My fWH is also on strong medication for RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome). The long-term track record of these medications are horrible. The 2-year mark seems to be the switch for when they start messing with the user's brain chemistry and everything goes downhill from there. Addictive behavior becomes worse, new addictions appear and personalities go haywire (current research shows that 70% of men that take this drug for more than 5 years end up divorced; usually due to addictive gambling and/or sexual addictions. My fWH has been on them for just over 3 years. )
Well, during my fWH's IC session last night their talked turned to detoxing completely off all meds and starting to go to AA meetings again. I'm all for this but the meds part is freaking me out. My fWH's RLS was BAD. Real bad. I would wake up in the mornings with bruises all over my legs and arms and there were a number of nights when I was woken up due to a punch to the head...all done while he was asleep. The only way he can detox completely is if we stop sleeping in the same bed because I cannot sleep with his constant jerking combined while also having to dodge flailing limbs. His IC wants us to continue to sleep in the same room, but on separate beds just like Lucy and Desi. Our room is not big enough for another bed and I refuse to get rid of our current bed, which cost me around $5000. I could be the bigger person and say 'Yes. Let's sale the bed' but I have nerve damage in my back and spend most of the day in pain, so I refuse to give up the only bed that I have had that allows me to wake up pain free every morning. Selfish of me but after living the last 25 years in constant pain, the joy of being pain free for even a couple of hours is heaven.
Therefore, our solution is getting one of those armchairs that folds out into a bed for him to sleep on every night (he can sleep anywhere, most recently on the kitchen floor with the puppy sound asleep on his stomach). I guess my real freak out is that I am wondering if R can continue if we are not sleeping in the same bed? Are we setting ourselves up for failure? Has anyone else had any luck with this type of sleeping arrangement?
[This message edited by GonnaGetThru at 1:03 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]
Taking R one day at a time
"Every decision you make indicates what you believe you are worth."
Is your H going into a detox facility for that part of things, and then you're supposed to sleep separate when he gets home? Just asking, because detox is not a pretty process and really requires pros. I hope his IC doesn't think you should /can handle that part yourselves. Yikes!
The detoxing from the benign meds that he is on is not so disabling as the old stuff. So my fWH's IC and Neurologist are going to work together on this. No facility required.
Are there other meds for RL that are safe for those in recovery?
In a simple answer...No. There is nothing else. The most prescribed meds are actually for those that suffer with Parkinson's so they are really strong and, over time, addictive. I would rather he shake, rattle and roll before going back on those meds. He was a different man when he was on them and I am just getting my true H back again.
We have been shooting ideas back and forth all day so I am calming down a little bit.
I don't know that sleeping in separate beds will harm your R. If you both cuddle when you sleep now, it may have an impact, but it sounds like you sleep with a monkey on crack, so snuggling is probably limited. I can tell you that my sister and her H have been married for 23 years, and have slept in separate beds pretty much for the past 18 of those years. He snores, and she is a monster if she doesn't sleep. They are happy, and they seem to not have any ill effects from it.
I would think discussing it, and sharing concerns with him will be most helpful to both of you as you go through this process. I am very happy to hear you are working with a neurologist to help you.
That being said, I have a friend who is in a long term relationship and she and her H sleep in separate rooms. She is embarrassed to tell people but they are as close as any other couple so even though it is hard for me to envision, it is clearly do-able.
Making a real effort to be off the meds for the sake of your M seems to show a commitment on his part, and your willingness to brainstorm and consider the implications demonstrates yours. That in itself probably has a bigger impact on your R than whether you share a bed for sleeping.