Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: spaceplease (45329)

Off Topic Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Lord help me, i think we are getting horses
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A little bit of back story - I grew up on the backs of horses and ponies by way of wonderful neighbors, great friends, awesome lessons, and wonderful camps. There wasnt a long time between horse rides until I hit high school.

As it is now, I haven't really ridden since college - and that was 7 years ago.

My besties on the other hand - all have their own and i am the loner that does not.

We have a family farm that has an empty barn that they are not going to fill any time in the forseeable future and there's around 70 acres that are open for pastures. We will not be paying for rent, electric, or water - only for winter hay and feed. (and vet, ferrier and tack)....

I WANT these horses so bad it hurts....but i am freaking out just 'what do you mean we could actually get horses....a dream of mine'

I am making what seem to be valid arguments - do we really have the time (basically, with pasture board and not showing them, yes we do), do we have the money (with all the things that we have cleared up this last year, yes we actually do), what about the kids (DD will not get off the horses, DS is petrified).....i just find that I am trying to find a reason not to get them.

DH used to own and train horses back in his youth (with a rich ex-fiance so he's actually knows the cost and care and stuff) while I have only ever helped out with cleaning, grooming and riding....

So, I guess I need a little 2x4 to say 'this is your dream, why not'

Or

WTF are you thinking woman LOL


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2012
jrc1963
♀ Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Go for it!


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24592 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Giddy up!


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25714 | Registered: Aug 2011
Pentup
♀ Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know the drill, you have the money. Seems like a Go For It! To me.
If you did not know the drill or understand the costs, totally different answer.


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6605 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
Mandilwen
♀ Member
Member # 27186
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have some type of responsibility phobia, lol! I will take care of me, my kids, and the house, but that's it!! Every summer I dream of getting a pool and every winter I want a hot tub. Too much extra work, not going to happen. Maybe when I'm older and the kids drop off my list...


BS-34; WXH-32; DS8; DS3; OC3
DDay: SEPT 2008
Divorced: JUNE 2010

Posts: 318 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Indy
metamorphisis
♀ Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just went through this thought process for a dog. I understand it's an entirely different set of responsibilities but the basic idea is the same. I had to make a list, and fill out how we could take care of a dog financially, vet care, how they would fit into the family, plans for exercise, where they would sleep, etc etc. So there I am filling out this list and writing about our fully fenced backyard, and my schedule that will have much more time soon, and the big park across the street. I listed the dog park within walking distance, the family cottage with my siblings and all their dogs, the family farm etc and ...
OMG we're FINALLY completely ready!!!!

It really took writing it all out and I still wanted to say no because for so long we weren't ready. I almost couldn't believe it.
That's what I am hearing from you. The hesitation is normal and I am still saying "Did I really just decide to do this?" but in your gut you know when it's time and it sounds like you are ready!!



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 44947 | Registered: Sep 2006
aesir
♂ Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, I guess I need a little 2x4 to say 'this is your dream, why not'

Or

WTF are you thinking woman


How about:
WTF are you thinking woman this is your dream, why not


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
happenedtome
♀ Member
Member # 6042
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Life long horse owner here. I say . . . Go for it! BUT, take your time and be very very picky when choosing your horses. I recommend trialing any candidates for at least a week, preferably on your property. Also, get them fully vetted. Maybe you could free lease first before you fully commit to horse ownership. I honestly can't imagine life without my horses.

Posts: 234 | Registered: Dec 2004
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of our friends rescues horses as her job basically and she said that if the right one comes through, we will get it for free.

She also has a free leaser that she is trying to get out so that she has more room for rescues.

Personally i want to be VERY picky and have told her what it would take, i have no issue with bulking up a skinny horse, or working on slight abuse issues, but I really dont want something that is going to take so much time that I am not with my family.

Her free share is fully broke fun loving and sweet, so its totally and option.

The barn is not ready for horses, its an old cattle barn open to 2 acres already fenced in, natural creek and shelter.

I swear to god ya'll the only way the stars could aline anymore is if we got wind of a fixer upper 2 horse trailer for like 100 bucks and some tack that just needed some deep cleaning for cheap.

All my horse friends are like jumping up and down. They are already planning trail weekends next spring, some down here, some up by them.

I told DH that spring looked like the best time to finally get the horses - with the barn needing stalls and some work, and the fact that we have nothing (no tack, no buckets, no ferrier, no vet, nothing) that we need to build up our stuff before we go getting a horse and having to make 1000 runs to Tractor Supply.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2012
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Unde,

You only get one chance at life. This is your dream and from what you've told us, the Universe is desperately showing you what it wants for you.

I learned the hard way that if you don't listen to the Universe....it bangs your head into a wall until you DO listen.

Get the horse. Hell...get two, one for you and one for DD and make tons of good memories.

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6579 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
dazdandconfuzed
Member
Member # 11692
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you live on this farm? I may be reading it wrong, but it looks to me like someone else in the family lives there? Will they be willing/capable of dealing with any type of emergencies? I know you would care for the horses, but if you weren't on site is there someone there who would be watching for say a coyote running the fence lines and scaring the horses or dealing with a horse that with colic if they can't reach you?

Will you have someone that can take care of the horses if you take a vacation? Sounds like yes with so many "horse friends".

I have been longing for horses of my own for a long time, too. We take lessons and trail ride and all that good stuff - but I worry about dealing with emergencies and not being able to leave the house so if we were it would be a full board type situation, which we can't afford, so I have to continue to long.

So if you really can do it - go for it!!!!


Me - BW
Him - WH

Posts: 6621 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: Massachusetts
TrulyReconciled
♂ Member
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ignore the neigh-sayers!!


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 21270 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ignore the neigh-sayers!!

LOL...that's a good one.

Dazed - We have a family Dairy, we dont live on the farm, but its about 10 miles from where we currenly live. 3 miles from my mom and Dad's house, so close.

During the day there is usually many people in and out of the dairy. My great uncle owns the dairy and lives on the farm, and my Cousin does all the work now.

The short answer is Yes, there is someone there to call us....the longer answer is - it may be hard to get someone to actually get physical with the horses (we plan on getting two so that DH and I can trail ride and stuff).

They would be mostly pasture board, with stalls for any vet/ferrier/really bad weather/lame issues - also if any of my friends come down and the horses dont exactly get along they can stay stalled or ours could stay stalled, whatever.

Our cost is lower i think then most. We will no be paying 'rent' and the water is welled, and the electric is tied into the farm so...yeah.

They will pasture, so for spring, summer, and fall they will graze and get some sweet feed if needed. We have around 100 acres of hay and some rented crop - so hay is also not an issue at all for the winter. We plan on paying for round bales that we may need.

Also, there's going to be an over stock of Alfalfa this year over last year (the drought KILLED us) and we have already stacked 2000 bales (thats all we got last year alone) with at least another 3 cuts out of each field left.

The vet bills scare the shit out of me, and we have a ferrier friend so we may get a discount, depending...

why am i so scared??


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2012
happenedtome
♀ Member
Member # 6042
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Keep in mind that a thin horse's personality could change when you put some weight on him. And a $500 horse costs the same as a $50,000 horse in terms of feed, farrier, vet bills, and time commitment. It sounds like you have a good support system. Get the right horses and you will have a ball. Anything else could end up as very disappointing lawn ornaments.

Posts: 234 | Registered: Dec 2004
hill
Member
Member # 12166
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto happenedtome.

You are scared because horses are perhaps the most high maintenance of any animal you can have, and you need to find the right one to suit your riding abilities and intended use.

It sounds as if you're somewhat experienced so I won't get into all the negatives... but if you're planning on keeping them on another person's property who is not familiar with horses, be aware you are going to need to be at the barn daily and will need to find a horsesitter when you go away. It sounds as if you have lots of horsey friends, so that's good!

I will also say that not only are horses one of the fastest ways to the poor house, but equestrian sports are statistically one of the most dangerous. Please take the time to think what you might do if you have an accident, and make sure you have disability insurance if you are a significant source of income for your family.

I'm a lifelong rider and horse owner, so I know of what I speak!!

With that, have at it!! Nothing like being on the back of a horse!

[This message edited by hill at 12:03 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 3155 | Registered: Sep 2006
aesir
♂ Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish you luck, and am going to impart all of my horse related wisdom to you.

1) Horse like carrots and will eat them out of your hand.

2) Do not stand between a horse and the electric fence while scratching the horses side.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, i know all about accidents and injuries...I was double barreled by a yearling thoroughbred and she cracked my pelvis and almost broke my femur...fun times man i tell ya.

my cousin would more the likely warm up to the horses, but my great uncle not so much, it is what it is.

Thanks for everything guys....you are the best


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2012
Spirit13
♀ Member
Member # 31758
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Life long horse owner here. I say . . . Go for it! BUT, take your time and be very very picky when choosing your horses. I recommend trialing any candidates for at least a week, preferably on your property. Also, get them fully vetted. Maybe you could free lease first before you fully commit to horse ownership.

THIS!!!!!! ^^^^^^

I have owned many horses and still have one. This is the BEST ADVICE you will get. Remember, a person who is a RESCUER's primary motivation is to place horses in homes. They have a pull to do this so they can rescue another horse. Many of these horses are rescues for a reason. Their temperaments change once they are fed and fit. You could find yourself in a dangerous and expensive mistake and regret having horses at all when it could be a wonderful experience. You have kids and one who is petrified of horses? I would really NOT recommend anything but completely kid safe horses that come with a history you know from someone you trust.

(I love rescues, but they are best with people who already have lots of experience with horses.)

Enjoy!


ETA: If you do a search for "Chronicle of the Horse" there is a website for a big equine magazine. Then go to their "forums" link. They have a "giveaways" section where people post all kinds of free horse stuff. Tack, blankets, gear, everything you can think of. Plus, it is where you can find free horses being retired from show careers looking for homes either to be given away or on free leases. These people are usually very honest about the horses' suitability for trail riding, pasture living, beginners, etc. Also, equine.com is a good site.

[This message edited by Spirit13 at 9:36 AM, July 11th (Thursday)]


Men were deceivers ever; one foot in sea and one on shore, to one thing constant never.

Posts: 620 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Midwest
stupidstupidme
♀ Member
Member # 11888
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Totally agree that as long as you pick the right horses for your needs, it sounds like you both know what you're doing. The ONLY thing I would worry about is possible vet fees with problems and issues... so many things can happen. BUT - pick the right horses, and you'll be fine.

I miss my horse. Literally the ONLY thing I miss about the ex...


Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19732 | Registered: Aug 2006
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right now one of my friends has a Free Lease (though i am not 100% on what that means exactly) that is fully trial trained, but english i think...not a problem for me, but DH is all western.

DH wants to get one like tomorrow, but I am sticking to my guns about making sure its a good fit for me and the horse.

Seriously, you guys have been amazing


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: Off Topic Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.