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Newest Member: emptylostsoul (44611)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I'm a sucker
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pass,

Only answering her once, is progress. Look how many times you used to answer her calls.

Not many of us can go cold turkey with NC. The next time she contacts you is an opportunity to start NC all over again and break your previous record.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4996 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you think she senses you pulling away, Pass?

I could be wrong, but I wonder if she feels distance and is trying to reel you back in again?

I'm glad you are aware of her shenanigans.

For a time, nearly ExH came with tears and actually showed emotion, but I think it was play acting and when he was trying to fix things up with OW.

It's terribly hard to become immune, I wish there was a shot for it!

Like Kajem says, every contact she makes is a new chance, though very hard, indeed. I actually have withdrawal symptoms even though I am fully aware of the pain...either way there is pain and I have to choose the "better" one.

She sounds like a great actress.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2187 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, and the apple didn't fall far from the tree. She and the boys are over at her parents for supper right now. I just got a text from 13:

I just told Poppa that Jesus didn't exist, and his response was, "FUCK OFF, 13! YOU KNOW FUCK ALL ABOUT RELIGION!"

Poppa really needs to think about WWJD (What Would Jesus Do?) in this situation. I'm sure Jesus would scream at the teen as well.

Of course, I want to call and tell Poppa and The Princess to stop bullying my kid. 13 would probably get in shit for sending me that text, but I'm wondering if this is really a time for me to practice my crickets, or if I need to deal with this situation.

Poppa has always had a foul mouth, and 13 has had him figured out for years. I remember at age four 13 told me, "Poppa doesn't know as much as he thinks he does."

13 made some jokes with me after the first text, so I know this isn't all that surprising or upsetting for him, but it just ain't right.

Should I call The Princess to discuss?

However, I don't think it will make a bit of difference either way.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1804 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NO! DO NOT CONTACT THE PRINCESS OR POPPA!!!!!!!!!!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9476 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
LadyQ
♀ Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I say don't call. Talk with your child when he/she comes home about what is or isn't appropriate to say in that situation. You could even text the child and let them know that you are sorry he/she is in an uncomfortable position, but you'll deal with it as a team on Sunday. Support your child emotionally, but step away from her and her crazy. And her family's crazy too apparently.


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When 13 gets home you most certainly should have conversations with him about the appropriate way to handle differences of religious opinion.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9476 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's good advice, thanks.

They've always thought Poppa was a curmudgeon, and have just let him away with shit like this forever. If I say anything, they'll all just think I'm crazy!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1804 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

pass, I'm sorry that the princess and poppa are such fucks. I wouldn't talk to either of them...where will it really get you?
But talking to 13 and continuing to help him with coping mechanisms...being his safe and stable place to fall is what he needs.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4608 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're right, tesla. Neither Poppa, nor The Princess like being challenged. It causes the attractive rage like this. And worse yet, 13 would probably catch shit for telling me.

Assholes!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1804 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is so fucking disgusting. I'm livid for you! He is 13 FFS - what a fucking bully!

Crickets friend. Reasoning hasn't helped thus far - it won't help now.

Help your son - those other two fuckturds are not worthy of your energy.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5527 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
FieldsOfLavender
♀ Member
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It won't happen again. I promise. Next time she starts to weep and fall toward me, I'll step aside and let her hit the carpet.

yes, it made me giggle, too.


Posts: 190 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Argh! God, I can't stand this woman. She keeps trying to pull me in. Every day - every friggin day of this weekend - she has sent me a text about the boys. Last night I was on my way to play at my weekly open stage (which she knows happens at the same time every week!), when I got the following text.

Tomorrow when I drop off the boys, we need to talk about 10. Nothing serious, we'll discuss it then.

In the five months since I moved out, this is only the second time I've been alone for a weekend, and she contacted me EVERY DAY with shit like this! I gave her crickets this time, but it didn't stop me from stressing about it.

She drops the boys off in four hours. Should I address this with her?

ETA: She did the same thing when I went to my open stage last week. It's like she's TRYING to ruin any possible fun I could have.

[This message edited by pass at 6:27 AM, July 30th (Tuesday)]


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1804 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:32 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope. Cut off her supply. Kids/finances only is one thing but she is using them as weapons. Time to go to sms/email only and you only respond to things that need responding to.

If she tries to discuss 10 you ask her to put it in writing - all comms in writing from now on. You don't have to defend or justify it. When she goes off:

"I hear what you are saying but I disagree. I am insisting on all communication via text or email except in case of medical emergency".

If she says "you don't answer me" - you just keep repeating "all communication via text or email - I have made this clear. It is not up for discussion".

Repeat until she leaves.

No mention of the harassment at the weekend. Nothing. End of story. Goodbye. Please leave.

DO NOT LET HER GOAD YOU.

Purge it all here when she is gone. Think about what you are going to post. Do not say anything further to her no matter what she says.

Make sure you have VAR or your phone recording in case she tries to pull anything. I have several recordings of discussions with the sad clown - in the early days I listened to them to remind myself of the fuckery I was avoiding by maintaining NC.

IMO its time. High time.

ETA next time you have free time you have a friend vet the texts - they can delete anything that is not a medical emergency.

Close the bakery friend - there's an emotional bakery as well as a physical one. Burn that fucker down.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 6:47 AM, July 30th (Tuesday)]


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5527 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I'm an idiot. During drop-off today, I decided to go out in the hall and tell her how it ruins my time alone when she sends me texts complaining about the boys. I think I got my point across pretty well.

Told her that I only want to hear complaints about the boys for sickness or injury. No more "They're lucky to be alive!" texts.

Her reaction: Her face started to show rage, then it switched to sadness, then she started weeping. "I didn't know I was so annoying!"

Weep, weep, weep some more.

She was obviously trying to figure out the best way to make me feel bad. Didn't work. I should have just sent her a text like y'all told me to. I'm a slow student.

We'll see how this works.

ETA: I always think that all these things can be solved just by talking sensibly. That's rarely the case with her.

[This message edited by pass at 10:15 PM, July 30th (Tuesday)]


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1804 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!

There is no reasoning with crazy. You know this. You'll drive yourself crazy trying.

Watch the drama increase now that she knows she can get a rise out of you this way. Oh man.

If its any consolation I had to learn the hard way too. It felt wrong to not advocate for my girls and stand up for myself until I realised my energy was completely wasted in his direction and I didn't have to convince him to agree to my boundaries anymore - I just had to live them.

Please.stop.petting.the.Drama.Llama!!!


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5527 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can't seem to leave that fucking llama alone!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1804 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Topic Posts: 36
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