What I can tell you is that I've no longer got my XW occupying much space in my mind. No longer asking "Why?" or any of that. Realized I would never know the answer, and more important, I lost interest.
That will come your way, too. The nice thing is that you're still young. Even a long time from now you'll still be young. So take your time and let the healing go at its pace.
I'm five years out now and began to feel somewhat normal again this past winter.
Spend time with your feelings and just sit with it for awhile without self-medicating with distractions.
Eventually you will have it figured out. Nobody wants to hear it but it takes t.i.m.e.
It does get better, so much better, but it takes time and work. You'll get there, though!
Married: 11 years, no kids
Character is destiny
3 years for me in a couple of months...Learning from it, leaning into it...but it still sucks sometimes.
I hear you. When the roots are yanked, it's hard to adapt. Been 3 years for me and I still get lonely at times.
Ditto for me. Divorced 3 years in September. It takes time but it will get here. I just realized today that my 28th wedding anniversary would have been this year - in June! The only reason I even remembered it is because oxsgirl posted something that reminded me. This is a HUGE positive for me. Never thought I would get here.
You will too, in time.
Since then, it's been a huge rollercoaster ride. One day I feel great and then the next, I feel like I can barely get out of bed.
I bought a ton of books and have been reading through them over and over, trying to realize that I must find my worth within myself and not via someone else loving me. We must learn to love ourselves enough to not fear being alone. We are not alone. Through this website, family, friends, and support groups, we must always remember we are not alone.
Another thing I've learned is that during those times of feeling lonely, they are actually times that I am healing and growing stronger. I'm learning to detach from my toxic marriage and am realizing my value and worth as a loving, caring, & compassionate human being.
We all deserve so much more than these spouses will ever be capable of giving to us.
So, stay positive!!!! Realize that you are healing even though you are feeling lonely. Try to remember that "alone" does not mean "lonely." Try to explore and appreciate solitude because it can be restful. Try to view it as spending time with the most important person - YOU!! Also, if you can learn to enjoy yourself then you will be able to genuinely enjoy others. (I'm preaching all these things to myself right now too! :)
Try to hang in there. Everyone tells us that it will get better with time - that time heals all wounds. I know that I'm better than I was 2 months ago, so I can see I am healing - little-by-little.
Found a poem in a book called "How To Survive the Loss of a Love" that reads:
To lose you as a love was painful.
To lose you as a friend is equally painful.
But lost you are.
The walls are sooo high, and that finely honed saber I had when I began storming your citadel isn't even sharp enough to slash my wrists.
It's not that I don't care.
It's just that I can't let myself care any more.
(((hugs to you)))