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User Topic: a great counselor
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a really good counselor that I've been meeting with for a few years. I wish that I had found her years ago when my ex-h left because others ones I had just weren't the right "fit" for me. Plus, my insurance didn't cover anything long term.

Anyway, she's worked with me on several things and now I'm struggling with something that I wonder if anyone else here as struggled with: feeling attached. I feel this "attachment" to her - meaning I feel like what would I do without our sessions. I've talked to her about a goal of ending therapy and she said we can continue to talk about that. But my fear is that I won't want to stop even if I feel I'm ready.

I don't think I'm ready to stop just yet, but its also confusing to have these feelings of attachment.

I've read some information online about it and I'm reading its pretty common.

Not to mention the fact that my emotions are all over the place since I quit smoking.

If anyone has any thoughts to share on this that would be great.

Thanks.


Me: 41
Two boys: 17 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25509 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
gahurts
♂ Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Would it be unethical for you to meet socially as friends once you complete your therapy? Go get a drink once in a while or touch base here and there? This way you keep in contact with the person and maybe become friends but you end the counseling first.

IDK -just thinking out loud


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3406 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's pretty professional and my guess would be no. I'd actually be too embarrassed to ask.


Me: 41
Two boys: 17 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25509 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
metamorphisis
♀ Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know click.. I think when you're ready to stop you won't feel so attached or anxious about it



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 44456 | Registered: Sep 2006
peacelovetea
♀ Member
Member # 26071
Default  Posted: 11:10 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is actually totally expected and a great sign that you are doing good work together! When you are ready to let you go, you will know. It will be somewhat sad but not too scary. Keep talking to her about your feelings -- its great to be in touch with it.


BW, SAHM
D-Day: 6/5/09, drunken ONS on business trip, confessed immediately, transparent, remorseful but emotionally clueless
M 11 years, 3 kids
4/12 Tried to R for 3 years, have decided to D
12/31/12 D final

Posts: 542 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: PacNW
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup when you are ready you will be able to let go.
You may always have a special place in your mind/heart for her and keep her contact info should issues arise but you will be ok with letting go when it's time.
If only there were more like her out there.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8229 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If only there were more like her out there.

Exactly.


Me: 41
Two boys: 17 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25509 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
UnexpectedSong
♀ Member
Member # 21761
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, July 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The attachment to a therapist is useful in allowing you to trust her and for you to explore relationship dynamics. But it is an artifact of the environment - anytime someone gives you their full attention while you talk, time after time, it creates intimacy.

But it's an artifact. Maybe you should bring this up to her. (Don't ask her out for drinks to be your friend. If she is a good therapist, she should refuse.)


WW(SA)
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker

Posts: 6092 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, July 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did bring it up to her and it was uncomfortable. I figured I had better say something though because otherwise I would be holding back in my sessions. She was very respectful about it and said we could continue to talk about it.


Me: 41
Two boys: 17 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25509 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I asked my IC waaay back...when would I know when I was ready to stop therapy?

Her response, "When you don't have anything to talk about".

I am definitely getting there, I only go about 1X per month now, and I'll probably go to every 2 months soon. She is right, I don't really feel like I have anything new to talk about. I genuinely like her and could be friends outside of therapy...but I'd never ask. I will miss her when I stop therapy. I've been going almost 2 years.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4113 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is the first counselor I've had that I've "kept" longer than 2 months. I usually quit. I've been seeing her for a while now. To her she was like its ok (course she's getting paid too) and I was surprised that I could see her as long as I have been.

cme that's awesome. It means you are growing and learning.


Me: 41
Two boys: 17 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25509 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Topic Posts: 11

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