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User Topic: The "Box of Evidence"-what did you do with yours?
hurting7897
♀ Member
Member # 34761
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Once I decided to reconcile with my FWH about a year ago, I bought a large Tupperware-like plastic box and put everything affair-related into it. This was huge for me, and a big step towards the "moving forward" effort I was trying to achieve. There had been letters and self-help books scattered all over the house, shoved into every drawer trying to hide them from my kids. His confessional letter. My rage-filled letters to him that I'd never forgive him (still haven't), and all my unsent letters of rage to the OW. This "box of evidence" has been hidden in my bedroom closet and I'm sick of seeing it every time I go in there. I have decided to burn the self-help books.

No, I do not want to donate them nor sell them. I did give one to a friend of mine, the one titled, "Too Bad to Stay, Too Good to Leave" as she contemplated leaving her husband (she has decided to stay).

I have become curious what other BS have done with their own "box of evidence", if anyone else has actually saved everything, when you were able to get rid of it, what did you keep and what did you give away/burn, and how did it feel? I think this is a huge step in my recovery and I can't help but wonder how other BS handled their own "box of evidence".


Married 20 years
Me-BS-51
Him-FWH-46 "healing4us2"
2 kids, DD 12 and DS 16
D-day #1 Jan. 30,2012
D-day #2 April 12, 2012
D-day #3 April 15, 2012
June 24, 2012--Decided to R.
January 21, 2014-Forgave him! Life is sweet!

Posts: 226 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: united states
DWBH
♂ Member
Member # 35512
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine is virtual... emails, screenshots of FB msgs, letters, journals, etc. I'm not ready to part with it, and likely never will. As time goes on, I look at stuff less and less--hardly ever anymore. I just can't see ever feeling "safe" enough to throw it all away.


Me: BH, 43
Her: FWW, 41 (ThornyRose)
M: 16 years, together 19
2 Daughters: 14 and 12
D Day: 9/25/2011; Lies & TT to 5/4/2012
~Double betrayal; caught them in the act~

Posts: 729 | Registered: May 2012 | From: WI
hurting7897
♀ Member
Member # 34761
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WOW I hadn't even thought of the "virtual" evidence....I have a sh*tload of that too....


Married 20 years
Me-BS-51
Him-FWH-46 "healing4us2"
2 kids, DD 12 and DS 16
D-day #1 Jan. 30,2012
D-day #2 April 12, 2012
D-day #3 April 15, 2012
June 24, 2012--Decided to R.
January 21, 2014-Forgave him! Life is sweet!

Posts: 226 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: united states
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have very, very little. What I do have is in my bedroom closet, in a large envelope. I have not looked at it since I put it there after telling OBS shortly after d-day.

I had a bit more electronic evidence, but deleted it as it came in. It did me no good, other than to reinforce what I already knew of OW and Mr. Trac-Fone.


BS-me, 52
WH(Mr. Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS17
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 7967 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
stunnedin12
♀ Member
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have it with my daily binder. I did have it in my dresser, but don't want to take a chance of my children finding anything. They wouldn't touch the daily binder for fear of being told to do something on the chore list.

I gave wh copies of some evidence and told him he could do whatever he damn well pleased with them. I did this after his last contact attempt in April. I think it shocked him when he found out how much I knew.


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 378 | Registered: Jan 2013
tryinghard2013
♀ Member
Member # 37981
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got rid of it all it did me more harm looking at it daily.

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jan 2013
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My stuff is stored in two different places. My hard copy evidence is stored outside the home with someone I trust and my electronic files, emails, text conversations are with my dear friend in Australia. I guess you can't get further away than that, right?

Once my kids are old enough and I don't need the evidence any more in going to toss it all our give it to him as present


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day's, listed in profile)


Posts: 5375 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
MartlArts
♀ Member
Member # 36130
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Most of the communication was electronic. Since ow had mentioned in one of them that her H wasn't techie, I printed out hard copies of the most damning messages as well as saving them electronically. Put the printouts, plus some phone bills showing their phone calls, plus a "thumb" drive storing all the pertinent files, in an envelope. Kept at my desk at work for a couple of years. Took it home eventually and stashed in a dark corner of storage. I'll get rid of it when I've read her obituary, probably not before. She tried fishing long after he was done with her.


excerpt from an awesome quote "Forgiveness - the finishing of old business that allows us to experience the present, free of contamination from the past."

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jul 2012
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I used to keep it in my car trunk, the only place I could keep locked. I t was in a box shoved in a corner. I found him nosing around in it one day so I moved the box off premise to my sisters house. It's a year of printed out phone bills showing all the texts, my notes and observations. I look at it once in a while and see how I had her number circled as suspicious way back in the beginning. If I only knew who's it was, I could have cracked the case much sooner. It was suspicious because the volume kept growing with each month and it was while he was at work.

I had another box from the first 2 yrs of thinking hmmmm. It was from another phone provider that only showed calls he made, not receiveed.I burned that evidence when I thought I was mistaken about him and he assured me he was being faithful. I wish so bad I would have kep t it because I could have gone back to see when her # started popping up, thus, showing a more accurate timeline. I was just am amateur then.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..divorced slut who prefers committed men, specializing in befriending and bopping the fathers of her kids team mates
Status..%&$#@?$

Posts: 3974 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm 5+ yrs from dday and now divorced. I just shredded all paper evidence and threw everything away a few months ago. I even moved the crap a couple times last year.

I hadn't looked at any of it for several years so went through each item and disposed. It was freeing but I think everyone has their own timeline. I had deleted all emails and computer files after the divorce was final.
I think about all the time and energy I spent and it amazes me. Was it worth it ? At the time it was and I still only knew about 20% of the whole story but it was enough for me to move forward and know I had made the right decision.
Hugs
Gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20275 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because my STBX isn't "just" a cheater, because he is a sexual pervert who includes in his perversion young girls, my evidence has been shared with many others and will probably be kept by me under lock & key until my children are grown & out of the house.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8780 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I was ready to be rid of it, I had a lovely therapeutic bonfire with friends. And sangria. And dancing under the moonlight.


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22653 | Registered: Aug 2011
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a stack of cell phone records a foot high.

I burnt them about a year ago.

That shit doesn't matter any more, but I still hope that he and MOW die a slow and painful death.

[This message edited by Williesmom at 12:26 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7031 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Alex CR
♀ Member
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I still have hard copies of everything including letters between me and H about the A along with books about infidelity in my closet. Also have a file on my computer with copies of everything including photos of OW and all my research and its also saved on another hard drive.

I don't know why I'm keeping it....I never look at it now. I probably should get rid of it 'cause, God forbid, something happens to me, my girls would probably be the ones to find it all. I'd prefer to leave them my jewelry, not my pain. Guess it's time for a bonfire. Maybe on our 4th antiversary........


BS Me 61
WS Him 62
Married 33
Together 40
DD 11/16/09
The future looks good....

Posts: 1592 | Registered: Mar 2010
TXBW68
♀ Member
Member # 36456
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everything is in my office at work. I have many screenshots of FB/Twitter/Google chats, pictures, even a copy of the year lease he signed on an apt last year.

Last October, I gave him copies of everything I had to that point when I told him I wanted a divorce. He told me on DDay 2 (April)that he never opened it. So I brought my packet home the next day and read some of the more scandelous chats to him!

I don't know where his packet is now. But mine has grown over the last 6 months and is STILL safely tucked away in my office. I don't plan to get rid of it anytime soon.


Me (45) WH (42),2 boys 14 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now

Posts: 781 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Dallas, TX
doggiemom12
Member
Member # 36041
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have all the copies and photos in a brief case and I still have his computers and cel phone. I haven't looked at them in several months but I am keeping them until I am ready. Ready for what I am not sure. He is dead. I think I keep them in case some friend or family member thinks I am lying about all affairs. I want the evidence to be on hand.


White bird must fly or she will die . . .

Posts: 268 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: in divorce land
inconnu
♀ Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The books I didn't want to keep I donated to SI members. (I posted down in the Book Club forum that I was giving away books).

The box of evidence got shoved into the closet after now-ex left 4 years ago. It took me about 3 years before I felt like dealing with it, then I just got rid of it all one day. Can't remember if I trashed it, or shredded it, but either way, it was gone and I had valuable closet space back.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 11988 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
omgnome
♂ Member
Member # 36888
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Scan it/take pictures. Save it to a digital file and archive and hide it all over.

I'm glad I did this. While clearing out my office my wife came across her 'timeline' (looking back it was never a time line and never revealed anything) she found it in a box in one of my desk drawers amongst a bunch of other papers. When she found it she destroyed it and only told me later.

If you never need to go back through the evidence having it zipped and archived multiple places will never hurt you. You will forget about it. If you need it though, you will have it available.


BS

Posts: 198 | Registered: Sep 2012
Pringle
♀ New Member
Member # 39708
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine are saved on my laptop. Didn't get the juicy bits when I first found out-regret not having a screenshot of the fb messages though.Needless to say I have a lot of it sketched on my brain that will not go away. I keep it to remind me what an a-hole he was. But If we had to have reconciled,I probably would of gotten rid of it. I guess it just brings back all the unwanted hurt-at the end of the day we just hurting ourselves by the constant reminder.

Me 30
WF 33
DD 15.03.2013 (Wedding was supposed to be in June)


Me: BFiance 30
WFiance 33
DD 15.03.2013
In limbo

Posts: 24 | Registered: Jun 2013
thenon-goddess
♀ Member
Member # 31229
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The A books were donated to Goodwill. I had one self help D book (helping your kids cope with divorce the sandcastles way) and a couple of children's D themed books, that I saved "just in case", and am using those now, so glad I saved them. Everything else was via e-mail/IM and I still have all of it and have no plans of getting rid of it. Family pictures that included me and stbxh have long been removed and hidden away.


Status: divorcing
Typing on an iPhone - please excuse the typos!

Posts: 1230 | Registered: Feb 2011
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

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