adopted grandparents/aunts/uncles sometimes because they are there by choice.

You have come alllong way this year. Chin up and dry those tears....everything will be ok.

Thank you everyone. Its nice to hear similar stories...(well.....not nice...but in a relatable way I guess). It truly is their choice. When I was at Social Services with my sister...and she tried to hand the baby to "sperm donor's mother" or Piper's other blood grandmother who hadn't seen her since she was 3 months old (she was almost 10 months old at this point) she just glared at my sister and snarled "NO!" and wouldn't even look at my daughter....it broke my heart. How can anyone be so cruel to such a sweet innocent baby?

So, I understand and it was very hard when our dd turned 1. We had a birthday party for her and out of the possible 50+ family members for her, she only had 5. I was broken hearted but it's just how life is. I'm still trying to be happy with what I have but it's very hard during special moments that are designed

It is hard. She doesn't know the difference but I do. So, I think its harder for me. I'm still partly angry at my XWH for taking away my dream of the marriage with children.... that picture perfect dream that I thought I had once. I know it was all a lie... but I still dream of possibly having that someday. I haven't given up on finding a good match and having someone wonderful to share my life and Piper's life with.

And you are NOT alone. We are here with you

This made me break down in tears again.....but in a very grateful way. Thank you everyone. I can feel the virtual hugs right now!

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 7:22 PM, July 22nd (Monday)]


"Life's curve balls come out of nowhere.... just remember to duck and weave!"

ME - BW - 34
HIM - XWH - 38
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2449 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't dwell on this, Shelly. Whatever your and her life are now, make it the norm. My motto with my DS has always been "Never let him see you sweat" meaning never apologize for what he didn't have; make his life as normal and happy as it could be with what we had available to us.

It works.


I promise to surround myself with amazing souls and love them fiercely.

Posts: 19187 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well.....and I have done so much more in the last couple of years than I ever dreamed possible! I mean...when I got pregnant with my daughter.... I was still laid off from my last job and unemployed and without benefits! I was living with my dad at the age of 32 because I had gotten divorced that past year and then laid off shortly thereafter! My life was in shambles!!! God answered my prayers and I got a job offer 2 days later at my current job..and full benefits a month and a half later! I got us our own place when I was 6 months pregnant and fully furnished her nursery and stocked up on diapers and everything I needed for her by myself without HIS help! She never wants for anything! I might not have everything that I would like to have...and I'm up to my ears in debt....for sure! But, we are making it. Without him. Without those who have "chosen" to stay out of our life. We are making it! And, we are happy!

We have each other. And, that's all that matters!

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 8:38 PM, July 22nd (Monday)]


"Life's curve balls come out of nowhere.... just remember to duck and weave!"

ME - BW - 34
HIM - XWH - 38
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2449 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
AgainandAgain
♀ Member
Member # 34835
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She11y-you are an AMAZING mother. You should be so proud of all you do for Piper. You are doing it and doing a kick ass job at that. Don't ever doubt anything you do because in the end you sacrifice all you do for you and your daughter. I know you wish family was more involved but you are doing great job on your own.

You aren't alone in all this. So many others can completely understand where you are coming from and what you are going through.

You are NOT a failure. You are not even close. You can't force others to be awesome like you. That's their loss. I would have killed for a mother who even did 1/3 of what you do for your daughter.

Now you go and give Piper the best 1st birthday ever and be sure to let us know how it goes!


Posts: 207 | Registered: Feb 2012
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now you go and give Piper the best 1st birthday ever and be sure to let us know how it goes!

I will! I can't wait! Its gonna be an ice cream theme and we are gonna have an ice cream social at a park with lots of friends and other kids! I can't wait! And, I'm getting her 1 year pics done this weekend!


"Life's curve balls come out of nowhere.... just remember to duck and weave!"

ME - BW - 34
HIM - XWH - 38
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2449 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Topic Posts: 15

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