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Newest Member: TryingToReform (45458)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Hot For Teacher--First Post
guarded
♀ Member
Member # 25364
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, July 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not sure where you are from, but I highly doubt that they can lose their jobs over this. It may be embarrassing, but that is about it in our current society. Both are legal adults, married or not, and there no longer are morals clauses that would be grounds for dismissal. (Unless, of course, he or she were involved with a student...)

In addition, as much as it may burn our asses that it is possible, there is nothing to have him removed as your son's coach, either.

The most that might happen is a warning/ counseling memo in their files for inappropriate use of school time for the texting (provided it was not during prep or lunch). But once formally counselled or warned, if it doesn't happpen again, there isn't legal standing for losing their jobs.

I know that sucks, but it is what it is. Also be careful, because unless it is written into a separation or divorce agreement or a restraining orderin place, you can't even limit your child's interaction or exposure to OM if your WW allows it.


In R? But how do you know it isn't another pack of lies?

Posts: 451 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: NY
guarded
♀ Member
Member # 25364
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, July 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sorry. duplicate post

[This message edited by guarded at 10:12 PM, July 13th (Saturday)]


In R? But how do you know it isn't another pack of lies?

Posts: 451 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: NY
unwound
♂ New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, July 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gaurded it would be easy to get my son to discuss with the superintendent that Mr. Coach was promising one on one coaching for him. And offering to drive him to and from practice. As the superintendent is a very religious man he will not be happy with this. We live in a very small town and this type of thing is still judged, as it should be. In the best case for the lovers they will be forced to not teach in the same school anymore.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
unwound
♂ New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, July 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is definitely abusing his power over children.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
aesir
♂ Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, July 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not sure where you are from, but I highly doubt that they can lose their jobs over this. It may be embarrassing, but that is about it in our current society. Both are legal adults, married or not, and there no longer are morals clauses that would be grounds for dismissal.

If one is so inclined, one can fire anyone they want to. Misuse of school resources (even if it is just time that belongs to the school) is a good start.

If your wife says she wants to D and that the papers should be done by your lawyer, you should jump at that just for the opportunity to not have to pay two lawyers to fight.

As Mark Twain said, One lawyer in a small town will starve to death, two can make a damn good living.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
seriouslylostit
♀ Member
Member # 23987
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think driving over to the other BS house with unknowing WW in tow is one of the best things I've read on here! Brilliant!!

Posts: 843 | Registered: May 2009
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unwound, in the I Can Relate forum, there is a thread called Betrayed Men http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/text.forums.asp?tid499130&hl&ap761. I would suggest that you go there. Those guys are fantastic and extremely supportive. I daresay that you'll get plenty of advice and support there as well.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4966 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
toomanyregrets
♂ Member
Member # 37740
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Something tells me this was more than just an EA.
Did your WW ever have to stay late to grade papers, do extra work?
They had plenty of time to do extra curricular "activities".


BH - 64
fWW - 60

"Affairs are not mistakes, they are a series of deliberate choices." - CrappyLife


Posts: 485 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Upstate NY
Snowy
♂ Member
Member # 14028
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not sure where you are from, but I highly doubt that they can lose their jobs over this. It may be embarrassing, but that is about it in our current society. Both are legal adults, married or not, and there no longer are morals clauses that would be grounds for dismissal. (Unless, of course, he or she were involved with a student...)

I agree with guarded. When we first find out after D Day, the BS feels there should be some sort of consequences directed at the OP. This is a natural reaction given the great trauma that has been suddenly inflicted on you and the anger and conflict that develops inside you.

Other natural reations are to snoop, investigate etc, control mobile phones (I did a lot of that)

The reality is, in our western culture we all have the choice as to who we have as our partner provided both people agree to it.

A person can not be forced, either by law or threat, to stay in a marriage if they don't want to.

The key question to be asked after d-day is do both people honestly want to stay in the marriage and do everything we said in our vows on our wedding day?

For the WS, they need to be answering the question within 2 minutes. If they say yes then the BS has about 6 months to contemplate their response (you need time to get your emotions together).

If the WS can not answer, I believe it is a coward's way of saying no.


Posts: 160 | Registered: Mar 2007
unwound
♂ New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She declared she wants a divorce. She wants the house. She wants primary custody. Did I miss something?


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We all missed something - and that's a dam good question.

All I got for you right now is to protect yourself. Lawyer up.
Think and ask about appropriate legal ways to separate finances.

I'm sorry man. She's...not right.


Posts: 6684 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You missed the fact that the person you married is a fucking moron. Don't worry, I completely missed that too.

Posts: 1756 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
redrock
♀ Member
Member # 21538
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She declared she wants a divorce. She wants the house. She wants primary custody. Did I miss something?

Oh yeah, half your pension or 401k. And a million other things.... She can make all the demands in the world and that doesn't mean jack until the court says so.

On that note:

Be careful.

Buy a voice activated recorder and keep it with you at all times.
She has motivation to try to get you out of the house and at the same time make you the 'bad' guy so that her rep in that small town is preserved. And you know what moves that along nicely for her-- a domestic violence allegation. She could involve the cops, courts etc... tmrw and have you escorted from the house.

PROTECT yourself. Right now. Even if it sounds far fetched, it has happened. To members here. BE very, very careful.

Do not leave the house before you talk to a lawyer about your rights in regards to the home, custody, furnishings etc...

Exercise to get the stress out. And take care of you. And your poor son.

Infidelity frickin' sucks.

[This message edited by redrock at 9:04 PM, July 18th (Thursday)]


I don't respect anyone that can't spell a word more than one way:)

Posts: 3158 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Michigan
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Unwound))

Bitch boots, chore gloves and how about...Shit Kickers!
I am sorry you are here.

Tremendous responses for you.

I wish you well.
LA


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2483 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
kickboxer
♀ Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by kickboxer at 9:54 AM, July 20th (Saturday)]


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((unwound)))
Time to get your ducks in a row. I would strongly recommmend against using the same attorney. I have seen some nihtmare scenarios develop for that.
You did nothing wrong. She is smoking some good stuff if she thinks home, kids, and the ony change in her life is the mand next to her in bed. Deep into fairytale land for sure.

Stay strong. Let your son know how much he is loved, that sucks for a teen to find out about a parent. You need to let him know that it has nothing to do with him, and you will ALWAYS be there for him. Offer counseling. Too often our boys tend to bottle it up, and become frustrated, and confused, and then depressed. (I have dealt with this, not about infidelity but death and my son was confident enough in our relationship to share with me that he was depressed, confused and even cut himself once) We got him the help he needed. He is much better now.

(((and strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8744 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She declared she wants a divorce. She wants the house. She wants primary custody. Did I miss something?

Of course she does....it is classic false entitlement syndrome. Nope, not a real disease but it should be, we see it here enough.

Just wait, next step is her twisting it all around so she can portray herself as the victim.

It is all very amazing when you try to understand their version.

Sighhhhhhh

Keep your chin-up, lots of BS is coming but you CAN do this!


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2185 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
unwound
♂ New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. It gives me strength to read your responses. I am meeting her for lunch to discuss the divorce.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
kickboxer
♀ Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How did lunch go?


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
unwound
♂ New Member
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The lunch went fairly well. Compared from her first divorce settlement requests to her tune yesterday things have improved. Basically she wants to split everything 50/50 so she can be done. Including custody. 50/50 custody is as good as it will get for me, if I am being realistic.


Me-35
WW-35
HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
DS-15
DD-11
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 65
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