You are not alone. We are here.
Help yourself. Hold on to yourself.
Things will get better. This will pass.
You are very wise to keep your distance from her. The exposure to her callousness is very hurtful.
There really isn't a lot which can be said for their behavior. You are spot on when you recognize you can't control them or cause them to love, if they don't want to see it. My husband, together 13.5 yrs, married 3.5-just not that into me. When I challenged him on this he said NOTHING!? Crap, I half wish he would have at least tried to lie. He lied about so many other things.
I'm sure you have surprised her by
disengaging yourself. I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't take it personally. Their thought process is very effed up.
I think our mind has a hard time processing this because this wasn't suppose to happen.
Also, I'm convinced, a cheater is batshit cray for cheating, lying etc. Who in their RIGHT mind would invite all that hell in their life.
I think it is pure cheater BS for her to say last 3 years....They ALWAYS try to rewrite history. I don't even know if you can believe half of what they say. Cheaters lie. Barf. They disgust me & rightly so.
If there is future contact, you could say something like, "You have crossed so many boundaries I don't recognize you. The person I have witnessed in this (X) amount of time is NOT someone who is headed in the same direction I am, in ANY fashion. Please respect my boundaries & do not contact me again." Change your number or block hers. I like the number change myself even though it's harder.
My heart goes out to you SoVery. Please continue to take care of yourself. I think you have done an outstanding job of dealing with this crap of infidelity. You have made wise choices for yourself & trust me, that is a VERY attractive quality.
Please stay in contact. There is still many feeling & emotions to go through. I feel like there is an eternal buzz saw in my gut. I even swam & lots of sun to wear myself out. SMH
Stay in touch! Duffy1958
Men have a very different way of expressing love that women don't understand. When you "do things" for women, they see that as what you must do out of obligation, not out of love, ie., mow the lawn, buy her a new car for XMAS, take out the trash, get a promotion at work, watch the kids while she gets her hair done, fixing the roof, etc. Showing love to a woman in which she defines as love would be setting up travel arrangements for a romantic getaway, writing a note that tells her how cute she is when she's sleeping, and how sexy you think she is, or whatever would be in a romance novel - unexpected kisses, opening the car door for her, reciting a love poem - something that sweeps her off her feet. Is she happy you fixed the roof? Yes. Does she find that romantic? No. You would've done that for your mom too.
Personally, I would rather have a beautifully written love letter from my husband for my birthday / XMAS than anything that could be bought at a store. Unfortunately, the romance from the courtship dies when "I do" is said at the altar.
[This message edited by EtTuBrute at 4:07 PM, July 12th (Friday)]