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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: really bad day
SSmile
♀ Member
Member # 37696
Default  Posted: 12:40 AM, July 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been 8 and a half months since dday. everytime I bring up the affairs he doesnt want to talk about it, says he doesnt know how to without angering me. (I still do get angry and break down, the rest of the time we are raising 5 kids and him working two jobs.He is in counseling with a IC but I don't really know what is going on in his sessions.. He has asked me to go to marriage counseling but I can't seem to get there. He says "we cant do this alone" and "we need counseling to stay together" we, we, we... well I told him WE arent a team anymore. where was "WE" when you were screwing whores??? (not literally) I feel alone and he knows this too, says he loves me..pretty sure he doesnt know what that is. I pissed my thirties away on a man who didn't commit for five mins. When does the anger and sadness go away..I am drowning here and my kids are suffering because I am so unhappy.

[This message edited by SSmile at 12:41 AM, July 13th (Saturday)]


Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else
would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.
-unknown

Posts: 84 | Registered: Dec 2012
madsadalone
♀ Member
Member # 39201
Default  Posted: 7:16 AM, July 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Ssmiles)))

While I feel less than qualified to give you answers, I want you to know that you have been heard.


Me: BS 47
Him:WH 55
M: 27 yrs
DD 4/29/13
3 kids (25,23,22

Posts: 82 | Registered: May 2013
ionlytalkedtoher
♀ Member
Member # 39802
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, July 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my kids are suffering too. I just have no energy to be the awesome mom I used to be.

Posts: 264 | Registered: Jul 2013
Duffy1958
♀ Member
Member # 39755
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, July 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't feel qualified either but I also want to jump in with the others in support of you.

This is hard. It's like a war that you have rounded a corner on (reconciliation) but there is still much damage & destruction to clean up.

Can you get any time to yourself in the midst of all of this? Can you get any help? Friends-family? A support group is good.

Dont be afraid to ask yourself hard questions. You sound like you want to say this is a deal breaker. Yes?

Give yourself permission to ask all the questions from your husband & yourself. I am keeping a diary. It helps me keep track, I have to concentrate to do it, it makes me feel proactive about my situation. I think half the battle is figuring some things out. I'm not saying "do as I do" just I have found it helpful to me.

My heart goes out to you SSmile. I support you!


Me-SAHW soon 55
Him-asshat age 60
Married 3.5 years together 13.5
Step-children 8 altogether Grandchildren.
Cheaters are the same yesterday, today & forever. They may have different caveats but they lie the same & pull the same shit.

Where i


Posts: 114 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, July 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My FWH went to IC and so did I but then we also went to MC together. I tried to limit my endless questions to our weekly MC sessions because otherwise I could have discussed the LTA 24/7 and get the same reaction from my FWH or worse.
When he knew that I would save my questions for MC it became easier for him to open up at that time...that or he was afraid that I would go back to grilling him about it all day long.
And...in your case ...8 months post d-day is not that long. You are still trying to recover from this mess so feeling bad is not unusual.And needing to ask questions is not unusual.
Its an emotional roller coaster.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3163 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
SSmile
♀ Member
Member # 37696
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone. I am still hanging on at the end of the cliff..waiting for an appt to open up for MC. We will see. I dont owe this to him I decided but to myself and my children.


Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else
would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.
-unknown

Posts: 84 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 6

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