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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Holy c^*#, and doing 69 without T M I
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As I woke this AM, I thought about this and that and the other thing. I reached out for my W and my hand fell on the curve where waist hits and butt meet - a curve that I love. I thought of what I was doing today - physical exam, dance lesson, dancing in 90+ degree weather, etc., etc., etc. ...

And then - holy crap! - I had been awake, musing over the day for 15-20 minutes, and I hadn't yet thought of the A!

Obviously, the A still impacts my life, but it's no longer the first thing I think of when I wake up or the last thing before I fall asleep. If it's not yet time to declare victory for my own recovery, that time is close.
*****************************

A lot of my musing this AM was about my birthday, next Tuesday - my 69th. In a year and 5 days, if anyone mentions '69', I'll be able to say, 'I did 69 for a whole year.'

The real key is 70. I welcome 50 and 60, but 70! In my gut, I always thought - and I still think, I guess - that 70 is 'old', but here I am just a year away, and getting closer every day.

Maybe the problem is that I believe the messages we send ourselves are extremely powerful, and if I think I'll become old in a little over a year, I'll actually become 'old'. So I guess my task for the year is to change my idea of 'old' to something like 'just another opportunity for growth and adventure, like every other age'. And then I have to keep thinking of 'growth and adventure' as 'learning to do new things and to do them'

Or something like that....

Also, I'm way different from how I thought any 69 year old would be. I have to do more thinking about this....

Anyway, thanks for reading.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10420 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll have to say, I had no idea what to expect when I opened this thread.

Yay! Sisoon!


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5320 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sisoon - You made me laugh.

69 now is NOTHING like the 69 you knew as a young man.

My parents both turn 70 this year, my mom next week. They are two of the most active, dynamic, awesome people I know. They have been blessed with relatively good health, but they also make sure they take care of themselves. But they did abuse their bodies when they were younger (old hippies).

So I say embrace it, have fun, and enjoy all the birthdays.

Happy Bday to you!!!!


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8738 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats my friend. Sounds like you're moving forward in the right direction.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1399 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
still2suspicious
♀ Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wasn't sure what I would find when I opened this up

My H turned 60 yesterday. NEVER in all my years did I think I would be married to a 60 yr old But here I am!

sioon, didn't you hear? Any one UNDER 80 is still young? Oh yeah, those number will change as we get closer to 'em!

Enjoy your year of "69"!


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1306 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
PinkJeepLady
♀ Member
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome to hear you had that time when you didn't think about it!
How encouraging! I wonder if I will wake up and have a "normal" morning? Sounds like it is very possible!
I appreciate your insight on many topics and "69" didn't disappoint!
Age is just a number, you keep on rockin'! Sounds like you have a whole lot of living to look forward too!
Happy Birthday to you, enjoy!


Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
R-ing
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 494 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
Alex CR
♀ Member
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I loved getting to the point where betrayal was not the first and last thing I thought of each day.....it was a milestone for me when my focus became me and us instead of them.

As to 69.....I turned 60 earlier this year and still can't believe I'm in the sixth decade....it is nothing like I thought......hell my folks were so old at 60!!!!

I think you are right the messages we send ourselves are powerful.....maybe even self-fulfilling....

Either way.....hope your birthday is great and 'doing 69 for a year' is everything you wish for!


BS Me 61
WS Him 62
Married 33
Together 40
DD 11/16/09
The future looks good....

Posts: 1713 | Registered: Mar 2010
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday to you!

Congratulations on your first thoughts this morning.

You give me hope.


"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divor


Posts: 1437 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
needsomehelp14
♂ Member
Member # 28631
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Such a very hopeful posting for those of us stuck in that "first thought / last thought" rut.

Thank you!


BS (44) Me
FWW (46) Her
FOM (45) Her Co-worker/My friend
8+ year A
Married 17 years
D-day 2-26-10
A ended 9/08

"When the game is over, I won't walk out the loser, and I know that I'll walk out of here again"


Posts: 335 | Registered: May 2010
struggling3
♀ Member
Member # 34671
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday to you and I hope you enjoy that whole year of 69...lol.

I love when I realize I started my day without the A invading my brain first thing. Still waiting for the day it doesn't visit for the whole day but slow progress is better than no progress. We will get there some day.


Me - BS 55
H - WS 57/very remorseful and supportive
Kids 29, 26, 22
D-Day 8-5-11
discovered 4 month long EA
R - slow and steady but very optimistic

Posts: 320 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, all. Alex CR, count again - you just finished the 6th decade of your life. Enjoy.

SI has been a supremely important part of my healing. SI is support when I ask for it, and a willing audience when I want to vent. Time after time, member after member has helped me clear up my thinking with the issues they raise and the comments they make. The opportunity to post has also helped me clarify my thinking and interact with so many people whom I'd like to meet. Even not so welcome messages from the mods have helped me heal.

'Thanks, SI' only begins to express my gratitude to DS, MH, and to everyone else who built SI and keeps it going.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10420 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Funny  Posted: 2:29 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sisoon

I too didn't know what to expect from your title.

Good for you. I am happy that you are finding yourself and your footing again.

Good for you and congrats on your birthday. Celebrate you and all that you are.

(((hugs)))


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1214 | Registered: Apr 2013
Bikingguy
♂ Member
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it was Phillis Diller (SP?) that said, she never wanted to be 70 until she got to 69!

On the A not being front and center. I was recently outside a connivence store and a woman was on the phone - and her call had nothing to do with an A! So there are actually people out there not completely consumed by this topic! Just crazy.


Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 675 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
Alex CR
♀ Member
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sh&%....Sisoon....Math was not my best subject. Mom, who is 84, is always reminding me how we actually are finishing a year on our birthdays, not starting it. On my 60th in January she reminded me I was already done with 60 and am now working on 61.....same thing with the decades, I guess....although I'd rather not think about being in my seventh decade ....Yikes!

Does that also mean in five days you can say you did 69 for a whole year???


BS Me 61
WS Him 62
Married 33
Together 40
DD 11/16/09
The future looks good....

Posts: 1713 | Registered: Mar 2010
SadFlower
♀ Member
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy birthday, Sisoon! And many more!

I was so happy to read of that lovely moment with your wife. Did you tell her?

As for age: I turned 65 recently, and my first thought was, eek, how did I get old enough for Medicare? But you know what? I feel nothing close to what I'd always imagined I would feel like at this age. Actually, I've been doing yoga for several years, and I'm convinced that I am more flexible and have better balance than I did 10 years ago.

I think that staying active physically and mentally is the key to aging well. Clearly, you are doing these things. (Dancing lessons--wow, I wish my FWH would do that!) Don't let the numbers get you down!


Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 19 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA


Posts: 408 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love that the A was not thought numero uno this morn. Yeah!

Maybe the problem is that I believe the messages we send ourselves are extremely powerful

So true Sisoon! A bday card I love reads: You are never too old to become younger.

Here's to Tuesday!
LA


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2481 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
RidingHealingRd
♀ Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

it's no longer the first thing I think of when I wake up or the last thing before I fall asleep.

I remember when this ^^^^ happened to me. I honestly felt as if I was turning a corner and life was getting better. I now live for the day when I go 24hrs without thinking of my WH affair.

Happy birthday! Age, it's only a number!

My WH just turned 60 this week. I told him the same thing, it really is just a number. What really matters is how you feel and how you live.

Wishing you a wonderful year ahead, one that is filled with "growth and adventure"


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2124 | Registered: Nov 2011
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, Happy, Happy Birthday! I am just a decade behind you and hope I have your equanimity at some point.

Be well and have a wonderful day!


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3687 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
VD2012
♂ Member
Member # 36317
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy belated Birthday sisoon.

It's great that the affair isn't the first thing to cross your mind in the morning anymore. I've had a couple days where the thoughts are delayed for a few minutes but they always come. One day...

Good work on the continued healing.


Me: 28 ~ Her (FR2012): 27
Together: 9 years, 2 children
D-Day: April 19, 2012

Surrender to the truth of life.


Posts: 466 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Traversing Dark Places With The Light of Truth
HeartInADustpan
♀ Member
Member # 38341
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is so awesome, sisson! I was a little hesitant to open this one.

Happy belated and enjoy your 69!!!


Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
Topic Posts: 27
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