This was a hard week. I had a couple of really hard days where I just felt hopeless and I realized that if he hasn't come back for real in the last 4 1/2 months, he isn't ever coming back. I think we have now been dealing with the devastation of his A longer than his A (if I am to believe that he is no longer in contact with the OW like he says).
We have been up and down the roller coaster and he pretty much went back to saying "I was miserable, if I hadn't been caught I'd still be miserable with you." He has been mad that I get mad and have blown up on him when he was "trying."
Anyway, I've had a really hard week where everything just hit me. I've been back from Maternity Leave since April and a lot of people have noticed I'm not the happy, cheerful, upbeat girl I was before I left to have the baby. Only my supervisor and another coworker knew what is really going on with me. Thank God that they did because I've messed up on more than one occasion and it took me a while to get back on track.
This week being so hard, I unexpectedly disclosed what is going on with me to two more coworkers. I've gone so long without telling anyone, but something just cracked inside of me this week. I think I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that if he hasn't come back by now, he isn't ever coming back.
Part of me feels weird, like it was just emotional throw up for me to tell, and part of me feels good like I'm getting more comfortable with my new reality.
The truth is that I don't have a husband anymore and I live alone with my baby and our dogs. He drops the baby off most days after daycare, and we see each other, but we are in such a bad place...that I don't feel like he is mine anymore.
Anyway...how did you handle telling other people? A few of my close friends know and his immediate family and my immediate family...but that is it. He also told a couple of his friends and his boss. I think he told more so others can tell him he's not so bad and that these things happen..etc.
I know my close friends have told some of their friends and coworkers just by things they have said to me...I'm that girl now...the one whose husband cheated on her while she was preggos. It's weird being that girl...
I have this nagging feeling like, what if he comes back one day and we work it out? Did I out this situation to too many people?
ETA...My whole family lives 3 hours away and I'm the only one who lives out of town. His whole family lives here. Basically DS and I have my two best friends, a handful of coworkers, and his family here. My coworkers are like family....they were just as invested in this baby as our own siblings have been.