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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Sex last night, 1st time
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We had a horrible day yesterday. The fighting started first thing. Then we tried to get out as a family and attempt normalcy (we've done this a few times) and it just didn't go well at all. It was a very bad day all around.

So what do I do? *I* initiate sex last night. Our first time since d-day 36 days ago. Why would I do this? Very confusing.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
spinning73
♀ New Member
Member # 39675
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you read about hysterical bonding (hb)? I'm was wondering same thing and came across this term which seem to explain a lot for my situation. Not necessarily a bad thing from what I've read. I think we were both trying to connect in some way and physical realm was a gateway to start the emotional reconnecting too?
Good luck


me-BS 40
WH-40
Together 23 years, married 17 years
DDs-11 and 8, DS 7
4 month EA/PA ended by WH 2 months before
DD-4/14/13
Hoping this recovery is real...

Posts: 42 | Registered: Jun 2013
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did read about HB, but got the impression that was an ongoing stage that turned you into rabbits...this is just one time. I'm guessing I needed the connection, but sheesh, as if I don't have enough to think about, now I have to analyze this too. Ugh.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Jospehine85
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm guessing I needed the connection,


^^^Bing^^^ Don't beat yourself up over it.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 811 | Registered: Jun 2012
shatteredheart7
♀ Member
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree, don't beat yourself up about it. The day my H confessed, as soon as I calmed down, I was ripping his clothes off. I beat myself up about it until I realized why I did it! I needed the connection with him AND I needed to feel like I had control,like somehow sex with me this one time would wipe out his memory of sex with her.

What I learned is...We all deal with this shit differently so don't beat yourself up about the way you deal with it!


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 5

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