Here's a few things I have learned on my journey.
Trust is what must be earned. It will take time, it will take him not complaining about being an open book, especially while you're going through the hyper vigilant stage.
As my pastor said, try and put trust on the same track as forgiveness and you'll have a wreck eventually. They are not the same thing.
Forgiveness can be done with or without the offending person. It's something you deal with from within. It's not acceptance. It's integrating what happened into your past and coming to a peace about it. Though that sounds wrong, that's basically it. There may never be a complete peace. I know people decades out that get triggered and could possibly "go there" but have to make the choice to forgive in that moment.
Reconciliation is like forgiveness, but it involves the offending party. They named what they did, owned it and the issues it caused. Is the word we most use here on SI in order to indicate that the relationship has been fixed. After having been in limbo for years and seeing other BSs in limbo, I realized that that's only the first step. To reconcile is to match something up, balance the scales as it were.
From what I have read and experienced, there's a third level- restoration. You restore as much of the relationship as is possible after the A. What can't be restored is built anew. For this, both parties need to be involved- fully involved. Each is examine their part in any issues in the M. The WS is also examining they why of the A and any personal issue leading to that choice. It takes the "I did this" of reconciliation a step further into "I will change this".
Is it possible? Yes. When you read the story of SI you see that the couple who started this site accomplished restoration. Others have too. It will absolutely take your H earning your trust back, owning what he did and working through the issues he caused, repairing as much as he can and building the relationship stronger at the weak points. "Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*
❣I hope my issues don't discourage ur healing. I've buried a lot & my WH hasn't done his part in R❣