Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Chivalrous (45316)

Off Topic Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: In-Laws/New Baby- help?
KeepCalm_CarryOn
♀ Member
Member # 33374
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As some of you know I struggle with my in-laws and their lack of boundaries and apparently my husband struggles with my parents and their seemingly rigid boundaries. Ok, fine.

However with baby coming we have VERY VERY different visions of what's going to transpire in the hospital and it's causing me some MAJOR anxiety. I would really like to text the Grandparents when we're ready for visitors, H would like them waiting in the waiting room. He wants to have that moment of coming out, telling everyone she's here, announcing weight, length, etc. I get it- he wants his moment, I respect that.

I know for a fact my parents will not wait in the waiting room and I also know while his will, I'm not sure they'll be so respectful if he comes out, announces and then tells them to go away for awhile. They are very needy. I know someone will make the comment "But we've been waiting so long, can't we just see her for a few minutes?" And he'll cave.

I know I need to relax a little, but this isn't about them! It's about H, baby and I. I'm just not sure what to do, or how to navigate this situation. PLUS his family (sister and mom) are supposed to be staying at our house taking care of our pets while we're in the hospital so how does that jive with waiting in the waiting room for GOD KNOWS how long!


You are not dealing with rational people or situations. Normal thought processes won't work...story of my life.

Me- BW, 28
Him- fWh, 34
Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August


Posts: 2030 | Registered: Sep 2011
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Sweetie.... This is an easy one...
When you get to the hospital tell your Nurse and the staff exactly who you want and don't want to be in your room before, during and after. Ask them to enforce it. They get to be the bad guy, and don't mind it, it's part of taking care of you.

If your H is going to break then the Nurse gets to say oh I'm sorry you can't see them right now. You will need to come back in an hour or whatever time frame you need. With my second kiddo I didn't want anyone in my room until I had a chance to get a shower, and cleaned up. Of course I got in trouble because I took myself to the shower, while still feeling the very minor effects of the epidural still....LOL. Nurses make the worst patients.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8684 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto what tushnurse said. 100%. Nurses are awesome.


Posts: 35796 | Registered: Mar 2011
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I made a rule of not wanting anyone in the room when I was in labor - and I got bored. Just FYI.

But I DEFINITELY wanted some time after she was born to connect with just the three of us, and that's what we did. I didn't think our families would respect that but they did. And it was great. Hopefully they'll surprise you. If not, hell yeah, the nurses (at least at my hospital) were happy to be the bad guys. They even had code. If you asked the nurse for a green popsicle, she'd kick everyone out of the room.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6804 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BTDT...The nurses are on YOUR side, not hubs or family, YOURS. I would tell them that you are perfectly ok with them being in the waiting room, but that they are not to come back after the baby is born for X hours.

They will enforce this. DH's XW tried to come back with DH's son to visit the baby and she was on the No visitation list. Pissed her off to no end, but they wouldn't make an exeception at all.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2012
KeepCalm_CarryOn
♀ Member
Member # 33374
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just wish we could get on the same page. It feels like his family always comes first.


You are not dealing with rational people or situations. Normal thought processes won't work...story of my life.

Me- BW, 28
Him- fWh, 34
Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August


Posts: 2030 | Registered: Sep 2011
jrc1963
♀ Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You and baby are his "family" now...

He made that decision when he said "I Do" - apparently he didn't' get the memo tho -

I had the opposite problem, my parents wouldn't even come to the hospital until the day after the baby was born and I was bored stiff during labor... I mean beyond bored.

I agree with the others... tell the nurses who, what, when...


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24587 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
purplejacket4
♀ Member
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have often played "the bad guy" in this situation. Have you doctor and nurse tell the family "no one but dad until she's in the post partum room."


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2238 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know if this will help, but ...

I had a hard time standing up o my parents, even though they did things that my W really hated - lots of loud fights, for example. (Their fights weren't healthy. My W's fear of the fights wasn't healthy, either, but I hated them, too.)

I couldn't protect myself against my parents, but I sure could protect our son. We sat down with our parents and told them that if they wanted us to visit with child, they had to keep from fighting while we were there. After our talk, they very rarely fought within our hearing.

Now could be a good time to start building those boundaries. (Of course, it was easier for us, since we usually lived a plane ride away from our parents.)


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10337 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Mama_of_3_Kids
♀ Member
Member # 26651
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When you get to the hospital tell your Nurse and the staff exactly who you want and don't want to be in your room before, during and after. Ask them to enforce it. They get to be the bad guy, and don't mind it, it's part of taking care of you.

THIS x100000000%^^^^

Nurses are to be an advocate and if your family is going to cause you stress, they'll have no problem asking them to not be present.


Me: FBW/30 Him: FWH/33 The kidlets: DS13, DS10, and DD8 The hounds: Four Shih Tzu's
Finally, completely R'd
Clothed in strength and dignity, with nothing to fear, she smiles when she thinks about the future.~Proverbs 31:25

Posts: 11581 | Registered: Dec 2009
KeepCalm_CarryOn
♀ Member
Member # 33374
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks y'all! I'll talk to the nurses when we get there and our MC gave me "permission to be the bitch" in this situation. Maybe soon H will get it....


You are not dealing with rational people or situations. Normal thought processes won't work...story of my life.

Me- BW, 28
Him- fWh, 34
Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August


Posts: 2030 | Registered: Sep 2011
StrongerOne
♀ Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your husband wanting to announce about the baby is kind of sweet -- I think you can compromise on that one piece. And then you do not have to have anyone else at all before, during, or after the birth. They can all go away after the announcement and visit you several days later. At home. Later.

Btw, unless you can be reasonably sure the families will be helpful to you when you are back home, I'd set up some expectations and boundaries about that right now. My folks and my MIL were incredibly helpful after my son was born. My FIL, on the other hand, was a big selfish self centered baby. What a PITA! Useful phrase: I'm sorry, I'm feeling awfully tired, I need to go have some quiet. Then leave, with baby if you want, or leaving baby with the grandparents.

[This message edited by StrongerOne at 11:02 PM, July 19th (Friday)]


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 872 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 12

Return to Forum: Off Topic Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.