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Newest Member: 44years (45365)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I "think" we are doing good
shatteredheart7
♀ Member
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Most days I would say we are doing very well. I have never once since I found out about his PA even thought about leaving him. IC & MC have been going so well that the last time we went our MC told us that it was up to us if we wanted to schedule another appointment or if we wanted to wait to see if we thought we needed to come see him. He also told me that at times the last couple of sessions he has felt that I was helping him to understand his wife (seems the MC wife and I are a lot alike)

When things bother me I either tell him or I write it in my journal and he reads it in the evening. We then talk about it. When he isn't at work we spend as much time together as we can. Doing fun stuff, or just cuddling on the couch together or spending time with the kids. He has been completely open with me. I have all his email passwords, and access to his phone and the cell phone bill. We installed the "Find My Friends" app on our phones and use it whenever we are apart, including when he is at work. I honestly feel like we are closer than we have been in the 11 1/2 yrs we have been together.

Tonight he went to his parents for a couple hours, in the past that would have caused me to trigger. But I have been fine. I did go to the gym while he was gone which takes me right past her house. She wasn't home but it didn't bother me.

Do I still have my bad days when something will trigger me? Yeah, I discovered a new trigger just yesterday. However, he realized what was going on and helped me through it very quickly.

I know we are going to make it! I have faith in us! He is slowly earning my trust again. I know it will be a very long time before I trust him 100% again, but I do know that one day I will.

As for the OW. I realized this evening while I was reading through some other posts on here that I don't think I hate her anymore, well at least not with the same white hot hate that I did feel. What I feel for her now is more pity than anything else. I now realize what a pathetic, lonely, desperate person she is. I doubt she will ever find happiness and that is what she deserves!

I really do love my husband and I know he loves me! He made a bad choice, he hurt us all and almost destroyed me. But, he has asked for my forgiveness and he has asked for GOD's forgiveness. I forgive him! But I am not exactly ready to tell him that...


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
whatnow8
♀ Member
Member # 36576
Default  Posted: 12:16 AM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is wonderful. I'm so happy for you.


wtf?? How insane does your life have to get that you want to polygraph your freaking HUSBAND. ~ OldCow18

It's hard to make a decision when you're too tired to hold on and too in love to let go. ~ unknown


Posts: 178 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: midwest
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for sharing this.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10383 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
shatteredheart7
♀ Member
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. I have to give credit to this wonderful site! I have learned so much about dealing with all my pain, his guilt, and a new way to look at the OW on here! Sharing my story and reading about others has helped me more than I ever thought possible!

We had another great day today! He started midnights tonight and that is always hard for me. 4 nights of sleeping alone, but then he is on vacation until July 28th. We are going to vintage motorcycle days for 4 days. He has always went with his best friends from HS (a guys "weekend" thing), but this year he asked them if they minded me going along. He said he doesn't want to be away from me for 4 days, he would miss me too much. Fortunately they both love me and consider me a sister in law (more than I can say for his actual brother). Then we are off to band camp with my DD17 & DD14 for a week.

I was reading a post the other day from someone asking about the A making your marriage better. I have given it a lot of thought and I wish it wouldn't have happened. I wish he would have came to me and talked to me, went to counseling and fixed himself (like I had begged him to do for over 2 yrs) before the A. However, I know that all the wishes in the world won't change the fact that IT DID HAPPEN and however you want to look at it, because of OR in spite of the A, we are much better as a couple.Even though I didn't know about the A when I moved out last yr (his depression and anger had gotten to be more than I could take anymore), he realized when he was rambling around in this big house by himself and every where he looked there were memories of me and the kids just how much he loved us all, how wrong he was in his behavior and how much I was right that he was clinically depressed and needed to get help. Thanks to his Dr and IC he is a much better person now than he was for those 2+ yrs. We have learned to appreciate each other and the love that we have for each other. I couldn't be happier and I wish that same happiness for everyone here, no matter what path you chose! I'm not going anywhere, I know I still have some small issues to work through and I enjoy cheering for everyone to much to leave. Hopefully one day I can help someone else through this difficult process.


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
spinning73
♀ New Member
Member # 39675
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the positive post. It's great to hear it is possible to have a good outcome after going through all this crap!


me-BS 40
WH-40
Together 23 years, married 17 years
DDs-11 and 8, DS 7
4 month EA/PA ended by WH 2 months before
DD-4/14/13
Hoping this recovery is real...

Posts: 42 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 5

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