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Newest Member: Faith1 (44735)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What is the best MC for infidelity?
SecondHelping
♂ Member
Member # 36796
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We just started seeing an MC and I started to look at the qualifications of the other Cs in the practice.

This one was recommended by my IC and he seems OK, but I'm curious what others are using.

Our MC is a LCSW. He seems to be qualified in infidelity but we just started with him and are pretty far away from DDay. We've talked a lot and have processed the A. One thing we need from the MC is how to have a healthy arguement and disagree.

He has recommended and mirrors a book called 'How to get the love you want" from Harville Hendrix.


D-Day 1: Feb 1990 (2 yrs into M, kissing and a hickey)
D-Day 2: 3 Sep 2012 (3 month EA/3 week PA)
BS 49- Me, fWW 43- Her (Amibroken)
OP- Deputy Chief of Police from the town next to us! (Age 37)
Married 25 Years, Together 28
3 Kids (17, 14, 11)

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Delmarva
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMHO the best MC for infidelity is someone that has experience dealing with infidelity. And has dealt with couples that reconciled after infidelity as well as those that divorced.
Also-the therapist should not be someone that encourages the BS to rug sweep and 'get over it'.
He/she should view the infidelity as trauma and understand that the BS is often suffering from PTSD or more accurately PISD ( post infidelity stress disorder).

Our first MC was awful. He was insisting that I needed to get over it and I looked at him and said: "I am only 3 months post d-day and you expect me to get over a 5 yr LTA already?"
I also was positive that he was a WH because he totally related to my FWH.
I confronted him with that also. He told me it was not something he would disclose. But his non answer said it all didn't it?
If he was not a former WS he would have said that and then said it really didn't matter.

Anyway, we wasted 3 months with him. Then we found another MC that was well versed in trauma as well as infidelity. I even went to her for EMDR.
She was much more helpful.
But, I have to say that I think that IC for myself and my FWH helped us the most.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3157 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
Topic Posts: 2

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