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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Feel Lonely During R - Vent
anonymous823
♀ Member
Member # 39433
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WF has been doing his work and I've been trying to do mine. I just feel extremely alone and I miss feeling like I make someone happy.
I also miss security in love.
I like doing for others and I feel unable to do for my WF because I'm hurt, so I feel out of whack.

My life has become paranoia and sadness. Part of the reason I picked my F was because he's so much older than me and seemed to have it together but he does more stupid stuff than twenty something year old men my age.

Tired of crying over this affair and seriously contemplating ending it. I'm too young and I've given him almost all my twenties and have gave me his thirties. He should know better. Cheating at 40 just seems odd to me. Of course I can be rigid and my expectations can be very high. Still, I met him when I was in undergrad and I have since earned two degrees. I expected to be on track for a family since both of our careers have taken off and money is not an issue.

Now I have to deal with this and it's hard to hide because I work in entertainment publicity for a major film studio and I normally take him to all my events and suddenly I've stopped. I no longer wear my e-ring and I'm sure ppl know we're in trouble. It's embarrassing but I guess this happens when you have daddy issues and figure marrying a man a bit older will mean avoiding the issues that plague your dad.

My F is 12 years older than me and although he's highly intelligent and has been my rock through some serious bs, he has a terrible relationship with his toxic mother and was sexually abused. Thus, he needs to feel safe with and validated by women. Due to issues with my dad, I crave a certain security as well but two broken ppl make a whole mess it seems. I have been in IC for a while and actively work on my family issues, my mom is NPD but this just throws me off. I love him but I don't think he would be safe to marry and coparent with. I question if I'm even marriage material due to my Foo issues.

This all sucks because when we're good, we are amazing partners. We never had money issues, naturally allow the other to lead when necessary and our intimacy - sexually- is pretty amazing ( he says this is why his affair was an EA and that he can't imagine sex with anyone else). We click on so many levels but we're damaged due to Foo issues.

[This message edited by anonymous823 at 11:32 PM, July 14th (Sunday)]


Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2013
kiki1
♀ Member
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((anonymous)))
I understand your confusion. You dont give a dday, but i see you only registered last month. You may still be in shock. i know it took me weeks to snap out of it. Some hard truths we have to learn. Take care of you, it will become clearer as time moves on. I'm sorry.

Posts: 508 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know how you feel. For a year now I have felt sad. I too miss the security of a secure relationship and I loved being a loving husband and making her happy. Apparently I wasn't doing a good enough job. :(


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1225 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 3

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