In early September it will be two years since I ended my "too soon post divorce, too early to be in a relationship, oops sorry" 6 month long relationship. Although I've had plenty of dates in the last two years, although I've had a lot of "first meetings" and have dated a few men for 3 or 4 dates, I haven't had a "dating relationship" in almost 2 years.
I was hoping (hell, I was certain) I'd find the right relationship early on. I bought the "6 month guarantee" package on Match, never thinking I would extend my contract (twice!), much less buy memberships on other dating sites. I was pretty hopeful, and pretty naive.
Almost two years. If I had known then, what I know now. When I started it was scary as hell. I had no idea what I was doing, made a lot of mistakes and missteps, forgot who I was and lost my "voice" more than one time. Each step I took I analyzed, debated, evaluated and discussed with my friends, on SI, in my head. It was exhausting! (eta yea, I know I still do it!) I thought I was so ready when I started. Thought I had my head on straight. Thought I was cool with it all. I wasn't, and maybe I'm still not, but I am so much more put together now than I was.
Almost two years. When I started OLD, I think I would have been pretty disheartened had I known I wouldn't find a relationship in two years. And yet, like every other step of this journey, I have learned so much about me. I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned. I really do think I'm awesome. I really wont settle. I really do know what I'm looking for. I really am going to be the one who chooses, not the one who is chosen. I really am going to be picky. I really am (almost totally) freaking okay with my singleness!
Although I really thought I would be one of the ones who found a good relationship right away, I'm grateful that I haven't. Huh, what do you know, it turns out my new beginning has really been ALL about ME after all.
But you're so right. We learn as we do this, it gets easier and easier, and, as our perspectives broaden, we understand more and more what is best for us.
I'm thankful that some rather "close calls" for me early on did not turn into relationships.
I think I dodged a few bullets too.
I'm at the one year mark...but on/off the entire time and feeling a whole lot less hopeful in general. I have a spark of hope left, but overall...beginning to assume it ISN'T going to work.
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings
[This message edited by meaniemouse at 2:47 PM, July 13th (Saturday)]
Seriously though, one of the best things about SI is learning that I'm not the only one experiencing what I'm experiencing. Thank you all for that.
I am OLD too - I recently moved back to my home country, and in March decided to give it a go. I have yet to meet someone, I've been on 3 dates - all the guys liked me - but, and this is what I am most proud of, I said no, because I now have the confidence not to settle for anything less than I deserve.
I think that is my NB in a nutshell - like you all, I'd love to meet a nice guy to share my life with, but I'm not going to rush into it. I can imagine it's going to take a while for someone special to cross my path, and if they don't, well that's ok too.
OLD is entertaining - I too get all the crazies - but they make me happy that I actually have a pretty good life!!
My last date was Friday night just gone - nice guy, very misguided - he lied about his age. Not that his actual age is a problem for me, but that he lied about it! Then he later said his last gf left him, and wasn't happy that he hadn't told her that he had children.....umm, you think!! Too many red flags - my choice was to say no!
Divorcing - at last!
And I too, have made the conscious switch from being chosen to I will make a good choice. It is a HUGE change for me and a positive one. And this I do firmly believe I owe to SI as I can remember the moment when I read a comment here from someone who "assumed" (or was projecting the confidence) that I would be choosing.
My bestie reminds me constantly if I just wanted "in a relationship", there are guys lining up. I want the RIGHT one.
It's been almost 5 years, and I don't even have an SO, but I'm dangerously close to becoming the crazy dog lady.
I do have some wonderful men in my life, but I'm kind of taking a break from old right now.
This time I have gone over 5 years without being in a relationship or living with someone. I've found that I am happy being single and don't know that I really ever want to give that up. I'm just fine with it being just me and the kids.
I think it's all the past mistakes and bad relationships that has made me so picky. I'm not settling this time around. If I give up my freedom it's going to be for someone who I really want to be with and someone who deserves to be with me.
It is what it is.