Girl, did you drink some Kool-Aid?
Remember the Aesop's Fable about the frog & the scorpion? Your STBX is the scorpion. It's your choice to be the frog or not.
Please don't be the frog. You know what STBX is. Stay away.
[This message edited by Coraline at 4:01 AM, July 20th (Saturday)]
How is that for a simple answer
If he wants to make an offer because he knows court is not going to go well for him, let him. Then the lawyers can deal with it and you are just over-seeing.
You do not initiate mediation. Do not give yourself the headache.
Note: I said HE puts forth a reasonable offer... because anything you put forth he will see as an opening for conversation/negotiation.
Stand your ground in silence Coraline. Get what is fair, reasonable, and satisfactory for the kids. If you have to go to court to get that - you go to court.
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler
(He reads here, no? )
The thing is, he's painted himself into a corner making a big deal over one thing, pretending he cares a lot about it and it's bad for the kids, and now he doesn't know how to drop the issue without losing face. The truth is that he doesn't *actually* care, as he offered me exactly what I wanted on multiple occasions; it was just that the financial concessions he wanted me to make were insane, and I'm not a dumbass. I'm not giving up on what I want unless I get something HUGE that would allow me to make alternative arrangements. He won't give it, so forget about it. I'll take my chances in court. Maybe I'll still lose on the issue, but I'm not just *giving* it away. In my head, I was thinking maybe if he could get away from his lawyer and into mediation, he'd be willing to deal on that issue, because he could just make up some excuse later. But probably not. It would just be more of trying to get me to give away everything over one thing, and it's not worth risking mine and the kids' financial safety over it.
The time for me being afraid of trial has long passed. I may be re-paying my dad for this divorce until I'm 80, but he told me yesterday, "No more Misses Nice Lady. You fight for what you think is best for your kids." If he wants to deal, he can find a way to do it. He's not stupid. There are a million reasons he could come up with that it was suddenly okay with him. I'm actually shocked I caved the other day, but it was because I thought I was getting something huge that would fix it for the kids. Then he said no to that (after the lawyers spent 2 hours going back and forth and we were finally in front of the judge with what we thought was a deal!) and I went home and called my dad, who said ENOUGH.
I love my dad.
It's not about punishing him, it's about doing what's best for you. If that's court, go to court. If it's accepting his settlement offer, accept that. But certainly don't bend over backward to do his work for him.
You're doing great Coraline. You are so much better off without the loser dragging you do.
[This message edited by Coraline at 3:37 PM, July 20th (Saturday)]
If he approaches you about it tell him to have his attorney contact your attorney. Don't settle for anything less than what you need or what you know you can get from a judge.
If he really wants to avoid court he will come to you with an offer.
It is what it is.