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Newest Member: JJ99 (44613)

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User Topic: feeling lost. Mother - daughter issues
jrc1963
♀ Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tickles...

No matter what, family or not, you have the right to be treated with respect and civility in your own home.

Even if she wasn't an adult, you'd still have this right.

The thing is, she is an adult and as such no longer your responsibility for care and feeding... She can live on her own, make her own decisions and suffer her own consequences and no one can say your negligent *legally speaking*

I'm not suggesting that it's going to be easy... I'm sure your heart will break.

But, you have rights to peace and happiness and it's time to take your rights.

Your H and your younger daughter also have the right to live in a peaceful house. Consider that as well.

(((Tickles)))


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 68
DS - 12
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24416 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
StrongerOne
♀ Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Time to start charging her rent

Seriously, the mouthiness and disrespect are unacceptable. From anyone, at any age, but particularly from one's child. Totally out of bounds. ("Therapy session" -- how rude and disrespectful is that??)

Sit her down -- or, if she won't sit and talk with you, or if you feel it is too hard to talk with her about this, write it. First off, that you love her and want the best for her, and that includes her learning how to treat others with respect. Set out your rules for her to enjoy the PRIVILEGE of living in your house. Make it a clear and to the point list. Include behaviors (treating you with respect, etc), household obligations (chores and the like), any financial expectations (rent? Paying for her own clothes? Paying her own car insurance, gas,etc).

I work with college students, and I have a middle schooler. I do not put up with behavior like your daughter's, ever. And it has not hurt my relationship with my child, or with my students, either. My son and I are close, and I have a longstanding rep for being super helpful and totally take-no-crap with students. You needn't be as hard edged as me , but I do think you can and should take a firm stand on this.

If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your daughter -- if she does not learn to treat others more respectfully, she is going to have a rough go with others in the future.

Hugs -- none of this is easy!


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 847 | Registered: Sep 2012
hopelessromantic
♀ Member
Member # 25415
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jrc... I know you are right in what you are saying, but I'm having a hard time pulling the trigger on some of it. She's just stubborn enough with me that I can see her not finishing college and I don't want to see that happen.

StrongerOne - the sad part about all of this is so many teachers, friends tell me how wonderful a kid she is and how proud we must be of her (and we are on some things) but then I look at them and ask if we are talking about the same kid?! She IS respectful and polite and well behaved with everyone, it seems but me and my husband and her sister. With us, she always makes it out to us against her thing for whatever reason. I honestly thing there is some jealousy stuff going on with her younger sister and I know she can't stand her step dad. The whole thing just makes me sad.

I was visiting with mom last night and she said sometimes you just gotta take it with a grain of salt and know that you've done all you can and she'll either realize it some day or she won't. I feel like she won't.


BS-Me FWS-him (bigdog)
D-Day 5/3/09 TT til 6/22/09
Behind every woman scorned is a man who made her that way.

Posts: 2836 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Midwest
jrc1963
♀ Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are things you can take with a grain of salt and then there is abuse.

It sounds to me like your DD is very manipulative and fits the pattern of an abuser - to me, and I'm no expert -

But she is presenting one personality to everyone else and then being just plain nasty, disrespectful and verbally abusive with you...

Think of how many abused spouses we've seen on this forum alone... how everyone else thought the spouse was mr/mrs wonderful. Only the spouse or the family knew what a monster they really were.

I know I may be going to extremes... but that's what hit me when you said...

She's just stubborn enough with me that I can see her not finishing college and I don't want to see that happen.

She's manipulating you. If she doesn't finish college, that's on her, not you. If you're providing every opportunity for her to go and she doesn't go... that's all on her.

A lot of people don't go to college in the teens/twenties... and it's not the end of the world. She can always take herself back to school later.

I know you want an easy, happy, productive life for her. But really, isn't that all up to her now?


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 68
DS - 12
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24416 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

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