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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Why these huge steps back?
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sunday morning, 7.30 am and instead of catching up on some sleep, I am sitting here, sorting through my itunes library, tears rolling.

I have a man in my life for whom I am falling more and more each day and who is crazy about me. I have wonderful friends, a supportive family, stability in my job(s) and yet, the news of XH moving 40 miles away to the city where we first started out, having secured a lovely 4 bedroom house with a large yard together with OW, getting a dog together with OW and planning to play happy family up there with OW and my children - it has me come crashing down.

I would never, ever want him back starting to realize now how you can actually be loved by a man. But it hurts bad to see all those things we talked about and dreamed about being realized with OW, knowing I put 18 years of committment, love and hard work into this part of my life just be discarded like a piece of trash when a new, sparkly toy came along.

Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
♀ Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Periodically I find myself mourning what was, what could have been even as I realize that what I have now is so much better than what was.

It's okay that you still do so from time to time, especially with news like this. It just means you are a caring person who's aware that how things shook out wasn't right or fair. It doesn't mean you aren't healing, in a better place, in a better life to do so.

Hmm a 4 bedroom house though, with a dog, what a cleaning job that will be! And the taxes? Oof. Are you sure you want that? lol.


[This message edited by cayc at 9:50 AM, July 14th (Sunday)]

"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3120 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You wouldn't be human if you didn't feel something.

You have been lifejacked. That's a few degrees worse than the average case of infidelity.

It happened to my BFF. Her ex ran off with best friend, who was a married mother of two at the time.

They became schmoopies in lurrrv, she divorced her husband and moved in with him, who promptly married her and bought the beautiful old house my BFF and he had looked at and dreamed of buying for years.

Word now is that she is a complete shrew, her kids are terrors and his life is miserable.

Poor muffin.

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17488 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I get that way, and I wonder if it is because I don't have someone to date. I get to hear all about them playing "happy gay family" with my kids...while I"m at home alone if the kids aren't here.

I don't want it back, but I still get slapped with the "what was SUPPOSE to happen" from time to time.

I think it is just the process of moving forward.

Hang in there

me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings

Posts: 4185 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I feel cheated, not in a sense of being cheated on but being cheated out of what should have been mine with my children.

That is the hardest part. I have to share my kids, only see them 50%, have 50% of their memories, see 50% of their activities and Sparkly Panties, who has not done anything for these children, gets to play Disney Mommy.

Off to the nursery to get new plants for the deck and the front yard. I need to do something physical today and 'create' something or I will be stuck on these sad thoughts all day.

Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Totally understandable lady. I went through the same thing, just a different stage of life. I love Faith's term "lifejacked" - it describes it well.

XWH and I had so many plans once we emptynested, and he walked out just 18 months before that with a woman he had a 10 week affair with and started that life with her. (Her kids are two years older than mine so she had already emptynested). They now have the vacation house in Mexico we always dreamed of after our trips there, etc.

But you know what fraeuken? In the end we WIN - because although it's unfair that they jacked our lives this way, we are both FAR better off without such broken people in our lives.

And we both know that just because he's painting a pretty picture doesn't make it so.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling

Posts: 4607 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, fellow SIers.

I picked myself up, downloaded some classical music I have been wanting to get for a long time, listened 10 times to Frank Sinatra and Luciano Pavarotti sing "My Way" on my church, met up there with SO and got a few good hugs and some loving words of understanding, went flower/plant shopping and am now ready to tackle life again.

I will always grieve this marriage and the family and the future that should have been.

Love the term 'lifejacked' as well. It really summarizes what we are all going through.

Have a lovely Sunday and a splendid week.

Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 8

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