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Newest Member: datehimhatehim (45059)

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User Topic: A general reminder for all of our members
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Red  Posted: 2:57 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The staff would like to remind members in all forums that everybody is not as far along in their journey as others who have been here and are eager to give advice and feedback. As much as we need to be truthful in our support, let's remember that coming at a newbie (or not so newbie) like gangbusters is not always effective and may scare some people off. Let's respect the journeys of others. Let's remember to be kind in our delivery. Sometimes it's enough to make your point once, without hammering it in repeatedly. Let's give people time to process. Please think back to when you first got here and were struggling and overwhelmed.

Also, although some posts might have a more interesting dynamic, let's remember to post to those who aren't getting a lot of responses, if we can, so nobody feels ignored.

Thank you.


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A fitting 10,000th post for "SI Staff"

I've heard a couple members thank people for their kindness and compassion in the early days, as they might otherwise have been frightened off.

I need to remind myself sometimes that new members are looking at this whole mess through eyes and hearts that do not have the benefit of experience that we all have gained after months/years here.

Thanks for saying something.


If life is just a series of ridiculous attempts to be alive, you're a hero. - J. Winger

Posts: 17536 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
booger bear
♀ Member
Member # 26584
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I am fiercely independent and I won’t apologize for it. I'd rather be single than settled.

Posts: 18793 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: OK - Hot as hell here !!!!!!
isadora
♀ Member
Member # 29130
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me: BW Him: WH
Married: 10 yrs
4 children: DDs 6&4; DSs 2& baby
2 Affairs - 2010 year long PA/EA, 2008 2 month online EA
Multiple D-Days

I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.


Posts: 4506 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Back home again in Indiana
mel88
♀ Member
Member # 18862
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let's respect the journeys of others.

Beautifully stated.


"tous dans le jeu, yo. tous dans le jeu."
-Omar

Posts: 594 | Registered: Mar 2008
BaxtersBFF
♂ Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To share with you all from the WH perspective...I got my ass kicked by the very first response to my very first post. DS even flagged it. But that post and the supportive follow up posts were helpful and what finally got through to me. The truth from others who had gone through it. The understanding and empathy from others who had gone through it. That's what made a difference. US, DS, AN, Clarrissa and others got through to me along with many others (thank you UKgirl).

We each have our own voice, our own truth and our own experience. Sharing that with others is what it's all about. Almost always, someone will get through. The person on the receiving end will figure it out for themselves eventually.

Thanks for the reminder.


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6099 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Excellent reminder


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52320 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Schilling
♀ Member
Member # 39774
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for this. As someone who is new to the form, I was very put off by some of the responses and I've taken to lurking in hopes of finding someone who might understand and not give me the "RUN" speech, which is what happened upon my very first post here.


I am 26(Bgf). He is 36 (Wbf).
On Again, Off Again - 10 years.
Not Married. No Kids.
D-Day: Too many to list/ remember.
Trying to Reconcile.

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: San Francisco
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was put off by someone who posted on my very first thread here. They told me to leave him,that he would cause me more pain in the future...they were right.

But I do understand what you're saying,"SI Staff." I think sometimes we get frustrated because we can very clearly see things new members can't. That frustration comes from wanting to save them from more pain,pain we have had to endure,because we made the same mistakes we see them making.

But their pain is so new..so raw.

Thanks for the reminder...I needed it.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7489 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's always a good reminder. Thanks.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6764 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
metamorphisis
♀ Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

confused I was really put off by some of the bluntness too when I joined and almost left. Every single bit of it ended up being true and what I needed to hear. It's not so much the bluntness that is the issue but coming at someone too hard too fast with sarcasm or belittling (like.. "Great, let me know how that works for you " ) that will run someone off. It may be obvious to us but it's really not when you arrive here shellshocked.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 10:50 AM, July 11th (Thursday)]



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 44803 | Registered: Sep 2006
DixieD
♀ Member
Member # 33457
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know I can be blunt, so I rarely, if ever, post in JFO. When I first got here, and a long time afterwards, I was easily frustrated, bitter, angry - you name it. I was at my worst, and I would charge through forums with an aggressive tone and pissed off attitude. What I've learned about myself was that when I did that, it wasn't about helping the OP. I wasn't able to be helpful or objective or supportive, at that point it was all about me.

As far as that belittling eyeroll emoticon - I hate that dude - and I'm not a newbie. Unless I use it towards myself and my own stupidity or to support someone in a vent. When I resort to sarcasm to get my point across (and I have), I know it's a sign I need to focus on my own shit more.

There are some members who respond that I really respect and I think I want to be like them when I grow up. SI has taught me more about myself than just about infidelity. I'm grateful for that. I'm still working on it.


Growing forward

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2011
selkiescot
♀ Member
Member # 23777
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

asl always You guys ROOOOOOCK!


The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
DDAYs TOO MANY
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1394 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
ElectricBlue
♀ Member
Member # 35110
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the reminder. Like DixieDevastated, I have moments where I'm so angry I know that nothing I post will be productive for anyone so I quietly go away until I get myself back to a place where I think there is a chance I could actually be helpful to someone, then I log back in.

Thanks for the reminder. I've seen people post once then disappear....I always wonder if it's cuz they were scared off by us or just so scared they couldn't face it at all. We've all been there, too.


I'm the BW, 3 DDays since 2010....
6/28/12, the day I finally admitted to myself that nothing I did would ever matter to him, he's just broken. So I'm gonna just let go.....

Posts: 283 | Registered: Mar 2012
metamorphisis
♀ Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 44803 | Registered: Sep 2006
DWBH
♂ Member
Member # 35512
Happy  Posted: 8:50 AM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome reminder, and I sincerely appreciate all the effort the staff here does to keep this site constructive and useful for members at all stages.


Me: BH, 43
Her: FWW, 41 (ThornyRose)
M: 16 years, together 19
2 Daughters: 14 and 12
D Day: 9/25/2011; Lies & TT to 5/4/2012
~Double betrayal; caught them in the act~

Posts: 729 | Registered: May 2012 | From: WI
broken <3
♀ Member
Member # 35098
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank for this post. I feel like my posts are ignored so much and I am getting to the point where I wonder why I bother :( but seeing this give me hope. Any suggestions for me? Is it my wording? I'm not sure and Im super sensitive :(


Me - BS mother of 15 month old identical twin girls (conceived during HB)
Him - serial cheater
R? Still not sure if this is a deal breaker...

Posts: 459 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West coast Canada
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Broken,

It sucks to feel ignored. I don't think it's your wording. Some topics just elicit more responses than others.

Please keep posting. If you feel like you are being ignored, bump your own thread! We've all done the shameless bump at one time or another .

AN


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37750 | Registered: Sep 2007
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey broken<3!

I'm sorry you feel like your posts go to the sidelines. I have several members who ping me if they need help with a post or just a bump or hug to get things going. Feel free to PM me any time you need a boost.

[This message edited by Jrazz at 12:03 PM, July 12th (Friday)]


If life is just a series of ridiculous attempts to be alive, you're a hero. - J. Winger

Posts: 17536 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Chandler
♀ Member
Member # 23038
Default  Posted: 11:38 PM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you for this...I have felt "ganged up" on in a thread. I have also gotten great advice and support but the sting lingers...it is hard for all of us and we all have different circumstances while a little dose of reality may be needed lets remember to do it tactfully


ME:BS Him:WS
D-Day: Too many I lost count
OC born Jan 09
"If happy ever did exist, I would still be holding you like this, all those fairy tales are full of shit, one more fucking love song I'll be sick" -Maroon 5

Posts: 1337 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Somewhere I never wanted to be
Topic Posts: 20

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