I think having said to me to post the question he may then have thought better of it because he did say the problem with sites like this is you don't know him or how he feels.
While i will give him that the devil is in the details, but I am willing to put money down on a few things he feels right now.
He feels like he's 'done enough' to have your trust back. He feels like he's being treated like a teenager having to check in with 'mom' all the time. He feels isolated from people that he was friends with because he's 'given them up' for you. He probably feels a bit less manly, ect.
I am pretty sure, he would feel a lot like I did. "why can't we work though this and me still get to be me and do all of my me things still?"....
The problem with that is that the way that I was, contributed to how I became a WS.
He IS being punished, this is a consequence, but until he actually sees it as an opportunity to become a better partner, a better father, a better man all around - rather then to 'just get over it' then he's only going through the motions.
He did say to me that I seem to have a blue print in my head of how he is supposed to act according to what I read here and if he doesn't measure up then I feel he is failing.
I am willing to bet you haven't had to do this before right? deal with a cheating spouse? I would congradulate you, but this is not where we want to be - this site, this place in our lives.
We as humans are not born with all world information. We have to learn it. So yes, you did get a majority of your blueprint from here....but so what? Every book you read, every article, every class you take, ever IC appointment, ever MC session - it will mold your being, give you ideas, answers and ways to work through things you didnt know how to work through before.
You are a grown woman, you would know if what you learned didnt work for you and you would change that.
I understand how he might think this - but it's not true - I don't expect perfection - I do expect understanding, respect and truth.
Just curious, but have you ever explained these to him? His understanding, respect and truth, seem to not be on the same page as yours. They may seem like universally known things, but to each person they mean different things.
To this day, my idea of proper bounderies differs from DH's, and we struggle there sometimes. He just expects me to know what he wants - but I can't do that - i dont read minds.
he just cannot deal with the anger and the crudity of description that sometimes comes with that anger and he doesn't understand how being crude can possibly help me.
There is a bit of truth in this, but its not his place to put a timeline on your need for it.
It takes so much energy to hang on to ugly and hate and pain. And it takes even more to let it go.
Letting it go and moving on makes it feel like the WS won. Letting it the cruel go means that everything that was done was just forgiven and that it somehow is a dishonor to your heart to let the ugly, pain, hate - go.
It is a process - and it takes time, and only you can be the one to say 'when'. If he can't handle that, then he's not really in this for life, he's only in it for you to 'get over it'
Your WS may be physically doing everything he think he should, but he doesnt sound like he's taking all this to heart and doing it for the right reasons. I think he need IC desperatly and needs to open himself to the pain that he's caused, truely open himself up.