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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Well, shit, y'all
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, that was a real shit move on his part. He didn't have to notify housing just yet, but he did, and he did it to stick it to you. Well, congratulations scumbag, you've succeeded. Bravo. I know rules are rules, but come on.

Now, I'd be on the phone or meeting with his supervisor asap. That may or may not get you anywhere, but I feel like they like to know about these kinds of things.

Next, I know how stringent the military is about what condition the house has to be in when you move out. I would take what you need, and leave the place a fucking mess. Let him hire a cleaning company so he doesn't get fined. He wants to stir the pot? I say you put that pot on the fire and turn up the heat.

What a lowlife.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3171 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Housefulloflove
♀ Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My POS ex was in the military for 90% of our marriage. Take what you need and want and leave the rest for your POS to deal with. Don't even *think* about cleaning and doing anything necessary for clearing.

Have you talked to his command about anything that is going on? Even if they can't/won't help, I would make sure everyone knew what he was doing and what he has done before I left. He is a monster, an abomination walking around in human form.

And you are right. No matter what you do he is going to behave badly, so do whatever the hell you WANT to do with zero regard for his reaction. I am SO angry for you! So many of our military members are true heroes but there are A LOT of assholes who wear the uniform for the ego boost and their hero complex when in reality they are heartless cowards like your husband pretending to be better than they are.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
Coraline
♀ Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for the support. In this situation, reaffirming to me that he's the jerk, not me, counts as support. Since we dropped the criminal TRO to make it a civil matter, he's been able to pick the kids up at the house, and he's been super nice to me, which, of course, was very confusing to me, because I *know* he has only animosity towards me, but it causes some serious cognitive dissonance to see one thing and know reality is different. I told my friend that he was acting nice, but I knew he was up to *something*, because he always is, and I needed to keep telling myself that, every time I started to feel friendly towards him or believe we could ever be friends.

Obviously I was right, because he had to have done this at least 2 weeks ago, because they need 30 days notice. It's hard to ignore what you see and listen to your gut when you know what is true, but I'm glad I did. It saved me some hurt feelings and shock.

I'm at the courthouse now. 20 more minutes!


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Deep breaths Coraline!! We are all standing with you ... giving him the stink eye and middle finger!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2117 | Registered: Oct 2012
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so proud of you, Coraline. You have stared this situation right in the face & stood up for yourself & your children. You've come so far and have been incredibly strong. Keep going, Mama!

[This message edited by Nature_Girl at 2:23 PM, July 18th (Thursday)]


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9299 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Doesn't the military have a code of conduct they expect their soldiers to follow? Is his commanding officer aware that one of his soldiers has been having an affair with a MARRIED woman?

I'd make him aware. Yesterday.

I hope court goes well.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7139 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Coraline
♀ Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So good news and bad news. The good news is housing will extend us until Sept, but the bad news is we definitely have to be out by Sept. We *almost* settled, but one issue held it up and therefore he refused to agree to ANYTHING. The one issue was just how private school expenses would be paid, and EVERYTHING else was worked out, but they refused to reserve that issue. He won't agree to anything until he agrees to everything.

Whatever. I now know that the *worst* that can happen isn't so bad, so I'm just riding the waves. The worst he can do is make me poor for a while and lie about me, which he apparently does with impunity, but no one believes anything he says except his psycho girlfriend, his attorney and apparently his family, and I don't care what any of those people think. The judge already made it abundantly clear that I was getting physical custody. The rest is just details.

It's a week later, but I'm editing these to say that I think that whole custody thing wasn't so abundantly clear after all. It was mentioned, but nothing is done until the final trial, so it could still change. :-/

[This message edited by Coraline at 9:15 PM, July 26th (Friday)]


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much for checking in! I know you must be exhausted. I've been checking SI for a update from you all afternoon. I hope you get a chance to unwind tonight.

I guess the housing is good news but I still think he is a prick for not putting the children's best interest first. So yah, let's either force them to endure another HUGE transition BEFORE school starts OR DURING the school year. What an asshole.

I'm glad to hear you got physical custody. It sounds like all his chest thumping and controlling antics are rolling off of you like water on a duck. Keep moving forward. I better life awaits you.


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2117 | Registered: Oct 2012
Coraline
♀ Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well technically it's not that he gave me custody yet. He just said that he would of he were our trial judge, and that whoever our trial judge is also will. I'm still paranoid about it, but I have to let that go. A hundred people, 5 lawyers, and a judge can't all be wrong.

It's a week later and I'm editing this because I was talking to my attorney again today and it seemed like my understanding of this was wrong. He said something to the effect of me having custody, but apparently one can never take that to mean much, before all the chips fall.

[This message edited by Coraline at 9:12 PM, July 26th (Friday)]


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A hundred people, 5 lawyers, and a judge can't all be wrong.


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2117 | Registered: Oct 2012
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Coraline, just keep doing what you are doing because it's all going to be okay. You got this!


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4694 | Registered: Feb 2008
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad that you got extended tell September. Now, go find a place for you and your babies. Take only what you want. Sell the rest. In a big yard sale at the house, with a sign saying "Adultery Sale Proceeds Go To Support An Abandoned Family. And then leave the trash in the house. He's the military member, let HIM pick up the slack. Because it goes on his records, not on yours.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4585 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Coraline, I can't help but think about how much stronger you have become since your very first posts. I'm so proud of the strength I feel coming through your posts. You got this!!!!


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4554 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Coraline
♀ Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, Tesla! I feel much stronger than I ever have in my life. I know I'm not going to get everything I want, but now I know my kids will be where they belong. That's the important thing.


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
tabitha95
♀ Member
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Be strong!! It's amazing what the good folks on SI have been able to go through and yet we're still standing.

PS...I doubt his attorney believes him. He's just getting paid to be a divorce lawyer...which I've learned is just about the money and power.


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3247 | Registered: Dec 2008
Mousse242
♀ Member
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That surprises me as the military looks down on this kind of behavior. You need to get his CO involved and see what kind of help can be offered.

Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
Topic Posts: 36
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