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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: fWH is detoxing so why am I freaking out
Mack9512
♀ Member
Member # 38619
DOH!  Posted: 9:13 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My fWH is an alcoholic that was 12 years sober when he decided to drink again in Jan 12. He hasn't had a drink since Oct '12 but has also not attended an AA meeting for over 18 months.

My fWH is also on strong medication for RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome). The long-term track record of these medications are horrible. The 2-year mark seems to be the switch for when they start messing with the user's brain chemistry and everything goes downhill from there. Addictive behavior becomes worse, new addictions appear and personalities go haywire (current research shows that 70% of men that take this drug for more than 5 years end up divorced; usually due to addictive gambling and/or sexual addictions. My fWH has been on them for just over 3 years. )

Well, during my fWH's IC session last night their talked turned to detoxing completely off all meds and starting to go to AA meetings again. I'm all for this but the meds part is freaking me out. My fWH's RLS was BAD. Real bad. I would wake up in the mornings with bruises all over my legs and arms and there were a number of nights when I was woken up due to a punch to the head...all done while he was asleep. The only way he can detox completely is if we stop sleeping in the same bed because I cannot sleep with his constant jerking combined while also having to dodge flailing limbs. His IC wants us to continue to sleep in the same room, but on separate beds just like Lucy and Desi. Our room is not big enough for another bed and I refuse to get rid of our current bed, which cost me around $5000. I could be the bigger person and say 'Yes. Let's sale the bed' but I have nerve damage in my back and spend most of the day in pain, so I refuse to give up the only bed that I have had that allows me to wake up pain free every morning. Selfish of me but after living the last 25 years in constant pain, the joy of being pain free for even a couple of hours is heaven.

Therefore, our solution is getting one of those armchairs that folds out into a bed for him to sleep on every night (he can sleep anywhere, most recently on the kitchen floor with the puppy sound asleep on his stomach). I guess my real freak out is that I am wondering if R can continue if we are not sleeping in the same bed? Are we setting ourselves up for failure? Has anyone else had any luck with this type of sleeping arrangement?


"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 318 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
GonnaGetThru
♀ New Member
Member # 38817
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh wow this sounds like a mess, I'm sorry. Is your H going into a detox facility for that part of things, and then you're supposed to sleep separate when he gets home? Just asking, because detox is not a pretty process and really requires pros. I hope his IC doesn't think you should /can handle that part yourselves. Yikes!
I've never had to do the sleeping separate thing but IMO if R is going well, I don't necessarily think it's an automatic failure. Maybe you could work out "cuddle time" or something in your main bed, then sleep time separately?
Are there other meds for RL that are safe for those in recovery? I really don't know much about it. With those side effects and his history, it doesn't sound like he should have been on that medication in the first place. Dang, I wish I had better advice. Are you in IC or maybe Al-Anon (I attend Nar-Anon; has been a wonderful place for my healing)? Something just for you is good for YOUR recovery in all of
this stuff.

[This message edited by GonnaGetThru at 1:03 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]


BW (me): 29
WH (him): 29
2 amazing daughters 3 & 6

Taking R one day at a time

"Every decision you make indicates what you believe you are worth."


Posts: 6 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: NC
Mack9512
♀ Member
Member # 38619
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

GGT,
My fWH tried to go thru detox from his first round of RLS medication solos, but the hallucinations and sweats scared the crap out of him. Under doctor's care, he successfully switched over to a more 'benign' brand however he jerks so bad that most nights he sleeps on the sofa. Also because the man side effect of the new medication is snoring!

Is your H going into a detox facility for that part of things, and then you're supposed to sleep separate when he gets home? Just asking, because detox is not a pretty process and really requires pros. I hope his IC doesn't think you should /can handle that part yourselves. Yikes!

The detoxing from the benign meds that he is on is not so disabling as the old stuff. So my fWH's IC and Neurologist are going to work together on this. No facility required.

Are there other meds for RL that are safe for those in recovery?

In a simple answer...No. There is nothing else. The most prescribed meds are actually for those that suffer with Parkinson's so they are really strong and, over time, addictive. I would rather he shake, rattle and roll before going back on those meds. He was a different man when he was on them and I am just getting my true H back again.

We have been shooting ideas back and forth all day so I am calming down a little bit.

Thanks


"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 318 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Mack)))
RLS is a Bit#h to deal with. Many patients do a slow wean over several months to get off of the meds, and some find that the RLS actually goes away after a period of treatment.

I don't know that sleeping in separate beds will harm your R. If you both cuddle when you sleep now, it may have an impact, but it sounds like you sleep with a monkey on crack, so snuggling is probably limited. I can tell you that my sister and her H have been married for 23 years, and have slept in separate beds pretty much for the past 18 of those years. He snores, and she is a monster if she doesn't sleep. They are happy, and they seem to not have any ill effects from it.

I would think discussing it, and sharing concerns with him will be most helpful to both of you as you go through this process. I am very happy to hear you are working with a neurologist to help you.

((((and strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 14 & 16
Married for 21 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 6614 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
cdnmommy
♀ Member
Member # 30182
Default  Posted: 2:09 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't imagine not sharing a bed with my spouse.

That being said, I have a friend who is in a long term relationship and she and her H sleep in separate rooms. She is embarrassed to tell people but they are as close as any other couple so even though it is hard for me to envision, it is clearly do-able.

Making a real effort to be off the meds for the sake of your M seems to show a commitment on his part, and your willingness to brainstorm and consider the implications demonstrates yours. That in itself probably has a bigger impact on your R than whether you share a bed for sleeping.


Me: BW
DDay: Oct 2010 + 6 weeks false R
2.5 (+?) year A with married coworker/my "friend"
1 great kid.
Reconciling and healing

Posts: 1682 | Registered: Nov 2010
Topic Posts: 5

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