mp, for me too, it would all be retrievable. Wh is a different story. He can never remember anything. I don't know how much is due to his abusive childhood or it's just a convenience for him to not have to remember. Either way, I think 5 years is more than enough time to have worked some of this crap out, and sat down and put some real thought into trying to piece things together.
dameia, I don't think the A was a deal breaker if we were moving in the right direction. The last few years he has had to work a ton of overtime, so he constantly uses a lack of time as an excuse for not working on things. We've started counseling 4 times, and it never lasts more than a few months.
I said early on that I didn't think he was really interested in putting in the work necessary, he said he is, but here we are 5 years later...
Right now on my list - a timeline, counseling together, not just IC and I want to actually talk about the As in counseling (I know I, we need help actually communicating about it), no sex until I'M ready.
I have access to his phone, etc. He seems fine with the non-emotional requirements. It's the stuff that he needs to put real time, thought, and work into that seems to be the problem.
wtf?? How insane does your life have to get that you want to polygraph your freaking HUSBAND. ~ OldCow18
It's hard to make a decision when you're too tired to hold on and too in love to let go. ~ unknown