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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Today's the day! And I want him to remember.
Flatlined123
♀ Member
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 5:01 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I discovered H affair.

I'm not sure how I feel. Seems like any other day. For that I'm thankful. I think I'm getting better.

But...I want H to recognize its significance in our history. Just a long hug and an I love you would be enough. I may not want this next year, but this year I do.

He's got a lot on his mind with work right now. I'm pretty sure this is the last thing he's thinking about.

I'm just glad I'm in a good place with this right now.


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 673 | Registered: Jun 2012
MartlArts
♀ Member
Member # 36130
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad you're in a good place. I agree you should find a way to remind him that it's an antiversary for you, and I hope he steps up with what you need.


excerpt from an awesome quote "Forgiveness - the finishing of old business that allows us to experience the present, free of contamination from the past."

Posts: 992 | Registered: Jul 2012
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Flatlined)))

It's a wonderful feeling as we heal and dates hurt less. Sounds like you are on a good path of healing. Sending you strength.


Posts: 35408 | Registered: Mar 2011
mrcpu
♂ Member
Member # 38157
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah.. the Antiversary. I marked it monthly for the first 2 or 3 months after D-Day. I imagine on the 22nd of December this year I will be marking it again. This time though, I hope to be marking the Antiversary as 1 year of successful reconciliation and a better marriage.

Tell your H how you feel. That you need him to show you that he is still sorry and grateful you kept him.


D-Day 1: 22 Dec 2012
D-Day 2: 22 July 2014
Me: 40's WW: 40's Together 15 years
1st OM: ex-"Best Friend" of 30+ years
2nd OM: Local Realtek and serial cheater on his pregnant wife.

Posts: 223 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Toronto
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has he remembered yet? How are you hanging in?

We acknolwedged very dday antiversary for the first 5. The we agreed that for this year, year 6, we'd try to ignore it. I couldn't. I really tried! He did totally forget which in some ways are good and bad. Eventually I pointed it out, explained why I was stabby, and he did all the right things.

These days mean a lot to me. Be sure to honor what you need, Flatlined - even this far out. Hope you are doing ok!


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6497 | Registered: Jan 2011
Flatlined123
♀ Member
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hubs called me as soon as he knew I'd be out of work He didn't mention it though.

When I got home he gave me the best hug and awesomist kiss in front of the kids who said "Eeewwww"

I asked him what that was for and he said it was because he was glad to be able to come home to me. He realizes how things could have been so different, so wrong if I had choose not to stay.

That was all I needed to hear. Then he had a promised whisper in my ear for tonight!

Oh, yeah. We are so in a much better place.

[This message edited by Flatlined123 at 7:35 PM, July 11th (Thursday)]


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 673 | Registered: Jun 2012
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Neat!


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10167 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Flatlined

Regardless if he is busy or not I think you need to let him know how you are feeling.

He most likely isn't going to remember because he wants to forget the pain and hurt it caused.

For the first year every month on the 16th (DDay) I would tell my husband this is going to be a really hard day for me.

The one year anniversary, I told him although I am in a good place I really hate this day.

My husband responded that he was sorry, thanked me for standing by him and gave me a huge hug.

Embrace your feelings because they matter.

Simply say "It's been a year today. I am proud of how far we have come but it is still a hard day for me"

Good luck and I am so glad you are in a good place.

(((hugs)))


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1163 | Registered: Apr 2013
flygirl96
♀ Member
Member # 22954
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy for you both.

Posts: 343 | Registered: Feb 2009
Topic Posts: 9

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