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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Horrified
unwound
♂ New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Kickboxer))))

We are right here with you. Hang in there.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
NoTriangles
♀ Member
Member # 35985
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We all understand feeling horrified. Feeling shattered. It's completely excruciating and debilitating. I'm so very, very sorry for your pain.

We are here for you when you are ready.

Hugs to you,
NT


Me: Finding my Sunlight
Him: Traitor in my Foxhole
Let go or get dragged.

Posts: 1251 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: a state of consciousness
Siamesecat
♀ New Member
Member # 36237
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

right there with you...

24 years, 3 kids, my world shattered beyond belief. Nothing will ever be the same.


Me:BW
Him:WH
Married 23 years
3 loved children
D-Day: July 2012

Posts: 28 | Registered: Jul 2012
kickboxer
♀ Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tears for understanding...

I thought I was crazy. Thank you for the reminders to nourish myself. I realized today that I hadn't had much, if anything, to eat or drink over the past 2 days...I thought something was wrong with me, and appreciate hearing that it's a normal response to grief/pain.

I tried to go to a kickboxing class today (hence my name). I drug my 3 babies in with me, but didn't have enough strength to get through the first 5 min, and had to drag them back to the car. That's when I realized that I hadn't hardly had anything to eat or drink.

What day is it, anyway? I can't seem to focus on anything, and completing a simple task feels insurmountable. I literally feel like there's a hole in the middle of my chest.

I'm exhausted. Thanks for the reminder to take something for sleep. He has Ambien, and doesn't seem to have an issue sleeping while I lay here weary and broken. #fuckyouforthis

OMG, can I cuss here? I don't cuss. But I want to scream every last bad word at the top of my lungs...and more.

I talked to her. I called her, because I put 2 and 2 together and figured out that our new TV he suddenly had the money to buy a few months ago was actually a Valentine's gift from her. #fuckingbitch

Sorry.

I destroyed the TV, btw.


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
lost_in_toronto
♀ Member
Member # 25395
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((kickboxer)))

You can cuss here, although there are a couple four lettered words that begin with c that are not allowed.

Cuss away, the situation warrants it.

You certainly are not crazy for being in so much pain. Infidelity is such a painful experience. It is actually still distressing after all these years to remember the pain I felt in the months after dday. It does get better, it really does.

Please be very gentle with yourself. Instead of a kickboxing class, perhaps a walk on a beach or in a park. Drink water. Eat some fruit. Take care.

Destroying get the tv - awesome.

When you are ready, we are here and will listen.


Me: BS/39
Him: WS/37
DDay: August 23, 2009
Together 14 years.
Reconciled.

Posts: 1657 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: not toronto anymore
BeautifulEmpty
♀ Member
Member # 38763
Default  Posted: 3:56 AM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember laying on my bed, screaming almost silently into my pillow...soaking it with tears and snot...just exhausted with rage and sadness. Blinding pain...days going by as I dragged my body around. Eating nothing, eating too much...mindlessly. Developing twitches from anxiety...medication to handle being in the same room as him without screaming in hysteria. This wasn't my first rodeo with him but it was the deepest betrayal in a long stream of shit.
My point is...I *remember* this...it's a memory. Not the present any more although I still hurt. (((Hugs))) no matter what, this will fade.
Take care of you and kids. Make no important decisions right now and be as gentle with yourself as possible. Work out if it relieves pain but not if you aren't hydrated and properly nourished because you are going through extreme traumatic stress and while good for you, exercise is stress on your body too. You are on overload so dont do it if you aren't properly fueled.
Keep posting here and read the Healing Library. My heart goes out to you.


Me: 42 BS
Him: 38 ws
Ow: 44 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 21, 18, 17, 15, 10
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 254 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I destroyed the TV, btw.

GOOD FOR YOU!! Dump the pieces on OW's porch.

I'm sorry - I'm angry and heartbroken for you. Your pain is so palpable.

More hugs...


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 30 years 9/2/13
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS & 20 mo. GD & GB #4 due 8/15(DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5027 | Registered: May 2007
cliffside
♀ Member
Member # 38803
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HUGE hugs to you. I'm six months out and will never forget those first few days. That feeling of WTF happened to my life?! The unimaginable pain that no one else (except for us) understand. It will get better. It takes time, but it will. Can you get yourself to your Dr? I eventually had to get on meds. I have two little ones and I couldn't function. The meds helped and I wish I had gotten them sooner.

Do you have family nearby? Or someone who can watch the kids? You need to take care of yourself and get some sleep and rest. I remember that EXACT feeling - you're sleeping after you did this to me and here I lie AWAKE? Really, YOU get to sleep!? I actually smacked him with a pillow one night!

Try to eat. If you can't eat (I couldn't) buy ensure or make smoothies with protein powder in them.

We're so sorry you found our little club, but rest assured all of us have felt the pain you're feeling and will be here to help you through it.


Me: BS 39
Him: WH 41
2 Kids
D-Day: 2/3/13
Broke NC 3/14
Very skeptically in R for now...

Posts: 265 | Registered: Mar 2013
Getting to Happy
♀ Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Kickboxer)))))

I destroyed the TV, btw.

GOOD FOR YOU!! Dump the pieces on OW's porch.

THIS ^^^is a splendid idea!!!

The searing pain of discovery is mind boggling! Just know that the ache will begin to subside when you realize that you cannot change the past. And he cannot un-f*ck the donkey.

As you find out more of the puzzle of the hidden past where he lied and cheated, a sadness will creep in on you. You will grieve the relationship. Unfortunateley, this also is normal.

Just remember, you did not cause him to cheat. That is on him 100%. And that you cannot change him, that also is 100% on him.

Focus on what you can control, YOU.

Take care of you and your kiddos. Spend time with them and let them know that you love them. They are going to feel 'a disturbance in the Force' in the house.

Let their love for you soften the blow of the bomb that you WH and his slut threw into your family life.

The only way out of this hell is through it.

Mr. Happy's slumming in the gutter with his ho-worker brought me to my knees! I know...

I don't want to be a debbie-downer, just wanted you to know that you are not alone. We are all so sorry that you have to go through this.

I wish you peace and strength. Please guard your heart.

[This message edited by Getting to Happy at 11:45 AM, July 19th (Friday)]


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1138 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
ambull29
♀ New Member
Member # 39689
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so so sorry!!

Just wanted to say that I'm not a violent person whatsoever....however, breaking/throwing some stuff (that's important to him) has been hugely therapeutic! Good for you!


Posts: 6 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Asheville, NC
Heavy Sigh
♀ Member
Member # 34243
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's a surreal experience to realize your life isn't what you thought. So sorry you have to be here.

Posts: 1917 | Registered: Dec 2011
HurtButHopeful?
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG, can I cuss here? I don't cuss. But I want to scream every last bad word at the top of my lungs...and more.

This seems to be a common result of A's. I don't know how many times I've read of "ladies" talking like sailors. You'll get your lady mouth back, but it will take a long time.

The A takes us to a filthy place we never even knew existed, or if we knew it existed, we didn't want to ever be there. Our WSes dragged us there, without our even knowing where we were going.

It also happened to me. I never swore, didn't even say b-tt, or p-ss, said, bottom and tee-tee...you know...after potty training 4 babies, I just kept using baby words...it was more fitting of a mommy, and of a lady.

After getting over the initial shock of the A, I found myself cussing like a sailor.

Wow!!! it must have felt great smashing up OW's brand new TV!!!!! You go girl!!!

TO WANDA!!!!!


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
unwound
♂ New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kickboxer have you gained any insight from the integrated messaging? Do not reveal your hand. I regret revealing that resource. Continue to use it as long as possible to gain any type of information that will benefit you! And save the messages to a jump drive.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
TXwifemom
♀ Member
Member # 37945
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I shattered all of our wedding crystal. It felt great!!!! He would be in the middle of talking to me, and I would raise one finger to get a moment of silence, and heatedly walk over to the crystal in our priceless treasures cabinet. And open the back door (we lived on the side of a mountain, with a ditch behind the house), and

Smash. Every. Fucking. Piece.

13 years of crystal. Because he smashed me. It was better than screaming at him in front of our two and four year old babies.

Made me feel better. I almost keyed his car, but I bought it for him.

All you have to do is survive. Nothing else.


Posts: 231 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: texas
TXwifemom
♀ Member
Member # 37945
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And I'm sorry it sucks :(

[This message edited by TXwifemom at 1:27 PM, July 19th (Friday)]


Posts: 231 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: texas
timeforchange
♀ Member
Member # 27454
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs to you kickboxer

You may not see it now but you have found a wonderful place for support. Some people only find us several months into their journey. Coming to SI so early is a GOOD thing.

I am sorry for your pain.

The fact you smashed OWs gift tells me you are going to be ok.

Life goes on after infidelity. And for many many of us..... It is a better life.

If you reconcile or divorce still remains to be seen.... But I promise you a long time from now life will be joyful and beautiful again.

In the meanwhile ... We are here for you.

[This message edited by timeforchange at 1:52 PM, July 19th (Friday)]


Me = BS aged 43
2 boys, 13 and 9
DDay 1/19/10
Confronted him 2/16/10
Finally Divorced 8/29/12

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”


Posts: 726 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Expats in Europe
Violetta
♀ New Member
Member # 39749
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kickboxer, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I also have three little ones and am facing a WH who wants to leave me for a "friend" after 10 years of marriage. It really does get easier.


Me: BS, 37
Him: WH, 37 (EA with coworker)
Three kids: 6, 4 and 2
Married 10 years, together 12
D Day: 6/21/13
Filed: 8/15/13

Posts: 49 | Registered: Jul 2013
kickboxer
♀ Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, my stranger friends. I cannot tell you how affirming your words of support and encouragement have been.

We've been completely engulfed in "hysterical bonding" over the past couple days. I can't seem to get enough of it...the entire thing doesn't seem to make a lick of sense, given his crime...but nothing else makes sense either, so I'm just going with it. He's taking care of my "hysterical needs" (which I don't think has been too much of a burden on him, btw). Beyond that, he's been making sure I have something to eat, keeping my water cup filled, and doing everything he can to help me sleep (which still doesn't come easy)...basically, I feel like he's trying his best to take care of me -- as he would if I had suffered any other trauma -- and his tenderness has gone a long way in helping me feel more "normal". Until our hysterical sex started 2 nights ago, we were both just sitting in a time warp of tears and heartache...and actually, that hasn't changed, but now I feel like we've connected again.

RE: The TV -- She doesn't live in our area, so I obliterated her $500 Valentine to my husband during the phone call I made to her. She's well aware that her gift to him has been destroyed.


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
outtanowhere
♀ Member
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really admire people with such creativity!!!


BS - 57
SAWH - 60 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 37 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
He promised me Heaven then put me thru hell

Posts: 715 | Registered: Apr 2013
HurtButHopeful?
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HB is a wonderful gift from above...intense feelings of closeness to counter intense feelings of pain. To doesn't take the place of the truth and hard work of regaining trust and peace, but it sure validates the BS (and the WS.)

I don't want to ruin the moment, but if the A was a PA, you might want WH and yourself to be tested for STD's before you keep going with the HB.

Also, has he committed to NC with OW? He needs to do it, in a way that you know for sure it has been done. See the Healing Library for more about this.

I'm glad WH is helping you during these first days. Is he answering all your Q's to your satisfaction? If he is, you have a chance to heal quicker, unless you later realize that the A was a deal breaker. Only time will tell.

So glad you got the satisfaction of knowing OW heard you destroy her secret intrusion into your M...I mean her "gift."


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
Topic Posts: 49
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